Work Me Goddammit II

i've been a bit lax in my posting, but please forgive me; Merlin is out of the office this week, which means yours truly is left to pick up the brunt of his slack. it's weird because the things he does (which are very few, since most of his stuff was taken away because he couldn't handle it)are split between me and Dumb-Dumb, and they take us 20 minutes to do (but then there are our own job responisbilties which also must get done, in tandem). how he spends 9 hours a day, 5 days a week frantically doing what he does is beyond me. it makes me wanna slap him and shout "It's Not That Serious", even more.

in other news, expect very few and very light posts next week as i'm training for a new job. i'll be working more closely under Cunty in her section (she's the manager of 2 sections in the same department; it's all very Finance, "that's not my area"). the last few weeks i've been training the Very Sweet but Dull and Spineless Supervisor, who was demoted, to do my job and he's been training his replacement, this fabulous girl from Cunty's section who I'm replacing. got it?

the upshots are new work, new responsiblities, new desk, and no more Merlin or Dumb Dumb! yes they'll be a few desks away but i won't need to deal with them directly! it's very exciting in a sad "Corporate America has broken my spirit and all i have to look forward to is learning something new and switching my seat" kinda way.

whatever. don't rain on my parade.

You Can't Make This Shit Up

in the interest of brevity, slight paraphrasing and time compression, has been added by the author.

Co-Worker #1: what's the weather like in Arkansas?
Co-Worker #2: i dunno. ask CawfeeGuy, he knows pointlesss facts like that...
CawfeeGuy (after Googling): well the average temperature is 93 in July, 50 iin January, etc.
CW#1: that's not too bad.
CG: i'd imagine it's pretty humid though, so close to the Mississippi River and being in the south and all.
Recently Demoted Supervisor: New Orleans is gross, hot and sticky; it's disgusting.
CG: that's Louisiana, we're talking Arkansas.
Merlin: CG, you're moving to Arkansas?
CG: yes, Merlin; 'cuz there's no better place in America for two gay guys and their Yorkie than south of the Mason-Dixon line. Maybe we can start our own parade!

Yes, I'm Back

but i'm swamped. sorry.
real fast:

• Rufus is fine; sleepy, but fine. He wound up being "fixed", getting his rabies shot, having his remaining baby teeth pulled and extraneous hair plucked from inside his ears. since 3pm yesterday, he's been sleeping; waking up only long enough to sip some water and moan (he does "pathetic" even better than he does "cute")
• all the stuff I had planned for yesterday was for naught…I fell into the black hole of Wii and climbed out only long enough to pick up the kid from the doctor and my husband from work. Between Mii making (Bjork, the Golden Girls, George Michael, Madonna)and Super Mario Galaxy I lost, like, 4 hours of my life.
• Merlin is out, so i'm juggling his desk and some of my own work

hopefully more later.

4 Days 15 Hours 37 Minutes

in the home stretch now; tomorrow's my last day of work.
the washing machine broke yesterday.
i spent the entire weekend dusting and vacuming; my sinuses and eyes are on fire.
stephen has a horrible cold and is almost intolerable when he's sick. between him and the fungus, here at work (that's Merlin, who coughs and sneezes all over the place), i'll be lucky if i don't wind up sick.
there's going to be a window of 3 hours in between the pictures and cocktail hour that needs to be filled. what are we going to do with 20 people in formal wear?
i'm deffinitely not in the best frame of mind to deal, right now.
i'm nervous and anxious and happy and exhausted.
i think this will be my last post for the week (but probably not).

the Big Three-One

yup. it's my birthday again.
same time every year.
ho hum.

(and no, this isn't a shameful plug for good wishes)

i'm at work and i'd rather not be.
Merlin is out on vacation this week so i'm stuck doing his desk and my own. so i've got twice the work.

well i've wasted enough time...

(a little later)
i'm feeling a little, well, vulnerable right now.
see, i watched Rent on dvd last night and it always makes me cry and get all upset...
then i come in this morning and one of the girls gets a phone call which sends her into all kinds of hysterics; her sister tried to commit suicide. she left and probably won't be back this week.
yeah...definitely feeling a tad depressed.

(later still)
as if my day couldn't get worse; it happened again. **sigh**

(even later)
the day's looking up...my mom called with Squirt and Frangelica , John called, MS and Nil texted me from their vacation, Chris texted me, and a friend i haven't spoken to in years e-mailed me, all to wish me a happy birthday; coupled with the comments from earlier today, i'm feeling much better. plus, Stephen called to tell me he made reservations for us at Arirang (the hibachi steakhouse) and who could posibly be unhappy when sitting at a table that's really a grill with a chinese guy balancing knives and hurling onions through the air?

Frazzled, Party of 1 Pt 2 (DEFINITELY "TMI", so i won't blame you for skipping it)

overworked and overwhelmed. Merlin (remember him) is out sick (apparently the derision and malice that people are throwing his way for being such an incomparable fuck-up has given him stomach problems that sent him to the ER. my guess is it's an ulcer the size of a small dog) and i'm left doing his crap and my own.
the "lower GI" problem i'm having is not helping to brighten my mood (let's just say that the train has been delayed for the last 3 days and there's a possible "track fire").
if that is too broad an analogy for you, tough. if it's too much information, too bad.
i'm not a happy faggot right now.
not even the perfectly prepared fluffernutter i was able to bring from home lifted my spirits (though the bouquet of flowers i found waiting for me, when i got home last night, did make me a bit more perky).

"How Are You Feeling Today"?

yesterday i felt like there was some kind of doom on the horizon; like i was waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop. yesterday, i was tense, tired and hungry all day. Merlin was gnawing on my nerves like crabs on a hooker. i didn't want to be the "go-to" guy at work. i didn't want to handle the things that other people couldn't figure out, nor did i want to be at the whim of the higher-ups. i just wanted to punch my card and leave: "half the song, half the dance, and out" (Gypsy). i don't know why, i just felt socially claustrophobic. maybe i'm going crazy? maybe i'm PMS-ing? hey, it could happen; i'm surrounded by women, 5 days a week, 50 weeks a year. that's gotta do something, right? plus knowing i was going to miss the Hero's season finale, because of a Pampered Chef team meeting, didn't help my disposition, lemme tell you. add to that the weekend's non-stop pace and the fact the the mister and i have been fighting more than usual over the most trivial things (and some that aren't so trivial) and you have somebody desperate for a Calgon moment or some black tar heroin.

anyway, that was yesterday. today is a better day. the birds are chirping. Rufus and Tori are warbling. any tension between the hubby and i has seemingly dissolved. even the work gods are smiling...for now...

thanks for asking, MS. i love you.

Pardon Me

ok, so the albatross that is Merlin is off my neck. he's on his own and now i'm training with somebody.
it would be great, but i'm still getting all the calls and stuff for my old desk.

i'm gonna be really busy till i get acquainted with this new job, so posting will be intermittent.

bear with me.

the Further Adventures of Merlin

i hate him.

no matter how fucking likable he is...and he is extremely likable...i just wanna head-butt him and then kick him in the nuts. why?

1. he's trying way too hard to be my friend. i don't want a friend. i have alot of friends outside of work and quite a few at work. i don't need a half-wit from Nutley, NJ to be my friend. i'm here to teach you, not be your friend.

2. he's needy. he all but begs for my approval, like a cocker-spaniel. every time he does a report or looks at some paperwork, he asks if he's done a good job. i almost want to start tossing cookies at him. instead, i'm just withholding. his 1st day he said he was gonna buy me lunch for all the time i was taking to teach him. i told him it was appreciated, but not to...it's my job to teach him. he kept insisting till i blew up. the following week he bought me Season 6 of the Golden Girls. i gave him money 'cause i didn't want him to think that he was "buying me off".

3. he's not funny. he thinks he's funny, but he's not. he's sad and obtuse the way older straight guys tend to be. his jokes rarely make sense and i usually don't laugh (more withholding).

4. he'll fuck something up or reach a roadblock and then lie and say that i never taught him the right way, even though it's in the notes that he refuses to refer to. it's driving me nuts. what was the point of taking notes if you're not gonna read 'em? if that's not enough to make me wanna stab him in the neck with the fountain pen stephen gave me for my birthday, he keeps asking the same questions over and over and over and over.

i can't...i just can't deal. i'm really not cut out to train someone.

Waiting to Exhale

Stephen's grandfather passed away Wednesday afternoon; things have been a little crazy going back and forth to his grandmother's house and the funeral home. work is terribly busy, tutoring Merlin hasn't left time for anything but work. i haven't had much time to blog...or eat a decent meal...
the wake was yesterday and today.
the funeral is tomorrow.
we have a PC show in Pennsylvania tomorrow night.
my dad's birthday is on Sunday.

i'll be back on monday.

Know Thyself

i truly believe that everyone should be aware of their limitations:
if you're a size 24, perhaps the Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke inspired outfit is not for you. if your voice has been compared to the sound of alley cats mating, maybe you shouldn't audition for American Idol. if you look like Wilfred Brimley or Bob Hoskins, you probably won't make a convincing drag queen. if your level of patience rivals Madonna's acting ability a career in teaching might not suit you as well as you may think.

i am not a patient guy. maybe it stems from being part of the generation brought up with microwaves, instant coffee, and conflict resolution in half an hour (including comercials). maybe it's because i know my own limitations (both mental and physical) and rarely attempt to exceed them. whatever the reason i have little tolerance when it comes to other peoples limitations. where am i going with this?

i am a terrible teacher.

i have no patience to explain things to someone more than once. i have no tolerance for other people's learning styles. i almost can't bear to slow my pace for the sake of another's understanding. it boggles my mind that i can understand how to do something that somebody else can't.

granted, the person in question is new to the department, and (in fact) new to the company. try as i might, i find it nearly impossible to teach him our computer syste, our e-mail system, etc. these things are so elementary to me, that i can't believe that someone can't understand them. i've only shown him a few times, but in my mind he should be able to grasp it. it's terribly unfair, i know, but i can't help it.

i know my limitations.

When Worlds Collide

this is my life:
so about 2 weeks ago, i posted this on Gay Men Rule.
are you with me? ok, good...

for the last week, Merlin hasn't left my side. he is there when i get to work at 7:15, sits with me all through the day (even at my desk during lunch) and leaves with me at 5. again, i wanna say how sweet and friendly he is. he's also incredibly talkative. he talks continually, the entire time we're together. i don't know how he does it; i stopped listening about 3 days ago. my only saving grace is that i've got the girls at work, with whom i chit-chat throughout the day.

this week, however, Merlin and i are in New Jersey...together..."alone". i don't pal out with people from the other departments, and since there's nobody else there from our department (except for one anti-social supervisor), we're each other's sole source of social interaction. by 8am my well of patience had run dry. i just wanted to teach him and go home. i was hoping he'd stay in the cafeteria for lunch...no such luck. by 4, i'd not gotten up except to go to the printer, and i had to urinate like you wouldn't believe. so i told the supervisor i was running to the john and figured i'd hang out for a breather. alas, no sooner did i unzip my fly, than Merlin slides up to the urinal next to mine and starts talking as though we were in the middle of a conversation.

i wanted to die.

i had no idea how to be casual and conversational, with an overly loquacious co-worker, while palming my junk. i muttered some sort of assent or something and continued with the...matter at hand.

i ask you again...when did this behavior become normal?

TNG 2.0: Abracadabra

yup. i've got another guy to train to do my job. just like the last time, his training...his very presence...fills me with a certain sense of uneasiness and trepidation. call me paranoid, but my 1st thought is that i am training my replacement.

now, logically, i know this isn't the case. i'm good at my job and my managers/supervisors all know it. i'm efficient and accurate, punctual and have only called in sick once. i'm pretty sure my job is safe, but y'never know...

anyway, back to the NEW new guy who we'll call Merlin because...well...his side job is Stage Magician. i kid you not.

he's very sweet and, i'm starting to suspect, might be very mildly retarded. he worked at another brokerage firm before this one and did the same job i'm doing now...more or less...so that shows you exactly how much brains it takes. in the plus column, he's catching on a helluvalot quicker than the other New Guy i attempted to train (click on the label below for a full rundown), who sits two desks away from me; doing the job i was promised. i bear him i no malice though, as he sits right next to Cunty, and i'm pretty sure that if i was in his place i'd smash her fingers in a desk drawer. also, Merlin seems able to type with most of his fingers, though not all. that's already light years ahead of TNG.

my hope is that Merlin really grasps the ins and outs of my desk quickly. i really don't think that i have the strength to train a third person. also, if this one doesn't work out i think the bosses will start to question my ability to teach...