i Love Text Messaging

Me: so you're gonna be home tomorrow?

Friend: i have so much 2 tell u. need advice. true 2 form i got myself in another situation.

m: thank god. your life was getting a little too uncomplicted.

f: it just got more complicated.

m: like Greek Tragedy complicated: my father butchered my family & fed them to me as hamburger OR I Love Lucy complicated: zaniness ensues?

f: a lil of both. Lucy was fed to me in a hamburger.

m: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Elusive Pt. 2: One Week Later

i did it.

20 lbs in 16 weeks.

Heaven Scent

let's talk about irony, shall we?
the literal definition is:

1.
a. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning.
b. An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning.
c. A literary style employing such contrasts for humorous or rhetorical effect.

2.
a. Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs: "Hyde noted the irony of Ireland's copying the nation she most hated" Richard Kain.
b. An occurrence, result, or circumstance notable for such incongruity.

but, thanks to Alanis Morissette, we've come to define it as:

a coincidental situation where the outcome proves that life sucks and the universe enjoys kicking you in the balls once in a while.

for example:

i love cologne. there are certain colognes that make me swoon or that i find simply intoxicating. there are other colognes which remind me of guys i've known and (in a couple of cases) loved, in the past. one of the most pleasantly distracting experiences is when a guy walks by and i catch a whiff of his cologne. y'see other men seem carry the scent of their cologne with them all day. ironically, the scent of cologne evaporates from my skin after about half an hour. either my skin simply absorbs it or i've developed a biological mechanism which neutralizes the scent. either way, the 12 bottles of cologne i have sitting on the bathroom counter are a waste of money 'cause nobody ever knows that i'm wearing it!

see? irony.

Yes, I'm a Hypocrite, but Please Bear With Me...

y'all know that i like a men who are more...hirsute (read: ursine). there's something about a man who remains au naturale that i find sexy: a hairy chest, arms, legs, but and (yes, it's true) shoulders. that's not to say i don't see the appeal of those men born smooth, that can be sexy too (as long as he's not a 90 lb bean pole); i just frown on those who shave, wax or dipilitate their fur. ironically, Saturday got my back waxed.

see, yesterday, the hubby and i were invited to hang out with John on Fire Island. as you may or may not know, La Isla Del Fuego is New York's Gay Riviera and has been since time began (read: pre-Stonewall). There was no way i was gonna show up to an all gay beach and taking off my shirt without either hitting the salon or a bottle of Nair for Men 1st. Why? 'cause though i don't mind it on other men (and actually find it attractive), i don't like the way I look. isn't that too nutty? while i don't mind being a "cub", i have certain limitations and looking like i'm wearing a shrug is one of them.

i showed up at the salon John works at on Saturday and waited while Lana took care of the SI matron whose appointment preceded mine. When it was my turn, she ushered me into the confessional sized room and chatted idly about weekend plans and the summer, while prepping the wax. she asked me to take off my t-shirt, audibly gasped and then said in a thick polish accent, "this is gonna take a while". yup, comedy abounds. she then instructed me to lie down and "make myself comfortable" and finally asked if i'd ever had a waxing before. i confessed i was a newbie and she said it would "hurt a little". well kids, nothing could quite prepare me for the level of pain i experienced over the next 25? 30? minutes (all time seemed to stop while i was on that table, and i honestly have no idea how long it took). i had to keep reminding myself of two things a) i made this choice voluntarily and b) once she started, there was no way she couldn't see it through to the bitter end. at one point, i remarked to her that i was amazed women go through this so often and she just chuckled. when i left, i was sweating profusely and my skin stung like i'd been dragged along cement by a runaway horse. for the next 24 hours it was bright red and tender as a fresh bitch slap.

never again.

ironically, we wound up not going to La Isla Del Fuego. by sunday evening, i was in a state of high dread about the traffic we'd face the next day. going wouldn't be a big deal, but coming home would be a nightmare. we'd have to return at 3 in the afternoon in order to be home before 9. nuh-uh. a beach is a beach is a beach. instead, we had my parents, brother and his family over for a barbecue. being around my brother was slightly less painful than the back waxing.

i did get some fantastic color on Sunday, though, just by lying out on my anti-gravity lawn chair from last year. the yard isn't quite Fire Island, but the music was pumping, the Crystal Light flowed freely, all the snacks were Weight Watchers friendly, and the cabana boy doesn't mind when you pinch his cute little tush.

Get Outta Here!

sometimes, i think i'm too gay.

i don't mean i'm flaming, not that i'd mind if i was, 'cause i'm usually not. since i came out i've become Captian Queer or Super Fag...

i read gay books: John said it best, i've got the Library of Gay Sexual Congress. Fiction, Non-Fiction, Poetry, and Plays. don't get me wrong, i still (re)read Anne Rice and other books where the characters are straight, living in a straight world, doing things with other straight people, but more often than not what i'm reading usually a story where boy meets boy, boy falls for boy, boy breaks up with boy, boy comes crawling back to boy, boy and boy live gaily ever after. they're cheesy and fluffy, but they're about people like me.

i watch gay movies and tv shows: mind you, i still love my Charlie's Angels, Heroes, and a couple of other "straight" shows, but i prefer to watch shows and movies about fags and dykes, no matter how bad they are (read: Noah's Ark and Leaving Metropolis, respectively). it's like the reading thing. i'm just glad that in the gay movies that are released today, the main character doesn't automatically die of AIDS in the last reel.

i listen to music by gay artists: it's nice knowing that Rufus Wainwright and Neil Tennant are singing about men.

i have a gay tattoo on my leg and gay bumper stickers on my car: ok those are more about Pride than anything else. i've reached a point where i feel that maximum visibility is the only way to go. maybe it's because i feel like everywhere i look "the straight" thing is in my face and crammed down my throat. maybe it's because i'm just angry at how i feel we (as fags and dykes) are treated by the majority. maybe it's because, to me, to not show your Pride is the same as staying in the closet. if we don't show people we're out there, how are they going to know?

i guess it's because (i've been told) that if i didn't tell people i was gay, they wouldn't really know. i want them to know. in my mind, a silent minority is an invisible minority and that's a minority that will forever be forced to roll over and take the dick up the ass that the majority is offering. given the choice, i'd move into a Gay Ghetto like the Castro or the Chelsea. i like being around other gay people. i feel less "self aware" i guess.

so, what do you think? can you be too gay? can you be too out or proud?

My Dad Always Told Me I Was a Card...

What Tarot Card Are You?

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

--------------------------

thanks to BL from whom i blatantly stole this!

My Heart Bleeds Pt. 2: It's Not Exactly "For Life", Now Is It?

i don't even know what i can say about this article.

i said all i really wanted the last time .

"if you're not angry then you're not paying attention"~ seen on a T-shirt

(if you know the author, please share)

Think This is Worth 7 Points?

the Coppertone Cocktail

1/2 oz Dark Rum
1 oz Malibu Rum
3 oz Pineapple juice
Float Lemon liqueur*

Mixing instructions:

Combine Dark Rum, Malibu Rum, Pineapple Juice & ice in mixing tin. Shake. Strain over ice and float Lemon Liqueur. Sprinkle with cinnamon.




*Make the drink – pour it into the serving glass – take a tablespoon and gently pour the lemon liquor over backside of a tablespoon which you are holding at a slight angle, about an inch or so over the drink already in there so that the liquid spilling out of the tablespoon floats gently onto the surface of your drink (as opposed to just pouring it right in and thus weighing itself down into the drink by force of the pour). they call this a ‘floater’ as in I’d like my Pina Colada with a Malibu Floater – it hits you first when you drink**

**this info courtesy of MS

Elusive

i lost 1.2 lbs this week.
i'm only 1 pound away from my 10% weight loss goal of 20 lbs.

One pound.

i think that, if when i make it, i'm gonna celebrate with a pizza.

Blogging's Funny...

1st off, i didn't think i'd be able to sustain it for this long. i've never kept a journal or diary for more than three days, yet somehow i've posted something on here (almost) every day and when i don't post, i almost feel guilty. i think it's knowing that there are other people out there who read what i'm writing (no matter how inane or random or pointless it may be). i guess i'm one of those people who "need" an audience or at least knowing that somebody's listening.

speaking of those other people...

i find it truly interesting when i look a the little map thing on my sidebar and see that people in South Africa and China and Iceland have looked at my blog. i'm sure, in most cases, there's a language barrier but if there's a guy in Borneo who can read what i'm writing, and somehow it makes him nod and smile and say (in a Borneo-ese accent) "I hate Nascar, too!" or "I feel the same way" then all i can say is WOW. y'know? on a more local level, i totally expected that my friends would read what i was writing, but i never thought anyone else, perfect strangers in other states, would find what i write interesting enough to comment on and then come back later to see what else i've written.

it's just funny, y'know?

Pain in the Ass (and Not In a Good Way)

Interesting weight loss phenomenon:

your ass is made of fat.
when you lose weight your ass shrinks.
if you're the type of guy who carries his wallet in your back pocket, at some point it's gonna hurt like hell when you sit for long periods 'cause all that extra padding is GONE.

it's very Princess & the Pea.

"How Are You Feeling Today"?

yesterday i felt like there was some kind of doom on the horizon; like i was waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop. yesterday, i was tense, tired and hungry all day. Merlin was gnawing on my nerves like crabs on a hooker. i didn't want to be the "go-to" guy at work. i didn't want to handle the things that other people couldn't figure out, nor did i want to be at the whim of the higher-ups. i just wanted to punch my card and leave: "half the song, half the dance, and out" (Gypsy). i don't know why, i just felt socially claustrophobic. maybe i'm going crazy? maybe i'm PMS-ing? hey, it could happen; i'm surrounded by women, 5 days a week, 50 weeks a year. that's gotta do something, right? plus knowing i was going to miss the Hero's season finale, because of a Pampered Chef team meeting, didn't help my disposition, lemme tell you. add to that the weekend's non-stop pace and the fact the the mister and i have been fighting more than usual over the most trivial things (and some that aren't so trivial) and you have somebody desperate for a Calgon moment or some black tar heroin.

anyway, that was yesterday. today is a better day. the birds are chirping. Rufus and Tori are warbling. any tension between the hubby and i has seemingly dissolved. even the work gods are smiling...for now...

thanks for asking, MS. i love you.

Long Weekend: the Day After

I am so beat. It's hard to believe i could be this tired after a 3 day weekend, but here i am.

the MRI went well, though the PA who gave me the dye injection seemed to have pierced a vein. so there's a big bruise on my left arm and i look like a really clumsy heroin addict. i'll get the results when i go back to see Dr. Demonico on June 1st. after the MRI i spent quite a bit more than i should've on comic book graphic novels (dunno why, but i'm on a comic kick lately). it was totally an act of comfort through spending, since stephen and i had gotten into a bit of a row that morning.

Saturday, i had to bring the car in to get new front brakes, which meant getting up at the ass crack of dawn to be the 1st at the garage. little did i know that since the guy who owns the garage is stephen's cousin, that i'd be out in an hour (and $350 lighter). afterward, we did some wedding "chores: we checked out rings and chose tuxes for ourselves, our fathers and our groomsmen. sadly, Men' s Warehouse does not rent out top hats.

the AIDS Walk went very well, yesterday. Again, up at the ass crack of dawn to make the 7:30 ferry. i have to tell you, i had a great time. it was a totally gorgeous day out and i really felt like we made a difference (thanks to all the help from my family and friends, i collected $410). Plus, i got to see Cyndi Lauper, Whoopi Godlberg, Hal Sparks and TR Knight at the opening ceremonies. my hips are killing me, i have blisters on my feet, and shin splints but i'm glad we walked.

since we were walking 10k i didn't feel too badly about not sticking with Weight Watchers. i had my Starbucks Skim Vanilla Latte` for breakfast and a couple of 2 point bars throughout the day. All bets were off by the time dinner rolled around, so i had a nice entree at the diner and of course my late evening bowl of popcorn. i don't feel like i over ate but i won't do it again for a very long time.

all in all...it was a good weekend. expensive, but good.


“The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it.”~ F. Scott Fitzgerald quotes

Long Weekend

i won't be in tomorrow, as i have my 6 month follow-up MRI. the appointment is late in the day, so hopefully i can bum around 1st. i feel like it's been months since i played hooky.

This Sunday is the AIDS Walk, so keep your fingers crossed for some sunshine. If you feel like making a last minute contribution, click on the link, above.

have a great weekend, kids!

(Broke)back from the Dead

as if i needed another reason to hate this movie. now all the right-wing nuts are going wiggy, thinking it's all about the "gay agenda". jeez, if we had an agenda, i hope it would include better propaganda, like Trick or Dorian Blues. hell, Jeffery or To Wong Foo were better than Brokeback. Lord knows Wesely Snipes makes a better drag queen than Heath Ledger(sp?) makes a fag. there are a ton of movies better than Brokeback for wooing the youth of America (in no particular order, except for how they popped into my brain):

1. Better Than Chocolate
2. Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss
3. Rent
4. Torch Song Trilogy
5. Love! Valour! Compassion!
6. Object of My Offection
7. Borstal Boy
8. the Broken Hearts Club
9. Angels in America
10. Kissing Jessica Stein
11. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
12. the Birdcage
13. But I'm a Cheerleader
14. Another Gay Movie
15. the Wedding Banquet
16. the Celluloid Closet
17. And the Band Played On
18. Trans-America
19. the Tales of the City mini-series
20. Soldier's Girl
21. Kiss Me Guido
22. Victor/Victoria
23. Fried Green Tomatoes
24. the Laramie Project
25. Six Degrees of Seperation
26. Touch of Pink
27. Bedroom and Hallways
28. Saved!

really, though. if you're gonna corrupt a bunch of minors, at least use quality materials.

Dancing With Myself

the other night, at the wedding, i asked Stephen to slow dance and he turned me down. his reasoning was simple: he doesn't like to dance because he feels like everyone is staring; if i really wanted him to, he would, but i shouldn't wait for him to ask me, 'cuz it wasn't gonna happen.

now, let's not get into the fact that the initial "rejection" totally brought back memories of when i was single and would get rebuffed left and right at clubs on the rare occasions i was drunk enough to ask someone to dance, or when i was in grammar school and asked Alyson to dance at our "prom" and was laughed at by her and her clique; of these things we shan't speak. i was generally surprised and more than a little let down. it's deffinitely not the 1st time i've asked him to dance, but it was the 1st time he ever turned me down.

don't get me wrong, i'm a terrible dancer, but i find a certain comfort and intimacy in slow dancing with someone. for whatever reason (let's blame hollywood), i've always seen slow dancing as one of the most romantic things a couple could do together. dim lighting, romantic music, close proximity; it all adds up to classic wooing. i'm a sucker for good wooing, lemme tell ya.

i can't fault him for not wanting to be The Gay Guys in the room, sometimes being The Gay Guys is alot of pressure and alot more trouble than it's worth. it seems like whatever we do, as a couple, in public, is a "political statement" or at the very least has to be strongly considered prior to acting. do you follow me? we can't just walk down the street holding hands, we need to really consider where we are before we do. ditto dancing. granted, we weren't in deepest reddest Arkansas, but we were at a wedding with a smattering of drunk Irish firemen and Brooklyn Italians and while the bride, groom and quite a few of their friends are open-minded and liberal in their thinking, you never know whose senibilities you might be offending; not that this usually matters to me. i'm usually in the if you don't like it, fuck off and the if it bothered the bride or groom then they wouldn't have invited us, so you should shut yer yap camp.

usually. sometimes, though, i don't wanna fight and i don't want to think before i act. i don't wanna be stared at because i'm one of The Gay Guys. i don't want to make a statement (political or otherwise) or worry about other people's sensibilities.

i just want to live and occasionally dance with my boyfriend. i'm not holding my breath, though.

"I know a place where you can get away/It's called a dance floor"~Vogue (Madonna)

I Really Hope He Suffered 1st (is that wrong?)

Ding-Dong Jerry Falwell is Dead

Hey Mr. DJ Put a Record On, I Wanna Dance With My Mama

i need your help.
the wedding we went to Saturday night gave us both a few ideas (no, Ryan Charisma, we're not going to sing a duet of You're the Top). the most notable involves the Groom's Dance with his Mother. long story short, we're going to dance with our mom's at the same time. yes it will provide a challenge for the photographer, but if they're worth what we're paying, they can handle it.
here's where you (all) come in:

what are good songs for a guy to dance with is mother to?

i've googled it and this is what i came up with:
the First Time Ever I Saw Your Face~ Roberta Flack
Because You Loved Me~ Celine Dion
Hero~ Mariah Carey
the Wonder of You~ Elvis
That's Amore~ Dean Martin
In My Life~ Bette Midler
I Remember You~ George Michael

is it me or are some of those a little too...Oedipal..?
I'm thinking something along the lines of Wind Beneath My Wings without the cheese factor.
suggestions, please!

Boyfriends Say the Darndest Things Pt. 2

"Four months and twenty-two days till the wedding? Holy shit"

You Might Be a Redneck...

can you think of a worse way to spend a sunday (let alone Mother's day)? me neither. yet there i was, at my brother's house watching NASCAR with my father and brother. all that was missing from the truly white trash specatcle was open bottles of Bud.

how in the name of cher did this "sport" ever become popular?

Hot Mess

saturday evening we attended the wedding of a girl and guy i used to work with back in my retail days. it really throws me for a loop when consider the fact that i knew both the bride an groom, when they were in High School. i'm not quite sure why, but i cried a little at the ceremony and when the groom played guitar and sang Edwin McCain's I'll Be to his new bride at the reception, i lost it: Niagra Falls.

when did this happen? when did i become that guy that cries during movies, while reading a novel, or watching a long distance calling plan commercial? i used to be a stoic and unfeeling. things didn't make me cry; i made people cry. i've brought this up before, but lately (the last six months?) i've been feeling it a bit more. romantic/sappy/emotional stuff that used to make me roll my eyes 5 years ago, now reduces me to a teary-eyed schmuck.

now, i'm not blaming Stephen and our relationship, but i never felt this way before i met him...

can love do that? can it really open up the flood gates of bottled up emotions?

“The one who loves you will make you weep.”~ Argentine proverb

"Marriage, fun? Fiddle-dee-dee. Fun for men you mean"

No matter how hard i try to be Melanie, i always wind up feeling like Scarlett.

"No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you! You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how"~Gone With the Wind (Clark Gable)

today's my blog's birthday!

here's an update on this past year:

1. the Wedding: everything's going smoothly; we need to find a limo company and someplace to rent the tuxes from. also, a hotel to stay at post-reception, pre-honeymoon. we're gonna start looking at invitations this weekend, and favors by August.
2. the Brain Tumor: also, status quo. i go for a 6 month follow up MRI next Friday and then to the Neurosurgeon on June 1st. if it hasn't grown since the last visit (6 months ago), then i can start checking it out once a year.
3. the Job: see yesterday's post.
4. the Weight Watchers thing: going very well. i'm down 18 lbs, which is 2 lbs away from my 10% goal and 7 lbs away from my personal goal of 180 lbs. i fit into my old suits and sportcoats again, which is awesome 'cause i have a wedding to go to tomorrow.
5. the AIDS Walk: a little more than a week away and so far i've raised about $250 (not counting my own donation) which is far less than what i had intended to raise but i've just been too damn busy to canvas for donations. i feel a little guilty, but it's the best i could do.

did i forget anything?

thank you all for continuing to read and for all of your comments, it really feels good to know that i'm not whistling in the wind.

Work Me Goddammit!

ever have one of those days at work? the kind of day where your boss(es) seem to take your sorry ass for granted and pile more work on your desk, without a thought to all the work that was there already, and tell you to just get to it? or have you ever had a day where the phones don't stop ringing, and you're the only person who seems to answer them, and when someone else does answer it, they just hand the call over to you in the end? or the kind of day where you'll finish a project only to have your boss(es) tell you that they changed their minds and are scrapping it, then change it back ten minutes later, then change it again fifteen minutes after that (all the while telling you how "time sensitive" the project is)?

that's what my entire week has been like.

they finally got to me.

i hate my job.

"They let you dream just to watch 'em shatter/You're just a step on the boss-man's ladder/But you got dreams he'll never take away/You're in the same boat with a lotta your friends/Waitin' for the day your ship'll come in/'n' the tide's gonna turn and it's all gonna roll your way"~9 to 5 (Dolly Parton)

CawfeeGuy Ink Pt. 2

ok, my leg is burning like you wouldn't believe (between the shaving and the tattoo), but i love it. the color is just popping off my leg in all the right shades of blue.

the artist was very chatty and convivial, throughout. we got into the most spirited conversation about the man who designed the Nazi uniforms during WWII.

we were there till almost 11, despite my appointment at 8 (he didn't get me in the chair till 10), so this morning i'm absolutely dragging my ass. i'm so tired i can hardly see.

"My mother was a phoenix who always expected to rise from the ashes of her latest disaster. She loved being Judy Garland"~ Lorna Luft

I Don't Particularly Like South Park, but...

i made it here.

Stephen Has Been Telling Me for Months Than Eventually I'd Turn into One...

You Are a Turkey Sandwich

Conservative and a bit shy, you tend to stick with what you know and trust. You are very introverted, and you prefer to blend in whenever possible. Though you may be hard to know well, anyone who does know you considers you a true friend. Your best friend: The Ham Sandwich Your mortal enemy: The Tuna Fish Sandwich

What Kind of Sandwich Are You?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

It's creepy and funny 'cause i have a turkey sandwich almost every day for lunch and i utterly despise tuna!

"i may not be so manly/ but still i know you love me"~ Beauty Mark (Rufus Wainwright)

14.99014% - Geekish Tendencies

Welcome to 2007

Squirt and i had lunch on Saturday at the local TGI Friday's (Turkey Burger & salad: 9 points). after reading the report she did on the 1996(?) Olympic men's basketball Dream Team and some chit-chat about school and her softball team, she got very serious. she told me that a friend of a friend called her a "manly lesbian" (or "lez-bean" since it was typed on AIM).

10 years old. i guess this is where it starts nowadays.

"Whoa"!

Joey Lawrence is in Chicago on Broadway. does nobody remember Blossom? how in the name of Cher is this possible? he does look kinda hot though...in a washed up 80's has-been kinda way..."Long as you keep 'em way off balance/How can they spot you got no talents?/Razzle dazzle 'em/And they'll never catch wise!"~Razzle Dazzle (Chicago)

CawfeeGuy Ink

i just made my appointment for my 3rd tattoo! Tuesday at 8. i'm so psyched!

i'm going with the "cold phoenix" that i was originally thinking of (it'll look a bit different than that picture, but you get the general idea). i think it'll fit in nicely with my strange OCD thing about poetic symmetry and balance.

What a Strange Little Girl

god, she's bizarre. i've never bought into her multiple personalities writing songs/writing songs is like giving birth to new individuals shtick. give it up, lady.

the new album is brilliant; along the lines of Scarlet's Walk and the better songs on the Beekeeper.

naturally, i'm now on a Tori kick. 140 songs queued up on Baby Blue, including her discography a shit load of b-sides (Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Butterfly) and a handful of the better remixes (ie. Armand Van Helden's Professional Widow and the "Sticky Extended" mix of Raspberry Swirl).

"If they keep crashing stuff into the moon, the moon's gonna get pissed off, and the tides'll change, and all the women'll start PMS-ing together. Then you guys are going to fucking regret it.” ~Tori Amos

Inter-Facial Marriage

So, as of last night, i am down 18 lbs, in 12 weeks. my pre-stephen/"slut jeans" fit again and i had to go out and by new pants (they're not as tight as the aforementioned "slut jeans", but they still make my ass look fabulous) and a couple of smaller shirts for work. all my rings fit and i can honestly say that i like looking in the mirror, again. that having been said...

i was sitting at my desk this morning, sipping my vanilla latte and going through my friends' blogs, when i came across this post by Nil. if you don't have the patience to read her take on the article, i'll break it down: what's the deal with hot people marrying/fucking the un-hot? naturally it got me thinking about my own relationship. am i the hot one?

HELL NO.

i'm "cute", at best and the only thing i have on my side is my youth. stephen is much more attractive than i. he's got these wonderfully broad shoulders, a nice solid hairy chest, a sweet ass and killer legs. he's classically handsome to boot, with indescribably gorgeous hazel eyes that change color at the drop of a hat, a beautiful mouth and the cutest nose you've ever seen. the total package is capped off with the world's sexiest shaved head. the best part, though is that this incredibly gorgeous man has no idea how truly attractive he is. he's completely oblivious to the fact that girls and guys check him out whenever we're out at the mall. he also takes it a step further by insisting that i'm more attractive than he.

that makes him way hotter (even if he is a bit blind).

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye"~ Miss Piggy

Venti 5 Shot Skim No Whip No Sprinkles Dulce de Leche Latte

so not worth 8 points.

Saved

Ok. i can breath a little easier. Some people still know how to put out records.

check out tori's site. she is such a freak. love her.

guess who's going to Best Buy after his Weight Watcher's meeting?

look what i found during a couple of off moments...

“I've been singing this crap since I was 16!”~Michael Buble

Stuck

i'm in a bit of a rut; i've plateaued. it's either that or "new music" just sucks.

1. Rap makes my ass twitch: i'm just too damn white and way too gay, okay? i just don't get it.


2. panty-dropping R & B just makes me blush: all that veiled sexual language and innuendo. i have a very vivid imagination thank-you-very-much.


3. "emo" makes me extremely nervous and edgy: does anyone else wanna stab James Blunt in the throat with a salad fork, or am i alone on this one?


4. i'm over teenagers cooing like nymphomaniacal doves: i guess i'm just...old, but i can't get behind teenagers singing songs of love and loss. that's not to say i won't give Junior's newest mix of the newest Hillary Duff ditty a whirl, i just have no intention of ever hearing the original version (ie. Lindsey Lohan's Confessions of a Broken Heart).


5. Rock and Roll is dead: did nobody get the memo? it all sounds the same, so lay off the power chords and drum solos. it's been done before and way better.

Sadly, most my old standbys have just stopped putting new stuff out:

1. how many Greatest Hits albums do we really need, Cher: i wouldn't mind if they had different hits on them, but it's the same 15 songs in a different order! quick before you take up residence in Vegas, get your plastic ass into the studio.


2. Bjork, i forgive you for Drawing Restraint 9: if you promise to never let it happen again and make something along the lines of Post, Debut or Homogenic you know i'll buy it.


3. Earth to Tori...come in Tori: where the hell have you been? the seeds i got from the Beekeeper have grown and died twice already! besides, Casey Stratton is stealing all your fans...and your songs...


4. Somebody slap Sister George: dammit Miss Michael, you were supposed to be one of our "role models", lookit Ellen! now, get your ass outta that tea-room, stub out the joint, and sing something already.


5. I'm glad i only paid $3 for Curse of Blondie: Deb...oh never mind. i'll just keep listening to the Platinum Collection.


6. Viva La Rufus: i know you were on tour last year, but how about releasing the Carnegie Hall Concert i was at, on CD? pleeeeeeeeease?