Regrets, I've Had a Few Pt.1: Hat Head

i have a friend who wears a baseball cap all the time. 365 days a year, inside the house and out. i can count on 1 hand the number of times i've seen him without a hat (despite having lived with him for almost a year). stephen has never see him without one. in fact, we're thinking of asking him wear a top hat for the wedding. knowing him, he'd jump at the chance. hats are his thing. to see him without one would be strange and disconcerting. it would be like seeing me without my cute little nose. hat's are that much a part of my friend's over-all "look".

i, on the other hand, cannot wear hats. not because i don't like them (i do) or because they make my head hot (they don't). the reason i do not wear hats is that i do not have a "hat head".

no matter what kind of hat i put on, be it baseball cap, winter woolie pull-over, fedora, fez, beret or pith helmet, i look like an absolute moron. my ears stick out and my entire head looks large and oddly St. Bernard-like. it's a phenomenon i've always been subject to, and one that irks me to no end.

i like hats. i'd love to be able to throw on a baseball cap and run to the store or the mailbox, instead of worrying how (what's left of) my hair is sticking up like Alfalfa. during harsh weather (winter's cold, spring's rain, summer's blazing sun, fall's leaves) it would be really swell to be able to cover my head and not look like a complete tool.

alas i fear i am doomed to wander the earth with a cold, wet, sun-burned, leaf covered and balding head. i wonder if i could pull off a cheap toupee...

"Oh, piss on your hat"~ a League of Their Own (Geena Davis )