You (Unfortunately) Can't Spell Christmas Without Christ

The other day I was goofing off at work on break, checking out Facebook, when I saw a friend’s status update mention that he and his husband were out to eat and he was less than thrilled because a religious Christmas song came on. It got me thinking:

I, myself, am not religious. While I was raised Roman Catholic, and spent about 16 years in the Catholic educational system, I remember reaching a point in that education (around senior year of high school) where I found it all quite distasteful, duplicitous and shameful; owing to having known too many Catholics (both professionally and recreationally) who were just awful, rotten people. Still, I wound up attending a catholic college (for the education) and it’s been more than a decade since I last received Communion or sought penance; since to do either seemed hollow and hypocritical. Nowadays, with all the crap being handed to the gays by right wing religious nuts, I find most organized religions abhorrent and especially bristle when it comes to “Christians”. The “Christians” drive me particularly nuts, since most of them are so ridiculously cult-like, preying on the dimwitted, weak-willed and empty; not to mention the tentacles of evil that have wound their way into politics. Nope, I’m not a fan of religion.

 Except when it comes to Christmas. I love Christmas; always have and always will.

 

Ho-Ho-Hold UP

The holidays are right around the corner and I’m totally not having any of it. I’ve been seeing all kinds of Christmas decorations in my travels around 3 of the 5 boroughs, since Halloween. Wasn’t Halloween, like, last Tuesday? “My” Starbucks has had their iconic red cups since November 1st and started serving Christmas Blend this past Monday. It’s all happening way too quickly for me.

Soup Dumplings, Pink Unicorns and That Guy from Buffy

what an amazing weekend it was! the brief re-cap:

1. a couple of days after last weekend's visit, MS asked me to pick up a lovely pink unicorn she had seen in the toy aisle of our local Stop N Shop. it seems she'd found a good home for her. On Saturday, we braved the icy rain/sleet/snow, the SI Ferry and the NYC subway system to bring Frenchie (for that was the unicorn's name) to MS and Dug; but only after we had had some fun with her 1st.


2. the drop off happened at our favorite NY Chinese restaurant, which is home to the world's best* soup dumplings. this was a double bonus: MS & Dug and soup dumplings.


3. while waiting for our table, who happened to wander in with a mini-entourage, but Danny Strong (aka Jonathan Levinson from Buffy)! much debating ensued over whether or not to acknowledge the fact that we were in the company of a b-list celeb (with a-list geek-star street cred), 'til our table was ready. on the way to the table, CawfeeMate stopped and told Danny that we "loved his work". To his credit, Danny seemed genuinely happy to be noticed and thanked us.

dinner was great, as always, but we promised Dug that the next time we met up in the city we'd try a different restaurant (since this is the only one we meet at when we're together). luckily there's an app for that...

*in truth their's are the only soup dumplings i've ever had.

Knit Wit

(the odds of this post actually being witty are pretty slim, as it's monday morning, but i was at a loss for an adequate title)


this weekend, MS and Dug dropped by for an afternoon of facetime...which turned into a weekend of facetime which was alot better than just an afternoon. while Dug and i played Lego Batman on the Wii, MS finished knitting a hat for a young lady (and sometimes model) she happens to know. totally inspired by how great the hat was coming out, i told her that i'd been thinking of learning to knit*, and (in true MS fashion) she jumped at the idea of teaching me.

the next morning, over pancakes and coffee, she sat me down on the couch and commenced the Basics of Knitting. She took it slowly and taught me to "cast on", the "knit stitch", "the purl stitch" and "casting off". in about an hour i had two small rectangles of knitted wool and a belly full of ambition. half an hour later, i walked out of A.C, Moore, $20 lighter, but with my very own set of bamboo knitting needles and some lovely blue wool/acrylic yarn. Visions of scarves, hats, sweaters and gloves for my friends and family filled my head! We returned to my house, kissed, hugged and parted ways. the huz and i then went to the supermarket for the weekly shopping. an hour or two later, i finally sat down to turn out my 1st scarf, in a lovely shade of blue.

i sat there staring at the needles and yarn for, like, 20 minutes. i'd completely forgotten how to "cast on". eventually it clicked, and i was golden. for 30 seconds.

I couldn't figure out how to make the 1st knit stitch. rather than stare blankly for another twenty minutes, I went online and found a YouTube tutorial "the knit stitch". that was fine, for an hour, until I wound up with an extra stitch and couldn't figure out how or why or how to undo what I'd been doing without unraveling everything. this time i sat, dumbly, for only ten minutes before realizing that i had no idea how to "unknit" something. the scarf was unraveled.

hit Ctrl+Alt+delete and start over.

the entire process lasted several hours; the remainder of the afternoon, into the late evening: knitting, screwing up, do-over. i was fine. i was a beginner and destined to fuck up, right? right. everything felt like it was going well. i'd gotten about 30 rows down (maybe a 4" square) without the phantom stitch appearing. all my stitches looked straight! it was pretty! so I figured I'd attempt to purl. big mistake.

an hour later, while watching Desperate Housewives, all i had to show for my day's worth of knitting was one row of stitches. all the time i'd spent knitting was completely undone by my vain and hubristic efforts at purling.

defeated, I put the needles and yarn down and had some hummus and chips. i know i'll tame the yarn, but not in one night.

*CawfeeMate and i have been catching up on old episodes of Grey's Anatomy and i was intrigued that crazy, cancer riddled Izzie could crank out a scarf for Dr. Bailey in one day. how hard could it be?

Top 10 Things I'm Thankful For This Year

1. friends: they're really, honestly, truly like my family and despite the fact that we're all pretty scattered around the country (New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, San Francisco, Florida and Maryland) it's love that makes the distance seem less significant. we may not talk or e-mail or see each other every day, but when we do, it's like we just spoke yesterday. i hope they know that i'd take a bullet for any of them.

2. CawfeeMate: there's nobody, in all the world, who understands me like he does and suffers through my anxieties, tantrums, doldrums and idiocy; i'm so incredibly lucky to have him in my life. there's also nobody, in the world, that i love more than i love him.

3. Rufus: if there's anything better than puppy kisses and the unconditional love that come with them, i don't know what it is...

4. my parents: i know i bitch about them...alot...they're crazy and strange and they make no sense sometimes; they're also incredibly loyal and supportive and loving.

5. Mallomars: what? don't hate.

6. this blog (and its readers): i know i write sporadically (blame the recession), but on the rare occasions i get to post something actually worthwhile (not a quiz or a link to fabulously quirky t-shirts), it feels good. it feels good to have voice "out there" and a soapbox to rant from; it's even nicer knowing that some people are actually listening...

7. blogger friends: just when i think my life is a sit-com, you guys (and girls...and girls who used to be guys...) make me feel totally mainstream and ordinary! seriously though, the blogs i read from all over the world, remind me that we're such a diverse and unique community. you're all brilliant and incredibly sensitive writers.

8. my job: i know i often say i hate it, but in this day and age, any job you can get up in the morning and go to is a good one; especially if you're in the finance industry. besides, i like most of the people i work with; they're good blog fodder.

9. my health: during a recent talk with the huz, it occurred to me that with the exception of that brain tumor a couple of years ago, i'm pretty healthy; i rarely get sick (**knock on wood**) and since i've been exercising and eating better, i feel pretty damn good, much more often than not.

10. i'm queer: shocking, i know, but i really am thankful that i was born this way. aside from these reasons, i'm really so very thankful to be part of the gay community. we're so different, but united by similar experiences and lifestyles. i truly believe that we (ok, most of us) are the last guardians of wit, irony and gothic humor. i also believe that i'm lucky not to have to be saddled with kids (and relieved that they're truly an optional accessory that i am utterly repelled by). being gay in the US, means that we've got so many more options than at any other point in history; we're constantly re-defining our roles in our communities, cities and states. we can get married if we want to...in some parts of the country/world and we can define what those marriages mean. or we can choose not to get hitched. we have the option to be conventional or non-conventional; i think that's pretty damn wonderful and i'm incredibly thankful to be part of this community at this time in history.

happy thanksgiving, all. enjoy your friends and/or families.

"Thanksgiving isn't about blending of two cultures. It's about one culture wiping out another. And then they make animated specials about the part where, with the maize and the big, big belt buckles. They don't show you the next scene, where all the bison die and Squanto takes a musket ball in the stomach"~ Willow (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Test Day: I Must Say, I'm Curious What Dr. K's Result Will Be

You Are Beef and Broccoli

You are a smart, no nonsense type of person. You are very low maintenance compared to most people. You are often thinking of everyone else but yourself. You feel the most comfortable when you are putting yourself last. You tend to order quickly yet carefully from the menu of life. You don't have a lot of time to agonize over decisions. By doing the best you can in each moment, you've done pretty well in life. People truly respect and admire you.

What Kind of Chinese Food Are You?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

Supersize Me

i have an incredibly "love/hate" relationship with food; i love to eat, but i hate to gain weight.
i love food; meat, vegetables, bread, cakes, sweets. i come from foodies and my mom and dad raised me to try everything before saying i don't like it. lately i've even begun to re-visit things i hadn't liked in the past, attempting to see if my taste really has changed*.
the problem is, i like food a little too much. over the last 33 years i've lost and gained and lost and gained to an almost ridiculous degree; i'm starting to feel like Kirstie Alley. here are the highlights:

• (1999, about a year after graduating college) i was 165 lbs and wearing a size 30 jeans*, thanks to a really hot mexican guy who gave me mono.
• (2006) a year before CawfeeMate and i tied the knot  i was 210 lbs
• (2007) thanks to Weight Watchers, i was down to 172 by the time we got married, on October 6th.
• (2008) a year later, i was up to 190 lbs, when we got married (again) on October 11th. 
• as of this morning, i'm down to 173 lbs.
  
  
  

i can pretty much point to my complete unwillingness to participate in any physical activity as the cause of my ascent to 210. i do not like sports. i do not like to exercise. given the opportunity, i would lie around (be it on the couch or in a hammock), reading and playing videogames all day. actually, that's exactly what i did for six months, in 2003, while i was unemployed and mooching off CawfeeMate;  that's where the bulk of my...bulk...came from. 

but, in the end, all the rest of the ups and downs all come back to food.

i almost always want to eat, but i know that i can't.

i could snack all day at work; i could drop $5 a day on the lady who sits 3 desks over and sells snack-sized bags of chips and cookies and pretzels and things...but i walk by her every day and only say hello.

at home, i'd gladly indulge in second helpings of whatever we make for dinner***,  and then sit down to watch tv with thebag of pita chips and a tub of hummus we got from Costco...but, instead, i measure out one portion of chips (admitedly about 2 cups) and about half a cup of the hummus. and dessert? i could easily down half a pint of Ben & Jerry's Cake Batter ice cream or half a package of Oreos or Mallomars in an evening, instead of stopping after one scoop or 3 cookies.

if i didn't exercise restraint, i'd feel terrible about myself. i'd be racked with good old fashioned catholic flavored guilt about not being able to overcome my basest urges. because that's what it's all about, at the end of the day: being able to lie in bed**** and say "your will-power stopped you from eating today". well that and being able to fit in size 32 pants.

i slipped this morning and indulged in the craving i've had for McDonald's breakfast. There's alot of fat and alot of calories in a bacon, egg and cheese on a bagel, folks, but i had to give in. there was no way i'd be able to make it another day without one. so, as "penance" i skipped lunch and will forgo my after dinner chips and hummus. as i finish writing this (i started about 4 hours ago), i'm unbelievably hungry. Debbie, the chip lady, has one bag of Cinnamon Scooby Snack graham crackers left (only 55 cents!) but i'm going to walk past her, on the way out the door, no matter how tempted i am to slip twice in one day.

i have to will myself not to because each time i do, it's another step closer toward 210...someplace that i refuse to ever see again.

* i have CawfeeMate to thank for this, since his way of cooking and tastes aren't quite the same as mine. he's a brilliant cook, so chances are if he makes it, i'll like it.

** truth to be told, i probably should've been wearing a size 32, but i was 23 and had an ass you could bounce a quarter off of and make change, so why quibble?

*** 99% of the time, whatever we cook is made in a way that the WW gurus would approve of: low fat or no fat cheeses on our pizza, chicken sausage, green vegetables every day, measured portions, little or no oil, nothing fried, etc.
**** maybe this explains why CawfeeMate tells me that i "sleep eat"; that is: make noises like i'm eating and drinking, in my sleep.

Mallomarvelous

It's fall! Do you know what that means? Mallomar season is upon us!
it seems the magical cookie elves (no, not the Keebler elves...different elves...migrant elves...possibly Mexican or South American) have harvested, boxed and shipped the delightful little chocolate covered parcels of joy to our local supermarkets.
did you not know they were seasonal? me neither, 'til about 2 years ago when CawfeeMate and i went into King Kullen looking for a box to satisfy my genetically predisposed addiction* to them and the manager told me that they weren't "in season" and then suggested the (apparently hot house grown) Pinwheels** or Whippets, instead. But, to paraphrase My Cousing Vinny, no self-respecting Mallomar fan would ever settle for a Pinwheel or a Whippet. It's like Oreos vs Hydrox, Boar's Head vs Oscar Meyer bologna, or Kylie vs Dannii Minogue; a pale imitation of true quality which rarely satisfies.
anyway, relish these fall and winter months, my friends, and indulge.if you've never tried a Mallomar, i suggest picking up a box and savoring the just-picked and always fresh taste. afterward, i'll meet you at Costco to stock up for the off-season.

*my dad is a Mallomars fiend and has been known to (happily) receive boxes of them for Christmas and his birthday, which luckily fall during prime Mallomars season. Strangely, neither my mom, nor my husband understand the allure...
** which are so not Mallomars that i can't even find a good link for you

Oh, and if you like the picture, up top, you can get it on a shirt here

Random (Drunken)Thought of the Day...Night...Whatever.

White Castle needs to add quiche lorraine to their "late night drunken bastard" menu. seriously. it's heaven.

thanks to MS for filling that void.

Test Day: Guess Who Woke Up Hungry This Morning?

You Are a Chocolate Cupcake

You are deep, richly interesting, and at times overpowering. You have a strong personality. You are drawn to people who adore you. You love it when your specialness is recognized. You are like a cupcake because it's hard for people to get enough of you. You have a mysterious charm that makes you incredibly addicting. People are drawn to your drama.

What Flavor Cupcake Are You?

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

Test Day: CG & J

Your PB and J Says You're Demure and Dainty

Your eating style is reserved. You are a bit of a fussy eater, and you have very specific ways you like your food prepared. You don't really have a sweet tooth. If you go for dessert, you tend to go for something light. Your taste in food tends to be quite eclectic and wide. You are an adventurous eater, and you like many types of cuisines. You are probably a fairly normal, upper middle class person. You don't rock the boat too often. You are a tough person who isn't afraid to live life fully. There isn't a lot that scares you. You are laid back and extremely easygoing. You never make a fuss, and you try to enjoy every moment.

What Does Your Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich Say About You?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

Meat & Greet or Don't Play With Your Food (First)

this Saturday, the huz and i went to a friend's Annual Pig Roast/Family Reunion, up in New Rochelle; the family...reunes...and everyone is encouraged to invite friends to share in the bounty of a 70-odd pound pig which is roasted in an enormous box in the back yard. we had gone last year, but arrived "fashionably late", as is our people's custom, only to find that when one arrives fashionably late to a pig roast, one is left with a few stray dried out pieces of pork and picked over side dishes. oh and a head. the head was left, too.

this year, we aimed to arrive at 2pm; the time listed, on the invitation, as the "pig flip" (when the pig is, quite literally, flipped over in its flaming coal-lined coffin which is cooking it to perfection). i wasn't quite prepared for the sight of an enormous pig...butterflied...and pressed flat between two grills (like you'd cook a red snapper). i was instantly appalled (but not enough to not have a sizable helping of pork, about an hour later when it was carved up), especially when i remembered a conversation i'd had with a friend who eschews pork and pork products because pigs are incredibly cute and smart animals. i get that rationale, totally; i really do (i just love bacon and prosciutto and sausage and ham too much to have those kind of principles).

his rationale, though, reminds me of 2 stories from my childhood:

1. Once upon a time i was a really stupid kid. i ate just about anything my mother put in front of me ("try it once, if you don't like it i won't make it again" was her motto) with the exception of seafood. the only seafoody things i'd eat were spaghetti and clams, tuna salad sandwiches and fish sticks, the last i actually really really liked. well, one afternoon when i was about 8, my mother announces that, for dinner that night, i'd be having fish sticks, which usually meant my parents and brother would be having sole or somesuch "real fish". a little later on my father returned from work with a big bag from the fish market which proceeded to get dumped in the sink which was full of water. i came in to investigate and, low and behold, there were two enormous live lobsters writhing about and trying to escape the sink. i was totally enraptured of these animals. for an hour or more, i stood by the sink and played with my new friends (whom i'd named, according to family legend) at no point noticing or wondering about the huge pot of water and spices boiling away on the stove top; that is, until my mother decided it was time for her to prepare dinner for herself and my dad. i don't remember eating the fish sticks or watching them eat the lobster just being super upset that my two pets were gone...and that mom and dad ate them. it was the last time anything live was ever served in our house.

2. years after the lobster incident, we took a trip down to Florida to visit my grandmother who was living with my mother's sister who was living in a double-wide with her hillbilly husband, a couple of kids, and numerous dogs. nestled in the back, behind the trailer, was a small wooden shack which lived rabbits. one day, uncle james brought me out in the back to show me the rabbits; cute little fuzzy bunnies. i was sitting on the grass playing with the rabbit, whom (again) i'd named, for a long while till he told me to go in the house and play with my cousins. i ran off happily, since to be around uncle james meant you needed to keep your guard up against "titty twisters", "indian burns" and various other physical assaults, thinking i'd see "my" rabbit later in the week. later that night, we sat down to dinner my grandmother had prepared: fried chicken. at least, i thought it was fried chicken till uncle james chuckled and told me it was "my" rabbit.

so, yeah, my days of putting a face to my food are long gone; which is good, because i love meat. chicken is my favorite (maybe it's because i've never met a chicken?) followed by veal (more things should be locked in a box if it makes them taste this good) and lamb...i love me some lamb. i guess i've become desensitized to the whole "meat is murder" thing, and quite adept at seperating "Babe" from "Baby back ribs" and "Caroline the Moo-Cow" from a "Quarter Pounder with Cheese". besides have you ever seen a cow inthe flesh? those enormous eyes are filled with pent up rage and given the opportunity i'm sure they'd love to turn one of us into cud...

Test Day: Treat Yourself

You Are a Dipped Cone

You are dramatic, deep, and even demanding. If you're going to do dessert, you're going to go all out with something super rich. People might be surprised to know that you worry about how you're perceived. You've got an image to keep up, and you don't ever want to appear weak.

What Frozen Treat Are You?

Marriage Is About Making Your Partner Happy

and getting a jar of this should make my husband extremely happy* (in 4 to 5 business days).



*but don't tell him; it's a surprise, along with a stick of "bacon flavored lip balm".

You've Got Something on Your Lip, Lemme Get That For Ya...

there's an article about this, too...but who can read when the pictures are so damn pretty?

Thanks Bri-the-Pie-Guy.

Weekend Re-Do

ok, work's been a little nutty lately, but that doesn't mean i don't care about you, my faithful reader(s). here's the Campbell's Soup version of our weekend...

we were back in Connecticut with MS, Dug and (special guest star) Lady Nil. the puppies frolicked while the adults played Rock Band 2, ad nauseum. who knew that Nil would turn out such an amazing version of Blondie's Call Me? a great time, and massive quantities of food, were had by all. Speaking of food, MS made another kick ass leg of lamb and a Scotch & Cheddar fondue that could make you cry. is it me or is there something truly magical about a steaming hot pot of melted cheese spiked with booze, with chuncks of bread and things to dip in it? i also tried king cake for the 1st time; yummy but sweet, sweet, sweet.

before we left for home, we watched Milk, which really warrants its own post but i will say that it left me feeling terribly affected for the entire day. if you haven't already, please see this movie.

Test Day: Piece of Cake

You Are a Chocolate Cupcake

You are deep, richly interesting, and at times overpowering. You have a strong personality. You are drawn to people who adore you. You love it when your specialness is recognized. You are like a cupcake because it's hard for people to get enough of you. You have a mysterious charm that makes you incredibly addicting. People are drawn to your drama.

What Flavor Cupcake Are You?

Mary Had a Little Lamb (and Cheese Fondue, and Beef Empenadas...)

(i've beem mad busy kids, so please bear with me on the fact that this post is 2 days late)

Valentine's weekend was spent doing that which the huz and i do with great passion: eating. Saturday night found us at the Marina Cafe on Staten Island where we enjoyed an absolutely wonderful dinner...with my parents.

Stephen's dinner: crispy shrimp dumplings, veal spedini with fresh papardelle & a chocolate pot (it was an egg cup filled chocolate ganache, with fresh fruit and biscotti for dipping; kind alike cold fondue) with with a double espresso.

CawfeeGuy's dinner: surf & turf sushi (rare filet mignon and shrimp tempura), chicken breast stuffed with broccoli rabe and fresh mozzarella over gnocchi with pancetta, & chocolate cheesecake with a double espresso.

after dinner we picked up the puppy and drove to the best kept secret in all of Connecticut, Magenta Sequins' B & B. we got there a little after midnight and proceeded to have one of the best weekends imaginable. we talked and hung out, drinking homemade mulled cider and began a marathon of Rock Band on Wii*, the 1st round of which lasted till a little after 2:30.

Sunday morning, the house awoke to Stephen's Granny Smith muffins (always a crowd pleaser and, and the most fantastic amaretto coffee. later on, MS unveiled the most splendid homemade beef empenadas and proposed an intriguing taste test: baked vs fried. i don't quite remember, but i'm pretty sure it was 3:1 in favor of the fried pockets of love (crunchy vs flaky). she also "threw together" the most amazing salad with baby greens, raspberries, pears and GOAT CHEESE (i need a t-shirt that says, I love Goat Cheese) and a salad dressing that could only be described as delicious. a little later on she whipped up an exquisite Gruyere fondue with bread and apples; totally hit the spot on a lazy sunday!

the (culinary) highlight of the weekend, though, was the leg of lamb she made for sunday dinner. words cannot describe how much i enjoyed this meat. lamb is, by far, my favorite of all "red meats" (veal runs a close second; yeah i'm an ogre, what of it?) and Leg O' Lamb is my favorite way of eating it (as opposed to chops, shank or stew). whereas, i'd only had it one way (mom's recipe with rosemary and a bottle of red wine), MS took the backroad approach and seasoned the high-holy fuck outta it with garlic cloves and thyme and some other stuff that, honestly, made it the best piece of lamb i'd ever had...bar none. it was so good i almost forgot about the herbed couscous and roasted brussel sprouts she served with it. almost. the evening was capped off by Aztec Chocolate Souffles made by yours truly (chocolate + cinnamon + cayenne pepper).

we really had a fantastic time with MS, Dug & Chewfus. i firmly believe that food only serves to make a good time better. some of my most fun times and favorite experiences with my friends involve food, which is why it got its own post. aside from the fantastic food and drink, though, MS and Dug are just fun people to be around. dug is such a sweetheart and MS is not just a pretty face and a hot body (she's also a phenomenal cook and a kick ass inn keeper)!

*that's a whole other post, folks.

Irony

going here on Saturday night* for Jaegerschnitzel, spaetzle, reibekuchen, allgauer kasespatzle and gulaschsuppe and then here for brunch** on Sunday afternoon for pastries, brioche, Eggs Benedict and mimosas. somehow, i woke up this morning, starving, and all i've got for breakfast is a kashi bar and coffee. i'm not gonna survive till lunch.

seriously though, i ate my way through the weekend and somehow gained only a pound since last sunday; my husband keeps telling me how tall and skinny i look. there's something wrong here...

*we went with the Pie-Guy clan and it was seriously the best german meal i'd ever had with the best company i could imagine!
** i haven't brunched in forever and, lemme tell you, it was amazing! this really was the most fun i've had at brunch in a really long time. i'm hoping this sparks the begining of something more regular.

Test Day: Tough Cookie

You Are Traditional and Dependable

You are optimistic, friendly, and cheerful. People appreciate the hopefulness and good vibes you bring to any situation. You are hungry. For food, yes. But more than anything, you are hungry for power. You're easy going and easy to be around. You aren't picky or high maintenance. You seek security in your life. Feeling safe is important to you.

The Sandwich Cookie Personality Test