You (Unfortunately) Can't Spell Christmas Without Christ

The other day I was goofing off at work on break, checking out Facebook, when I saw a friend’s status update mention that he and his husband were out to eat and he was less than thrilled because a religious Christmas song came on. It got me thinking:

I, myself, am not religious. While I was raised Roman Catholic, and spent about 16 years in the Catholic educational system, I remember reaching a point in that education (around senior year of high school) where I found it all quite distasteful, duplicitous and shameful; owing to having known too many Catholics (both professionally and recreationally) who were just awful, rotten people. Still, I wound up attending a catholic college (for the education) and it’s been more than a decade since I last received Communion or sought penance; since to do either seemed hollow and hypocritical. Nowadays, with all the crap being handed to the gays by right wing religious nuts, I find most organized religions abhorrent and especially bristle when it comes to “Christians”. The “Christians” drive me particularly nuts, since most of them are so ridiculously cult-like, preying on the dimwitted, weak-willed and empty; not to mention the tentacles of evil that have wound their way into politics. Nope, I’m not a fan of religion.

 Except when it comes to Christmas. I love Christmas; always have and always will.

 

God Complex

I’m getting mighty pissed off that natural disasters and atrocities are constantly being blamed on The Gays. It seems we’re responsible for last weekend’s hurricane, last week’s earthquake, the butchered boy a month or so back; hell even 9/11. Everything bad, according to the Crazy Christers (and friends), is their god’s way of telling them that he’s pissed off at us; all this drama is his way of saying that DADT should remain, DOMA is A-OK and that New York is the new Sodom (ok…maybe that last one’s not that far of a stretch).

People Are People, Right?

Where is all this hate coming from? I know it’s nothing new and it’s also nothing I haven’t touched upon, on this blog, before, but I’m really at a loss lately. There’s so much about the militant anti-LGBT movement that I just don’t understand; like the rationale of the Nazis and the Klan. My pink liberal brain just can’t quite comprehend what it is that one gets out of limiting the rights, freedoms and happiness of others. I don’t get how anyone can say that “the gays” want to “redefine marriage” when, in all actuality, most of us agree with the current definition: “two people, in a legally binding contract, joined together forever”; just not the interpretation of “two people”. The gays aren’t the ones who want to redefine it to only mean men and women marrying. I don’t understand how our marriage has any affect on anyone else’s life, but mine and my husband.

Quite honestly, I blame religion. The 1st thing you learn in almost all religious education is that only “believers” get into heaven; everyone else is doomed until they see the light. Non-believers are pitied, scorned and in extreme cases fought to the death. In a country built on freedom from religious persecution, you’d think we would be less apt to let religion have a hand in writing our laws. With the vitriol with which right-wing Christians and Catholics criticize Muslims for their hateful zeal, you’d think their anti-LGBT rhetoric would be less focused on cramming their faith and beliefs down the throats of non-believers. Most are so afraid of having any Muslim influence on our political system (read: the Birthers) that they can’t see their devotion to Jesus are just as rabidly fanatical.

It just seems that the entire anti-LGBT faction has gotten completely out of control and has become counter-productive to this country’s basic tenets, and raises more questions about its ethics and purported morals. You’ve got men and women who, despite all the hate and rhetoric directed at them, love their country enough that they’re willing to die to defend it. How can anyone rationalize not giving them the opportunity to defend that country because of who they sleep with? You’ve got millions of people who want to add more stability to the country by “legitimizing” their relationships and creating the standard family unit; how can that destroy it, especially when it's current state is in such horrible disrepair? How can a country founded on the ideals of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness seriously think that creating laws to limit all three, for a large section of the population, be in that country’s best interest? Did we learn nothing from our country’s past when the nation treated African Americans and women of all races as second class citizens?

Sometimes i get really scared about our future. Thinking about Proposition 8 and the recent news on DADT, it seems like the steps we've taken towards freedom and equality can be undone at anytime; that those freedoms and rights are wholly contingent on how many democrats or republicans are sitting where...

CawfeeGuy's Holiday Chestnuts

i couldn't let my last post be my last post, so here's something a tad more UP....

as you all may (or may not) know. i fucking love Christmas music. Love it. i start looking for new stuff around Halloween and start playing it (and nothing else) the day after Thanksgiving, until New Year's Day. here's the best of the new stuff i picked up this season (most of which is kinda old, but new to me):

1. Christmas Duel (the Hives and Cyndi Lauper): in truth, i bought this last year, just before new years, but i was so appalled by it that i only listened to it once. it has to be the worst "Christmas song" ever, and i would not want my mom to hear it. this year i realized that it's an absolutely awesome song, though (maybe i've become more jaded over the last year). Cyndi sounds amazing and the whole thing has a very Phil Spector kinda sound, gone horribly horribly wrong.

2. Jingle Bells (Barry Maniilow & Expose): yes, that Expose of the 80's. brilliant swinging "Bing-and-the-Andrews-Sisters" sound.

3. Zat You Santa Claus? (Buster Poindexter): c'mon...he's from Staten Island...how can you not love this cover of the old Louis Armstrong song? it's very Nightmare Before Christmas.

4. All I Want for Christmas is You (the 88): i had seen the 88 when they opened for the b52's this past summer and liked their California pop/rock sound; this single was free on iTunes and i thought "what the hell", thinking it was a cover of Mariah's All I Want for Christmas is You. it's not...but it's definitely worth picking up, as it's catchy and fun.

5. a Christmas Gift from Phil Spector (full album; Various Artists): this is one of the absolute best albums, ever. all the girl groups of the 5o's, that Phil Spector created, are together on this album with covers a crap load of Christmas favorites. Very retro-christmas that takes me back to my childhood and mom would blast the oldies station while we baked. Honestly, there are songs on here that i've always hated in the past (Marshmallow World and the Parade of the Wooden Soldiers) that are infinitely more tolerable because they're sung by the Ronettes.

6. Christmas Tree (Lady Gaga featuring Space Cowboy): thanks to MS for telling me about this song. it's silly and ridiculous and very Lady Gaga.

7. the Christmas of Your Life (full album; Helen Reddy): yup, Helen Reddy has a Christmas Album and it's really really good; cheesy, but good. it's really great "background music".

8. Joseph: Better You, Than Me (the Killers, Neil Tennant & Elton John): not terribly festive, but a really good song, nonetheless, and all about the vaguest person in the nativity.

9. the First Noel (David Archuleta): who the hell is this guy? i got this song and Joy to the World off a free iTunes Christmas sampler (along with a whole lot of middle-America, banjo strumming country nonsense) and it's really good; he's got a very sweet voice.

10. O Come All Ye Faithful/Adeste Fidelis (Amy Grant): i'll admit it, i own Amy's Heart In Motion cd, but ever since i heard she was a crazy Christer i've been kind of leary of her music. this was on the same sampler as #9, though, and i will grudgingly admit that's its really well done. if you can get it free, do it...otherwise i wouldn't spend a dime on her.

11. Christmas Cheer (full album; Connie Francis): absolutely, brilliantly, campy and kitchy and fabulous along the lines of the Doris Day and Ella Fitzgerald Christmas albums. it's faboulous (especially her version of the Twelve Days of Christmas where she sounds like she's from Brooklyn).

12. We Wish You a Merry Christmas (Weezer): really great pop/rock cover from a band i usually don't pay attention to.

13. Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow (Luscious Jackson): see #12

14. Great Big Sleigh (the Killers): my absolute favorite song this season.

15. Rockin Around the Christmas Tree (Miley Cyrus): i know, i know, i know; she's saccharine sweet and disgustingly over exposed, but still...it's a fun song.

i also greatly appreciate any suggestions for "new music"!

Merry, Happy, Jolly, Festive...Whatever, kids!

Conversation of the Day

CawfeeGuy: Holy crap, did you here what they found in Africa?
CawfeeMate: something about a fossil, right?
CG: Yeah! They're calling it the "missing link"! this is great!
CM: Eh. it'll be disproved before the week is over.
CG: Whattayamean?
CM: babe, they can't "prove" evolution.
CG: Why?!?
CM: the Pope would absolutely lose his shit.

i dunno if anyone else finds this nearly as funny as i do; probably not.
it's that a) CM used that phrase which is not a CM kinda phrase and b) it's the image of the pope going nuts over a 45,000,000 year old fossil and calling it evil. i've been chuckling for the last hour over it...

It's My Party

After a month of preparation (i needed to plan something now that i've run out of weddings...), we had our 1st annual Halloween Bash on Saturday night and it all came to a pretty damn fabulous, if exhausting, culmination.

The party was a bit smaller than i thought it was gonna be, and i was just a little bummed 'cuz a couple of people told me they were gonna come and then didn’t and that other people were otherwise engaged or had new babies to attend to; there were also a few people who couldn't have made it, even if they wanted to, because of geography.

Those who did made it looked absolutely fantastic and everyone (except my husband) came in costume**, which really made me happy! I made way too much food ("Halloweenies", various dips with chips, canape with tapanade, and catered sandwich-wraps), way too much booze (i'll say it again, You were right Justin; 1 case of beer woulda been enough), way too many desserts (MS made the most fabulous heart and brain cupcakes, Nil made a totally adorable Graveyard Pudding, rice krispie treats, and lots of candy). I can honestly say that i think i spent more money on decorations and food for this party than i did on my 1st car, and everyone really seemed to appreciate the effort. Games were played (Find Damien's mark of evil, Collect all the Spiders) and a good time seemed to be had by all.

my camera was MIA for most of the night, but i know MS and Nil got some, so i'll either link to them or post them here. next year's party will be better than this years, now that i've got some experience on the hows and whens.

* he'd been anti-costume until the Friday morning when he said, Hmmm maybe i will dress up, but wound up wearing the t-shirt i got him when he said that he "didn't do" costumes.
**best costumes: Nil's Alice, MS' Queen of Hearts and Justin's Redneck Crazy Christer.

Thursday Morning DVD Review: Jesus Camp

the 1st time i heard about this documentary was when it was nominated for an Oscar, a couple of years ago and i'll admit, i was intrigued. i find Crazy Christers funny/sad in the same way i cringe while watching reruns of He-Haw and Jerry Springer; why would you want to put yourself out there and show the world your backwoods ignorance? i dunno . Anyway, for some reason, NetFlix recommended it the other day and so i added it to our queue.

i can honestly say i've not been so moved by a documentary since the Laramie Project, which (though, i guess not technically a documentary) left me feeling sad and angry. Jesus Camp, though, left me feeling profoundly disturbed. seeing kids, as young as five, screaming and wailing for Jesus to overturn Roe vs Wade, speaking "in tongues", and denouncing their "lack of faith" is just scary; listening to doe-eyed little girls proselytize*, denounce dancing as "sinful", talk about "hearing god" and their "gift of prophecy" was almost as frightening as those kids in the Grudge, the Shining, & the Ring.

growing up Roman Catholic, faith was something i kinda took for granted: you believe in God. everybody believes in god. he's everywhere (like the CIA), so don't piss him off or you go to hell (which is like Florida, but without air conditioning or Disney World); all kids go to heaven, because they're kids and how much sinning could they possibly do (before puberty kicks in). the devil existed only in cartoons where he sat on Donald Duck's shoulder, wearing red pajamas and carrying a pitchfork; he wasn't disguised as Harry Potter (not that we had Harry Potter, in those days, but you get the idea).

it's apparent that the Evangelical Christians view the US as the current battleground of a holy war; us versus them, the damned versus the saved, and they're enlisting early; out of the womb and into the pews. if this movie is any indication, the next wave of the Faithful are being spoon fed doctrine and politics with side orders of shame and hate and seasoned with a heavy dose of anger and fear. i recommend this movie, if for no other reason than to have a peak at the next generation of GW Bush's, Pat Robertson's and Ann Coulter's and the subculture in which they're being reared (which is filled with Bizarro world versions of Sesame Street where the evils of the evolutionary theory are preached against and Metallica sings about lovin' the lord, and ordinarily product placment t-shirts proclaim Jesus as the King).

the best thing about it is that i'm sure the Evangelicals and Right Wing Crazy Christers view it as a love letter; an honest portrayal of their movement which is fueled by manifest destiny and armed with the word of the almighty. i can imagine them watching it and thinking how fantastic it is to watch the next generation being shaped in their own image, before unleashing them on a world that's rotting and pustulating with sin and corruption. they find it as moving as the Left finds the warping and twisting of kids disturbing and unsettling...

*don't think, for a minute, that the irony of the Crazy Christers going out on "recruitment drives" is lost on this faggot.

To All Both Any of My Crazy Christer Readers

Kick Yer Ash

yup today's the day that at least some of the crazy christers make themselves visible to the rest of us.

it also means 40 days of Marshmallow Peeps...

(Broke)back from the Dead

as if i needed another reason to hate this movie. now all the right-wing nuts are going wiggy, thinking it's all about the "gay agenda". jeez, if we had an agenda, i hope it would include better propaganda, like Trick or Dorian Blues. hell, Jeffery or To Wong Foo were better than Brokeback. Lord knows Wesely Snipes makes a better drag queen than Heath Ledger(sp?) makes a fag. there are a ton of movies better than Brokeback for wooing the youth of America (in no particular order, except for how they popped into my brain):

1. Better Than Chocolate
2. Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss
3. Rent
4. Torch Song Trilogy
5. Love! Valour! Compassion!
6. Object of My Offection
7. Borstal Boy
8. the Broken Hearts Club
9. Angels in America
10. Kissing Jessica Stein
11. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
12. the Birdcage
13. But I'm a Cheerleader
14. Another Gay Movie
15. the Wedding Banquet
16. the Celluloid Closet
17. And the Band Played On
18. Trans-America
19. the Tales of the City mini-series
20. Soldier's Girl
21. Kiss Me Guido
22. Victor/Victoria
23. Fried Green Tomatoes
24. the Laramie Project
25. Six Degrees of Seperation
26. Touch of Pink
27. Bedroom and Hallways
28. Saved!

really, though. if you're gonna corrupt a bunch of minors, at least use quality materials.

I Really Hope He Suffered 1st (is that wrong?)

Ding-Dong Jerry Falwell is Dead

Further Evidence of Good Ole' Christian Values Pt.2

this is the kind of thing that really makes my ass twitch (and not in a good way).
goddman right wing shit heads. i guess fags and dykes don't make families.

do yourself and those you love a favor and cast your vote.

actually don't bother. apparently, the survey is rigged.

"Its obvious you hate me/Though Ive done nothing wrong/Ive never even met you/So what could I have done/I cant understand/What makes a man/Hate another man"~ People Are People (Depeche Mode)

On "the Children"

i'm never having kids. if i'm lucky, someday in the distant future, i'll get a dog. (for now) nobody cares if we own a dog. nobody has mentioned how having two daddies or mommies affect Yorkies. hell, even single people are allowed to own pets without too much drama. unless they pass a law bringing back child labor or slavery, i'll never have a child.

reason # 1 is that i'm not a fan of kids. a couple of them are cool (Squirt, for instance), but on the whole i think most of them are assholes. the majority of kids are not very bright, and tend to be loud, mean, high strung and incredibly disrespectful (yes, i lump "teenagers" into the same category as 6 year olds). i know it's their parent's fault, but still i'd rather have a Yorkie or a Schnauzer.

reason #2: it seems that the quickest way to get into someones wallet or heart is to flash the face of a kid next to your message. From AIDS charities to White Supremacists, at one point or another every group has pimped "the children" for their cause. it should come as no surprise that when i hear people making plaintive cries on behalf of "the children", i wanna smack someone.

high on the list of those i'd like to Zsa-Zsa are those who toss "the kids" around when speaking of the evils of Gay Marriage. in addition to destroying civilization as we know it, letting us get married will hurt...you guessed it..."the children". apparently if we're allowed to marry, amidst the worldwide Apocalypse, kids will actually have the nerve to dream of growing up and marrying whomever they want and possibly turn out to be more tolerant (and therefore evil/liberal) adults. closer to the present, they'd also be scarred by seeing all those nasty fags and dykes engage in the same mundane gentrification as their parents. also, let's not forget how terrible it would be for all those kids who already have two moms or dad; Cher only knows what emotional damage would be caused if their parents were allowed to tie the knot.

reason # 3 is that i have alot of resentment towards children. in this country, i think we give kids(and parents) too much power. children decide what's acceptable on television, in the movies, on the radio, and in print. it's their "impressionable minds" that cause art exhibits to be labeled "unsuitable" and close "adult book stores". bad parents have the ability to turn a perfectly nice restaurant into a loud, unruly and terribly uncomfortable experience by allowing their children to behave like the monsters they are. how many airplane flights, elevator trips or bus rides were made hours longer by a screaming child? ever have a co-worker bring their child to work? how much work did you really get done?

is it any wonder why i dislike kids so much? who knew that even before they could vote that the little fuckers could hold so much power over society?

"The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame"~ Oscar Wilde

Imagine Finding This in Your Easter Basket

I'll bet the Crazy Christer's are just pissed 'cuz the artist used dark chocolate instead of white. Incidentally, what part would you eat 1st...certainly not the ears..?

Further Evidence of Good Ole' Christian Values

gotta love those Crazy Christers. ironic, isn't it, that they're so anti-abortion.

so, yeah, this really got me thinking: if i could change being gay, would i?

would i give up all the fear and anxiety i felt throughout my early childhood and adolescence?
would i give up all the years i spent worrying that the church i spent so many years in was right; that i was unwholesome, different, unnatural and bad?
would i give up finding out who my real friends were?
would i give up all the anonymous sex and hook-ups i had in my late teens and early twenties?
would i give up having my heart broken by "straight guys" who were just "fooling around"?
would i give up the nervousness i feel when i walk down the street holding my boyfriend's hand; the anticipation of being taunted or worse?
would i give back all those years i spent, my stomach in knots, hoping and praying to whomever-was-listening that my father wouldn't disown me when i told him?
would i give up the utter and complete sense of relief and happiness i felt when he didn't; when he hugged me, told me he loved me and that he only wants my happiness?
would i give up being in love with the only person in the entire universe i could ever be with; my soulmate, lover, friend and protector?

not on your bible-bible beating, hypocritical, dead-eyed, fanatical life.

i'm angry. i'm so fucking angry and upset that i almost can't put it into words; frustrated to the point that i'm fighting back tears, with my teeth gnashing and all my muscles tensed, and the more i think about it, the angrier i get. here we are, 20+ years after the American Psychiatric Association removes homosexuality from it's list of mental illnesses and the people who hang their hopes on book still consider us "sick". when's it gonna end and what the fuck am i gonna do about it?

"My only regret about being gay is that I repressed it for so long. I surrendered my youth to the people I feared when I could have been out there loving someone. Don’t make that mistake yourself. Life’s too damn short"~Armistead Maupin

What Christmas Means to Me

looking around, and listening to the radio, i've noticed a disturbing trend; certain groups have begun to draw our attention away from the true meaning of Christmas. . we've lost sight of what it is we're celebrating, year after year. false icons are being pushed into the spotlight, completely upstaging what should be the true focal point: brash commercialism, greed, and Santa Claus.

i find it terribly disturbing, that there is all this focus on the “religious” aspect of Christmas. It’s the 21st century people, let’s move away from virgin births, swaddling clothes and the drama of “no late check-ins” (you’d think a couple with a direct line to the big Concierge in the Sky would know about reservations; especially during Census Season). It’s a tired, old story shoved down our throats by the religious Right/Crazy Christers that would be believable only if Cher played the Virgin in the TV movie version (couldn’t you just see it? Lorenzo Lamas could play Joseph).

Speaking of TV, that’s what Christmas should be all about: TV Specials featuring A-list stars in big glitzy musical numbers and Bob Mackie-esque costumes. I’m seeing Bette, Barbra and Dolly, in matching sequins pant-suits singing “the 12 Days of Christmas”. I’m seeing Mariah and Whitney belting out Winter Wonderland. I’m seeing Anna Nicole slurring through “Hard Candy Christmas”, and Rufus Wainwright, Lance Bass, Elton John and the Scissor Sisters teaming up for a big “Santa Baby” extravaganza. Are you gagging? I thought so. You know it would be fabulous.

In addition to the sheer entertainment value of Christmas, I really think we need to get back focusing on the commercialization of the holiday. It’s all about sales, greed and pumping up our terribly flaccid economy. From Black Friday to December 26th, should be a frenzy of spending spending spending. There should be a federal grant offered to help pay for extravagant gifts, or at least some sort of nationwide contest (sponsered by the conglomerated retailers we all frequent) where we honor He/She Who Spendeth the Most.

It’s really all about the children, though. We need to let the young ‘uns know, early on, that if Santa (the true important figure at Christmastime, next to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer) doesn’t bring the a lot of gifts then that means he doesn’t love you. This is a valuable lesson that they’ll carry with them through to adulthood and subsequently pass on to their children: quantity of gifts = quantifiable love (it's similar to the lesson i learned from my mother: quantity of food = quantifiable love). It’s also a lesson that they’ll carry in their hearts throughout the year, and not just at Christmas time.

And at the end of the day, isn’t that what this great holiday all about? Carrying around that “Christmas feeling” throughout the year?

"Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously"~ Bill Watterson

Lick 'er In the Front, Poke 'Er in the Rear

when i got home from the salt mine yesterday, Stephen was waiting for me on the new patio/porch/lanai/what-have-you making dinner (burgers and dogs on our 1st BBQ!). he ushered me outside and told me to sit down. so i did. then he starts whispering that we've been invited to our neighbor's house on Friday night: to play poker.
i was shocked on about 10 different levels. here is but 3 of them...

1. neither of us know anything about poker. stephen actually hates to play any card games. he grudgingly sits through games with Chris and John every so often, but it's as obvious as his beautiful blue/green/hazel eyes that he'd rather be dusting the blinds or something. Me? i am terrible at most card games because 95% of the time i can't remember the rules (ie. which hand beats which, basic rules of play, etc). i'm the guy that takes 10 minutes to decide which card to "throw out". the only game i'm good at is Uno. i love me some Uno action.

2. the neighbors whose house we're going to have, till now, seemed cold and distant at best. we've been living there for two years and conversation has never progressed beyond "Hi" and "Bye". once, like six months ago, Stephen knocked on their door to borrow an egg (to make muffins) and on Sunday the, 8 month pregnant, Mrs. came over to borrow a drill. the latter represents the longest i've ever stood in her presence. i'm just curious as to Why Now?

3. straight people make me nervous. there, i've said it: i'm a hetero-phobe. don't get me wrong, some of my best friends are straight, hell my parents appear to be too. but the average straight couple confounds me. i don't know what to talk to them about (do they cook? listen to music? watch Desperate Housewives?). if i'm in a room (especially with Stephen) and we're...surrounded...by straight people, i wonder what they're thinking of us; are they going to gang up and beat us into a sticky pink pudding or try and proselytize (not that i think their Crazy Christers, but who can really tell these days)?

4. what the hell are we gonna bring?

These are a Few of My Favorite Rants

my 30th birthday is right around the corner. bearing that in mind, i give you...

10 things that really piss me off as i get older...

1. When people decide at the absolute, very, last minute to merge into a lane at the toll plaza of bridges and tunnels or when getting on the highway. this is also incredibly irritating when there is construction or an accident on a street or the highway.
2. people who get on escalators in the subway (ie. 34th street and 6th avenue) and STOP walking.
3. people who walk down the stairway that a herd of people are walking up (and vice versa) when there is clearly another set of steps where people are quite clearly walking down (again, this happens in the subway all the time).
4. women who feel they are entitled to have doors held open for them, but would never conceive of reciprocating. where i work you need an ID to get from section to section (the doors slam shut and lock behind you); 99% of the time, the women who work here will let the door slam, regardless of whether your hands are full or if your two steps behind.
5. holding the door for one person, only to find 30 more come pouring through, and not one says thank you. i'm very big on Please and Thank You.
6. being called Miss, Ma'am, Bro, Dude, Boss, Chief, Cuz or things other than my name. if you can't remember my name, ask.
7. Dave is the name of a plumber or some doofy straight guy on a bowling team. Davey is that claymation kid with the dog and woody for Jesus. neither one are substitutes for my name. if i introduce myself as David, goddamn it that's what i wanna be called. as for my last name, don't even bother.
8. Crazy Christers and asshole Right-wingers who hide behind the bullshit shield of "protecting the family" and "the children" when it comes to their Anti-Gay Marriage rhetoric. Fuck the children. Fuck the families. i have no desire to ever have children (except maybe as a legal form of slavery/indentured servitude) and what my husband and i do bed has nothing to do with the sexless hetero couple across the street (unless they're watching with binoculars, looking for pointers). if people can accept Carmen and Dave (See, not David) then clearly family values will not be threatened buy a couple of cha-cha queens sashaying or diesel dykes lumbering down the aisle.
9. reality television. it's not reality. it's not television. bring back quality TV.
10. the over use of the word "gay" as a pejorative. we need to start coining phrases using terms like "Straight" and "breeder" and "het" as negatives. if we all do it, it'll catch on.

“I don't like Bush. I don't trust him. I don't like his record. He's stupid. He's lazy.”~Cher

5 Random Thoughts on the Next Blog button

1. is my blog half as boring as most of the ones I read? God I hope not.
   
2. what is with all the Crazy Christer blogs? Every time I turn around I run smack into a blog written by some guy in a red state extolling the Big JC and his Holier than Thou entourage.
   
3. Foreign blogs: if I'm not hit with a Jesus Freak blog, I get a blog in either French, Spanish, Icelandic or German. There has to besome wayy to only get to the blogs in English, right? Not that i'm some crazed xenophobe, but while the pictures of Lars' adventure through downtown Dusseldorf or Raul's opinion about Brazil's World Cup loss are fascinating, I'd like to be able to read the captions (i'm an ignorant American who barely speaks English).
   
4. Blogs that are actually ads for stuff. I don't get it. They LOOK Like blogs, but are actually long winded ads for things like soap or used cars. i just don't get it.
   
5. Teenage girls. I absolutely loathe teenage girls. I'm sorry if ther's one reading this now, but it's true. Your blogs tend to suck like Ryan Idol in the 90's. it's the cutesy, Hello Kitty meets Sailor Moon Anime crap I object to. They make me gag.

"Water is just coffee that hasn't realized its potential"~CawfeeBoy

Sissies and Trannies and Lezzies, Oh My (or We're Here! We're Queer! We're All Alone!)

Picture it: Staten Island. June 3rd 2006. it's rainy and bordering on chilly that morning when a small gaggle of local Homo-folks get together for the 2nd annual SI LBGT Pride Parade. how small? VERY small. let's just say Stephen and i have had more people in our living room than were walking in this parade. ok, maybe that's a slight exageration: there was a marching band of about 20 people (men, women and some that were literally in-between. ie this fabulous Tranny with a Drum) and then about 60 marchers (of varying ages, genders and preferences). it was small, but festive. i kept waiting for the band to play Don't Rain On My Parade, but it never came (which might've explained the storm that raged at the very end). we made our way down the boardwalk on South Beach, our homo-heads held high; chins held up with determination, waiting to brave any jeers and accept support from the spectators that would line the boardwalk.
too bad there were no spectators. Apparently anyone who actually cared, was IN the parade. everyone else was home, in bed, probably thinking "god those crazy gays would never go out in THIS, their taffetta and leather will be ruined". there was some small opposition, of course. the Crazy Christers (thank you Michael Thomas Ford), were out in full effect, holding signs and handing out (to the marchers) pamphlets prosteltizing Jesus' love for all (non-practicing) Homos. in response, the six lesbians that made up the "parade staff" ran defense and cheered and hooted love and praise in FRONT of the plaquard weilding Jesus-freaks, until that bit of the parade passed and then they'd run forward again in front of the next batch of Chest Beaters. One man behind me just shouted out to the Bible Thumpers, "Chill out! Jesus LOVES a parade"! i dunno if he does or not but by the time we made it to the end (1 mile and 30 minutes later), the heavens opened up and down came the rain. this was mine and stephen's cue to leave our bretheren (have you ever smelled a wet bull-dagger? think wet sheep-dog, cedar chips, beer and tuna). we left the "festival" and went to go book the hall for our reception.

but where were all the homos? a friend of mine did a search on My Space for Gay Staten Islanders and came up with a WHOPPING360 people. There was barely a quarter of that number showing their pride! where hairy hell was everybody?

"If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag" ~Author Unknown