the Sun Will Be Out Tomorrow

FYI, kids, i'll be out of the office tomorrow.
it's my annual visit to Dr. Demonico to find out if the brain tumor is back or still MIA; here's to hoping that if it's the former, i'll never have to see him again.

stephen took off too (lucky bastard actually has a four day weekend) to come with me...not that i need a chaperone, mind you, but with John in school i hate sitting in the waiting room alone.
i'll be twittering throughout the weekend, so stop by for updates!

anyway...hope you all have a fabulous Pride weekend!

Spring Fever

ugh.
i'm just feeling such a sense of malaise and disinterest in...everything.

while i'm hardly a "grass between the toes" kinda guy, i'd much rather be outside, sitting on the deck, music blasting from inside the house, reading a book and sipping an iced coffee with the puppy, than here. it's just too beautiful out to be cooped up. these middle-of-the-week days off*, are terrible cock-teases, but no matter how i try and schedule them, wednesday is the only days i can get appointments.

c'est la vie.

*to get the dishwasher repaired and for my annual round of MRI's to determine if ye olde brain tumor is really gone)

Treading Water

sometimes i have absolutely no idea what to post on my blog. things around here are status quo: the puppy is grand, married life is wonderful, work is just as miserable as it's been for the last 2 years, my weight is good, the brain tumor is still gone; there's really nothing to report.

i'm happy and content with what's going on in my life; i guess no news is good news, but it makes for a pretty boring blog...

What's that Funky Neuroma (or a Rare Case of Brake Fluid) Pt.2: Just Kidding!

i'll get right to the point:

my brain tumor has disappeared.

it's gone, disappeared, vanished.

after an hour and a half wait, Dr. Demonico told me that the latest MRI shows nothing; whatever looked like a tumor may have been a slight swelling of the area around the nerve.

so this is a topic that will not come up again till next June, when i go for (hopefully) my last MRI, hearing test and Neuro-Surgeon's visit.

the weekend is looking considerably brighter, in fact tomorrow is Staten Island's Pride and i'm quite looking foward to it.

have a great weekend, all!

.

"the 1st thing you lose on a diet is brain mass"~ Margaret Cho

Long Weekend: the Day After

I am so beat. It's hard to believe i could be this tired after a 3 day weekend, but here i am.

the MRI went well, though the PA who gave me the dye injection seemed to have pierced a vein. so there's a big bruise on my left arm and i look like a really clumsy heroin addict. i'll get the results when i go back to see Dr. Demonico on June 1st. after the MRI i spent quite a bit more than i should've on comic book graphic novels (dunno why, but i'm on a comic kick lately). it was totally an act of comfort through spending, since stephen and i had gotten into a bit of a row that morning.

Saturday, i had to bring the car in to get new front brakes, which meant getting up at the ass crack of dawn to be the 1st at the garage. little did i know that since the guy who owns the garage is stephen's cousin, that i'd be out in an hour (and $350 lighter). afterward, we did some wedding "chores: we checked out rings and chose tuxes for ourselves, our fathers and our groomsmen. sadly, Men' s Warehouse does not rent out top hats.

the AIDS Walk went very well, yesterday. Again, up at the ass crack of dawn to make the 7:30 ferry. i have to tell you, i had a great time. it was a totally gorgeous day out and i really felt like we made a difference (thanks to all the help from my family and friends, i collected $410). Plus, i got to see Cyndi Lauper, Whoopi Godlberg, Hal Sparks and TR Knight at the opening ceremonies. my hips are killing me, i have blisters on my feet, and shin splints but i'm glad we walked.

since we were walking 10k i didn't feel too badly about not sticking with Weight Watchers. i had my Starbucks Skim Vanilla Latte` for breakfast and a couple of 2 point bars throughout the day. All bets were off by the time dinner rolled around, so i had a nice entree at the diner and of course my late evening bowl of popcorn. i don't feel like i over ate but i won't do it again for a very long time.

all in all...it was a good weekend. expensive, but good.


“The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it.”~ F. Scott Fitzgerald quotes

Long Weekend

i won't be in tomorrow, as i have my 6 month follow-up MRI. the appointment is late in the day, so hopefully i can bum around 1st. i feel like it's been months since i played hooky.

This Sunday is the AIDS Walk, so keep your fingers crossed for some sunshine. If you feel like making a last minute contribution, click on the link, above.

have a great weekend, kids!

today's my blog's birthday!

here's an update on this past year:

1. the Wedding: everything's going smoothly; we need to find a limo company and someplace to rent the tuxes from. also, a hotel to stay at post-reception, pre-honeymoon. we're gonna start looking at invitations this weekend, and favors by August.
2. the Brain Tumor: also, status quo. i go for a 6 month follow up MRI next Friday and then to the Neurosurgeon on June 1st. if it hasn't grown since the last visit (6 months ago), then i can start checking it out once a year.
3. the Job: see yesterday's post.
4. the Weight Watchers thing: going very well. i'm down 18 lbs, which is 2 lbs away from my 10% goal and 7 lbs away from my personal goal of 180 lbs. i fit into my old suits and sportcoats again, which is awesome 'cause i have a wedding to go to tomorrow.
5. the AIDS Walk: a little more than a week away and so far i've raised about $250 (not counting my own donation) which is far less than what i had intended to raise but i've just been too damn busy to canvas for donations. i feel a little guilty, but it's the best i could do.

did i forget anything?

thank you all for continuing to read and for all of your comments, it really feels good to know that i'm not whistling in the wind.

Tumors, Target and Macchiatos (or Another Monday Jaunt to the Neurosurgeon)

i had a really good day, yesterday. john came with me and we hung out the whole day. the MRI place didn't give any lip, which was very surprising, so we had an extra hour to kill in the Dr.'s waiting room which we used to mock and heckle the other patients. it's terrible how much fun John and i can have, while sitting in a doctor's waiting room.in retrospect, it was probably a pretty mean thing to do considering why most people were there, but it really made me feel alot better, and you'd really be surprised at the things people deem appropriate to wear to the doctor. at certain points, we were laughing so hard we were nearly crying. i think the fact that he was high on caffiene kinda helped. john began to resemble Whitney, circa 2005, at one point: teeth grinding and trembling. it also inspired him to do his fabled Ellen Greene impersonation.

everything is fine. according to Dr. Demonico, everything's status quo in my brain; the tumor is stable: it hasn't grown in the last six months and it's not impinging on my hearing or the movement of my facial muscles. the current course of action? we wait another 6 months and go through another round of MRI's and Audiograms. if everthing is still stable in May (ie. the tumor has not grown, and i'm not showing a decrease in hearing) then i can start making annual visits, instead of semi-annual.

after the doctor we went for lunch and then to Target where i picked up some fabulous garland to string along the fence! i still feel strange, walking through Target, thinking "wow, there is some really cool stuff here". growing up, i always thought of Target as a 2nd rate Kmart. Target, i wish i'd met you sooner; i'm sorry i avoided you for so long. after i dropped John off, i picked up Stephen and we came home to make dinner and hang the garland. afterward, were settled in to watch the last episode of season 5 of Buffy and then Heroes.

again: it was a good day.

Incidentally, this is the last you'll be reading my tumor trouble, at least until next may. we now return my life, already in progress....

Drum Roll Please

tomorrow is brings a moment of truth: i've taken off work...again...to see Dr. Demonico and find out if, after 6 months, my pet brain tumor has grown larger than the "size of a pea" it was when it was 1st discovered; but before that, i have to go to the imaging center (where i had my last MRI) and pick up the films. it seems that though i had specifically requested that they send them on to Dr. Demonico, he didn't receive them. thankfully, john promised he'd come with me so i won't be forced to punch out the receptionist when they give me attitude about waiting for the films.

"Take my brain!"~ Sally Field (Soapdish)

It's Tuesday? You're Kidding...

swamped...
so utterly swamped.
i was out one day and in Armpit for one day, yet you'd think i was gone a month. i came in this morning and there was a 6" pile of paperwork on my desk. In box? i haven't seen that in months.

just a recap the weekend...
the MRI went as well as an MRI can go. i didn't have a reaction to the contrast dye and i'm going to pick up the results today, after work. don't applaud yet: at this point they're just fancy pictures of my brain, and are therefore meaningless to me. i have to wait till December 4th to talk to Dr. Demonico and see what he thinks.
i also went for a second hearing test where everything is status quo, which means i'm not going progressively deaf-er.

back to work.

Like a Beaver

very busy today. lots of work to do, since i'll be off tomorrow. by work i mean either a) hide all the stuff that i don't want other people to see, or b) do as much as i can so Dummy doesn't fuck up my desk in my absence (as she's been known to do in the past). oh! i made an appointment for the follow-up hearing test: this saturday at 11:30.
maybe i'll post more later...

"In the same boat with a lot of your friends/Waitin' for the day your ship'll come in /And the tide's gonna turn/ And it's all gonna roll your way" ~ 9 to 5 (Doly Parton)

Ugh...Monday...again

i'm so tired i can hardly see.
we had two shows last weekend, one show at Jenn's this weekend, and my sister-in-law's baby shower yesterday. i haven't been sleeping well, since i have so much on my mind (namely, paying for the wedding, and my car's transmition which seems to be on it's last leg). strangely enough, i'm not worrying a tremendous amount over my brain tumor. i'm very much "whatever" about the whole thing (though, i will confess i had a bit of a mini- meltdown the other night while watching an episode of the L Word where one of the characters is diagnosed with breast cancer. don't ask how i made the leap from cancer to a brain tumor; i just did). i haven't seen john or chris in, what feels like, 3 months. if it wasn't for their blogs i'd have no idea a) what they look like or b) what they are up to. so, i'm tired, cranky and quite honestly a bit on the depressed side. stephen and are are sniping at eachother like a couple of under-caffinated/under-cocained drag queens and had a small row on the phone when i got to work. now my text messages are going ignored.

i just wanna sleep for, like, 3 days straight.

Kopfgeschlagen

it's been almost six months since my last visit to Dr. Demonico, Neuro-Surgeon. per his instructions, i called for a prescription for the latest MRI (the appointment is November 10th) and hearing test. once again we play the waiting game:

• has the tumor grown?
• has my hearing gotten any worse?
• are the two linked?

tune in December 5th for the answers to these, and many other, questions!

in other news, i bought these wonderful canisters from the Office Tupperware Lady. stephen's had a set for ages and ages and mentioned that he wanted another set (for white sugar, brown sugar, espresso, coffee beans and flour). the new ones have the cutest little windows in the front so you can tell what the hell's in 'em! who else but Tupperware?

"That's depressing and it's expensive, two words I hate. You know the words I like? I like the word 'peppy' and the word 'cheap'. Peppy and cheap"~ Soapdish (Gary Marshall)

Nostalgia...Sorta...

i've had some time to kill today (thanks to our summer interns, my work day basically stops at 3pm; thanks kids!), so in my final hour of Friday i was looking at some of my past posts. think of this as either an Update show on Maury or one of those flashback episodes of the Golden Girls or Family Ties...

1. the men's room at work: still a sewer. do grown men really need to stand in front of a toilet with their pants around their ankles to urinate? must they chit chat at the urinals like it was happy hour at the Toolbox?
2. Babies Babies everywhere: stephen's sister gave birth, my sister-in-law is still preggers and so i my supervisor. also, one of my friends from college is in her 2nd trimester after a terrible ordeal with invitro fertilization.
3. my brain tumor: i saw the audiologist a few months ago, i have minimal hearing loss in my right ear. in a few months i have to go back for another MRI and hearing test to compare to the last couple, to see if the tumor's grown and my hearing has gotten worse. short answer: everything is status quo. no worries :)
4. my job: i still like my job alot, but i'm convinced i could be doing something else to help my fellow man. btw: volunteering organizations don't answer e-mails.
5. my name: as some of you may have noticed, since turning the Big Three-Oh, i've changed my name to CawfeeGuy. if you hadn't noticed, SURPRISE!
6. Our Commitment Ceremony: ok so we've booked the hall and the celebrant; we now need a DJ and a photographer. i'm also still looking for the perfect poem or song for the ceremony, too. i remain undaunted.
7. the Next Blog button: does everyone in portugal have a fucking blog?
8. Underoos: i'm still being teased about this **folds arms** i don't wanna talk about it.
9. the Weather: it's been gorgeous here for the last week. let's keep it that way, i don't think i can survive another heatwave.
10. Ethel Merman: hasn't left my MP3 player in days. she's been duking it out with Kristine W for diva of the week. I'm glad to be alive in the land of the living where there's no business like show business...

is there anything else i've missed?

the (Not-So Lost) Weekend

what a fantastic weekend. i took off yesterday because, let's face it, it's been a fairly difficult couple of months (what with the brain tumor, entering middle age, general work related craziness and various other stresses). the last day off i had was to go to, yet another, doctor for the damn pea in my head. that was well over a month ago and despite the fact that i only have 3 vacation/personal days left (having squandered the other seven), i felt it was definitely time to cash another in. the remaining two are already reserved for Black Friday and our anniversary (October 6th).

anyway, i can't even say that i did anything terribly exciting over the weekend, and that was the best part. i got to sleep late, i had lunch with my niece, saw a movie and went out for brunch with my parents (that's a post all by itself). i also got to indulge in my latest slothful activity: sunbathing. i laid out on (on my new chair; heaven!) sunday for about 2 hours and then again yesterday for an hour (i couldn't take anymore than an hour, as i really was sweating like a whore in church). it was absolutely glorious and now i'm a wonderful shade of brown that belies my Sicilian roots. if it wasn't for the fact that i can be a big flaming mary at times, i look like i should be schlepping crates of olives on my shoulders or stomping grapes in a barrel alla Lucy. ironically, with my colorblindness, i feel like i look a touch green, which strikes me as funny.

i also made it through two books this weekend: Chris Kenry's Confessions of a Cassanova and David Stukas' Going Down for the Count, both of which i hightly recomend. i've mentioned in the past how much i adore the way Kenry writes; this book is just as good as his last two (thanks to Magenta, since i bought it with the GC she gave me). David Stukas also is a writer worth reading. he has a (four novel) series of murder mysteries that are absolutely wonderful. they're funny, extremely clever and actually mysterious (ok they were for me, but to someone with any shred of common sense they may be quite simplistic); very Agatha Christie meets Armistead Maupin. i actually corresponded with him recently, and i'm sad to report that he will no longer be writing new installments of this particular series (so pick 'em up now, before they go out of print!).

"Too much of a good thing is wonderful!"~Armistead Maupin

Silver Glitter Tumor

Once upon a time (somewhere in the late ‘90’s I think, but who can remember that far back) I read a book. The title was Can’t Buy Me Love and it was by Chris Kenry. No, it’s not about the Beatles; it’s about male prostitution, the gay porn industry, public assistance, taxidermy and true love (yes it’s fiction, silly). I’ve since read this book about 5 more times (y’all know how I like to re-read mah books), and the one part that sticks with me every day is when the protagonist of our tale wanders into the Denver Museum and happens across an exhibit devoted to the Colorado Silver Rush. In the middle of the room is a book where patrons of the museum have written about silver (heirlooms, etc). it must be a very Hands On kinda museum. Anyhoo…one patron has written in all sorts of acronyms for the wordk Silver (ie: Some Icelandics Love Very Eerie Recordings). I thought it was funniest thing I’d ever read. After I finished the book I loaned it to John, who found it just as fabulous. Since (6 years ago? 5?) then we’ve been text messaging each other acronyms for Silver. After a while we branched out. Mariah Carey’s Glitter had hit the world and in retaliation for making me sit through it, I inflicted acronyms on John (Gorgeous Lesbians insist tube tops ease redness). Oh the times we’ve had with Glitter!
Lately, in response to my fears and anxieties about my pet neuroma, we’ve been using the word Tumor (Thin? Ummm Mariah’s Obese. Really). I invite you, my friends, to help out and offer your own acronyms using SILVER GLITTER or TUMOR and to post them here on my blog.

some of our greatest hits:

TUMOR: Terrycloth Underneath Maribou?!! Oh Really?!!?
TUMOR: Tragedy! Ugly Mexicans Off Romanians!!
SILVER: Slim Indians Love Vibrant Enormous Ribbons
SILVER: Sometimes I Like Very Enigmatic Ricans
GLITTER: Gorgeous Ladies in tank tops enjoy running
GLITTER: Grazing Lightly, I Tried To Eat Rhubarb
GLITTER: Giggling leprechauns? insipid tittering taunts every rapist
GLITTER: Going Long, I Tackled Timmy Every Round
SILVER: Single Indians Like Vaginally Entering Romanians
GLITTER: Gigantic Lithuanians Insist: Terrycloth Towels Eradicate Red-wine!
GLITTER: "Getting Lice Is Terribly Tragic", Earl Replied
TUMOR: Terribly Undercooked Meat often repeats
TUMOR: “Tranny”! uttered Madonna, obviously repulsed
TUMOR: Terrycloth undermines Madonna’s obsession: RAYON!
TUMOR: Try uncut meat over regular.
TUMOR: the Underwear Model ordered raisins.
TUMOR: Tongue usage might offer relief

“She’s an onion-pussy bitch and I hate her”~ Get Huh (Ride Committee featuring Roxy)

Brain Farts

this was a truly stressful weekend. **rubs temples**

my car (whom stephen has lovingly named Jo) suffered some sort of debilitating seizure on saturday night after showing appartent symptoms for several months. we were on our way to do a Pampered Chef show at my brother/sister-in-law's house, when we pulled over at a supermarket. the woman next to me was blasting Pakistani House music, so i turned my car off, put the key in Auxillary and cranked up DJ John Michael Presents Pride Volume 1. she left, stephen came out and when i went to turn the car on...nothing. actually it was a weird ticking/grinding noise (like Katherine Hepburn hocking up phlegm). that was that. she stayed in the parking lot of the supermarket overnight (my dad picked us up and brought us to and from the show) till we towed it to a garage on Sunday. Sunday, was Father's Day which meant dinner at mom's. Stephen had plans to see his father on LI, but couldn't go because he had no way of getting there (despite his best efforts, i still feel guilty about that). i also feel guilty that my dad had to come and schlep us back and forth to the garage and then home and to their house. i hate being that guy who needs rides and inconveniences people (even if they are family); i was that guy for a very long time (i've only been driving, like, 6 years) and i realize what a pain in the ass it is to be friends with that guy. anyhoo...Father's Day dinner was like any other dinner at Mom and Pop's: i felt the usual tension and overwhelming desire to flee as soon as possible; stephen was indifferent and amiable to my family's quirkiness. we went home watched Bewitched Season 2 on DVD and sweated it out till bedtime.
Monday brought Doctor Demonico: Neuro-Surgeon. ok that's not his name, but it's what sticks out in my head. his real name is Dr Shiau; he's fairly young and trendy-asian: gorgeous suit/shirt/tie combo, nice shoe, nice glasses. his opinion? get a hearing test and see if the pea-sized tumor is fucking with my hearing (yes, i'm paraphrasing). if there is a hearing loss we discuss our options (which is really only one option: Surgery). i'm loathe to admit he made an excellent case for surgery, saying the risk of something going wrong is arund 3%. he also said that radiation is useless because the tumor is "slow growing". if there isn't any sigificant hearing loss, then he suggests getting another MRI and Hearing test in 6 months and tracking both the growth of the tumor and any loss in hearing.
with that news i went to pick up my car which needed a new alternator and inspection (i had gotten a ticket while at the Rufus concert because my inspection had expired in October of 2005. who knew you had to get that checked every year?). the new alternator only cost me $25o which was about $150 less than what i was expecting. now i can breathe a little easier knowing that my car and brain are both hanging on a little longer.

i just wanna say thanks, by the way, for everyone's love, support and good wishes through all of this. you've all been so wonderful and i truly feel lucky to have such fantastic friends as you. i really don't think i could've gotten through this without you all (especially Stephen and John who've gone to the doctor with me and seen me freak out). i love you.

"The equality that we are all entitled to, as citizens of this democracy, can't be avoided by some religious dogma of a President who's is supposed to believe in the notion of separation of church and state. And he frankly doesn't".~ Rosie O'Donnell

My Brain...Unplugged.

the doctor called last night when i got home; it's official: i have an Acoustic Neuroma.

he gave me the name of a Neuro-Surgeon on Staten Island, and i have to call him later for an appointment.
i still have the appointment with the ENT on Friday, though i'm thinking that now whatever his advice will be is sorta moot. it looks like it's all in the hands of the Neuro-Surgeon.

i called my mom after i spoke with the doctor, and she was quite supportive; in her usual honest and direct manner she told me that despite my decision not to be operated on (regardless of the findings) that there is always the chance that any tumor or growth can morph into **whispers** cancer. this did little to settle my mind.

in a vain attempt to de-stress and chill out, i asked stephen if we could forgoe our usual QAF dvd marathon and watch something more more consistantly chipper: Will and Grace (Season 4) and the Golden Girls (Season 1). i figured, I REALLY need to laugh right now and these will do the trick (better living through DVD box sets). alas, i was wrong; i picked four of the most upsetting and downright depressing episodes in either shows' history: Grace takes to her bed after being dumped by Nathan (Woody Harleson) after a botched marriage proposal; Dorothy, Rose and Blanche rally around Sophia's bedside when it appears as though she is having a massive heart attack and contemplate death.

so after i stopped crying like a premenstural 16 year old, i left stephen to finish his paperwork and went to bed.

all in all it wasn't a good night.

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."-Oscar Wilde

Pea Brained

i have to write this quickly as my one day off has left my desk in complete shambles. sadly when i'm not here, my work is left in the oh-so-capable hands of Dingbat. it's terrible, i loathe taking vacation days or calling in sick because i know that when i come back it'll be double the work. i swear to god. in the words of my father, that woman "could fuck up a wet dream". Digression over. i went to the ENT yesterday and here's what happened:
he looked at the MRI film and the synopsis and concluded that whatever is in my head is roughly the size of a pea. he couldn't give a definitive diagnosis without the 2nd MRI (with the contrasting dye), so he told me to come back with those results. he stressed that i shouldn't be worried, though (at least not till they know precisely what the pea-sized item in my noggin is).
so untill June 1st, i'm not worrying, stressing or losing sleep over it. :)

"I keep saying to my friends/I'd care if I had time to just give away/But I don't want to think about that/I don't want to think about that" Don't Wanna Think (Kristine W.)

If I Had Half a Brain...

i was asked by several loyal readers (you know who you are) to give some updates on my brain tumor (which shall henceforth be refered to as either my Brake Fluid, Bran Flavor or Brain Fever alla Soapdish)...
as of now, i still don't know jack. i'm going to an ENT tomorrow (no, not a spirit of the trees you Lord of the Rings geek, an Ear Nose Throat doctor). i'm stopping off to pick up the 1st MRI to bring him so that maybe he can shed some light. i'll be honest: i'm hoping that he spots something that my 1st doc hasn't and that it turns out to be a Polly Pocket that somehow got stuck in my ear when i was 7 which never found it's way out. yeah, i know, the odds aren't in my favor, but a guy can dream right? seriously, i don't think the ENT will be able to tell me much of anything, not if it's a neurological thing. But, i've got the appointment, so we'll see what he says.

Whatever he tells me, i promise that Thursday will bring more news.


"I just can't get you out of my head...every night and every day...i just can't get you out of my head"- Can't Get You Out of My Head (Kylie Minogue)