CawfeeGuy Liked a Thing (So He Put a Ring On It)

Happy 6 year, 2 Year and 1 year anniversaries, honey.

For Ryan Charisma

the "Long Awaited" (and Excruciatingly Long and Dull) "2nd Wedding" Post

As most of you know, stephen and i had a commitment ceremony last year. It was, without a doubt, the happiest day of my life, to declare my love for him, with john and jenn at my side, in front of our friends and family. Afterward, my heart was filled with immense joy and sense of completion. This was the man I waited my entire life to meet and spend the rest of my life with. The only downside was that the ceremony was largely symbolic. Yes, in our hearts and minds we were married, but in the eyes of the state and the nation, we were just another couple of gay guys going through the motions. Then, a few months later, NY state announced that “they” would now recognize any same sex marriage or civil union performed in any other state or country. We started considering heading back to San Francisco (where we had honeymooned a few months before,) or up to Canada to get everything “formalized”. The more we talked about it, over the next few months, the more Canada seemed like the best idea and so plans were made.

Fast forward to the weekend of October 11th.

John, Justin (both of whom agreed to be our legal witnesses), Stephen and I drove from Staten Island (and Budd Lake, NJ) up to Canada and spent one of the best long weekends I’ve ever had. The drive up was fantastically long, lending itself to periods of silence and storytelling and laughter. There is nothing like traveling with friends and we really couldn’t have found two better people to travel with. The more time i spend with Justin, the more i like him. his Sahara dry sense of humor and glib remarks are a fuckin hoot. he and john compliment each other like stephen and i; it's also great for stephen to have somebody to roll his eyes with while john and i engage ourselves in a 20 minute Steel Magnolias medley.

We arrived early on Friday afternoon, dropped John and Justin off at the hotel and made our way to the Toronto County Clerk’s office to get our license. The entire procedure took 15 minutes and nobody batted an eye. The clerk was amazingly solicitous and congratulatory, proving that our 1st experience with Canadians proved to be the lasting impression I’ll take with me forever: friendly, open minded, warm and kind. We returned to the room, and had lunch at Tony Roma’s next door with J & J. There we met the 2nd friendliest person in Canada, our blonde and bubbly waitress who (with little prompting from John), directed us to “the best gay bar in town”: the Vous (formerly The Rendezvous).

Hours later, after some relaxation, some minor drama involving my “wedding clothes” which were still hanging in Staten Island, we headed to the Vous.

Let me say that having spent way too much time in NY and NJ gay bars, I was blown away by this one. Long story short, it was someone’s house turned into a bar and it was packed to the rafters. Whereas most gay bars are very…specific (Bear Bars, Twink Bars, Leather Bars, Lezzie Bars, etc), this one was the bar and was filled with all walks of gay life. We found out later that it was the only gay bar in a 100 mile or meter (whatever) radius, so naturally the place was hopping. The music was awful, the people were strange and the drinks were terrible, but somehow we had a great time. Everybody was so happy and friendly and infectiously excited to be there. it would’ve been impossible not to have a good time.

The next day, we hit the Falls and did some shopping before the ceremony. The Falls were single handedly the most awe inspiring thing I’d ever seen. I’m used to big buildings and bridges and statues, but to see something created by nature, so immense and furious, was an amazing experience. The pictures here could never do it justice.

After the falls, Justin and Stephen went on a tour of the power plant (i'm sure by that point they'd had enough of club music and Soapdish), while john and I engaged in some truly quality relaxation/John & David time (read: we went to the hotel bar and talked about our significant others) and it was fabulous. Nothing makes me miss him more than spending time together, “like we used to”. Our boys joined us later and then we all retired back to the room to prepare and wait for the celebrant (this fabulously little chubby lesbian, whose teenage son waited outside our hotel, looking at the Falls).

This ceremony was markedly different from our 1st one: it was simple and straightforward, and short. While preparing for it and planning it with the woman who married us, I thought it was going to be a “wham-bam-thank you ma’am” affair and that I’d be completely cool throughout; I mean, hey, we’d done it once, right? Wrong. I was hit with and overcome by the same level of emotions and feelings that I had a year before when I recited the same vows I’d written. I cried. He cried. John cried. The celebrant cried. in a departure from lighting the “unity candle” again, we participated in a “sand ceremony”, symbolically uniting our lives…again…into an intricate and original pattern….you get the idea. Anyway, the ceremony lasted less than a half an hour, and afterward we went out for a fantastic steak dinner.

The next day we left Canada and had an equally fun, albeit incredibly long, drive home. Stopping off at the Anchor Bar, in Buffalo (the undisputed birthplace of the Buffalo Wing).
While our 1st ceremony left me feeling immensely happy and complete, the Canadian ceremony left me with an equally immense feeling of relief. i was relieved that in the eyes of NY state and our employers w were now LEGALLY married and now retained all the rights and privileges thereof.
Last week, when i 1st heard that prop h8 was passed, i felt sick to my stomach....i cannot imagine what all those californian couples must be feeling after having the legal rug ripped out from under them. i feel like all the fanfare and brightness surrounding the recent election are completely eclipsed by this travesty of justice and humanity. I’m also incredibly glad we chose Canada over San Francisco…
"I used to run/I used to hide from love/But now, I'm satisfied/'Cause you showed me/That love could be/So good, so real and oh so right/So many things I used to let get in my way/Now I open up my arms and say hey/Lovin You/It's all I wanna do/For the rest of my life/This feels so right I'm/Lovin You/It's all I wanna do/For the rest of my days/'Cause I like the way I'm/Lovin You"~ Lovin You (Kristine W

Can of Duh

things are fairly quiet around these parts. my diseased co-worker was off the last two days, leaving me little time to blog (not that i had tales to tell or anything). we're gearing up for our trip to canada, this weekend, which sounds like it's going to be boat loads of fun! i've never really did the "road trip" thing, and i can't think of a better couple of homos to do it with than Stephen, John and Justin. if ever there were three people i wouldn't mind being trapped in a car with for 8 hours, it's them (they?).

rufus is all excited about spending a couple of days with Tia Magenta and Chew-Chew, and had an appointment at the mobile puppy beauty parlor, yesterday. it was rumored he was getting a full-on "puppy cut" (ie. short n' sassy). but it turns out his other daddy chickened out at the last minute and opted for "just a trim". so now, gorgeous locks in tact, he's ready for a weekend of little sleep and psychotic amounts of exercise.

Everything's Coming Up Roses...For Now

dunno why i'm tempting fate by putting this "on paper", thereby making it real...but i'm feeling terribly content, bordering on blissfully oblivious, at the moment. all the planets seem to be in some sort of alignment right now, as evidenced by the close of two major fiascos (the dishwasher and the photographer), my body's apparent recollection of how to lose weight (182 lbs, baby!), our upcoming trip to canada, my more recent trip to get another tattoo (this sunday! the winner, incidentally, is number 3) and my new position at work.

then, there's the fact that almost all of my friends lives are going swimmingly, with new loves, new babies on the way, engagements, world tours, and domestic bliss. i haven't had one person complain to me (rationally), in weeks! i wanna exhale like whitney, right about now.

ok...let the smiting begin!

Take 2

What: roadtrip, baby!
When: October 10th-14th
Where: (Niagara Falls) Ontario, Canada
Who: Stephen, and John, Justin (and no they're not getting hitched, too...at least not that i've heard of) and I.
Why: Because we wanted to celebrate the anniversary of our 1st wedding with a legally recognized one...one year and 5 days later...

i'm not the only one with wedding related news. in fact, my news pales in comparisson to other people's. theirs is alot more exciting and noteworthy and comes with pictures. i won't link to their blog, though, till they actually post something. that would be cheating and i vow not to spill their beans...

Who Wants to Live In an Institution Pt. 2: Closer to Home (or 3 Months 29 Days Later)

who's up for a weekend roadtrip to Canada?

Fucked Pt 2: Regret

i dunno when i'm going to learn that stephen is (almost) always right (we're talking 98% of the time).
he was concerned about this over a month ago and i waved it away with my pollyanna "everything is fine...these things take time"/hearts and flowers bullshit.

i should've listened to him and gotten this ball rolling then.
maybe we'd have something to show for it.

i never do, though. i persist on giving people the benefit of the doubt and playing silver lining to his clouds, despite the number of times i'm wrong.

Fucked

the photography company is gone.
and no, not like Judy Garland and the Rat Pack mean gone.
actually gone.

after three weeks of leaving messages and sending e-mails we find out that they've cut all ties with the company that they were supposedly partnering with. after some frantic, impassioned pleading, the 2nd company was able to give me an address for them in Clifton, New Jersey. after a 2 hour drive (it should've only been 45 minutes, but predictably, we got lost), we showed up to a pretty-much-abandoned office building, with steel security doors and shutters.

after banging on the door, a terribly upset woman stuck her head out; she was the building's owner. apparently, the owner of the company fled in the middle of the night leaving her with over $10,000 in back rent. we told her of our $3000 dilemma and after frantic begging not to tell anyone, she let us into the office space to look for our photos. we had 15 minutes*.

they obviously left in a hurry; the office was a shambles. no computers or phones, but the desks were littered with piles of papers and expendable office supplies. huge industrial shelving lined the walls, floor to ceiling, each one with about 100-150 boxes of people's photos. names and wedding dates were on sides. there were three other couples looking for their photos; one bride was crying. half an hour we left, empty handed, but with a promise from the building owner that she'd call us if she came across our names. i guess i trust her.

I did my freaking out in the car…then when we got home, we called the Better Business Bureau; the Clifton-n PD (who told us to call the NYPD and the NYC Board of Consumer Affairs). we're going to try and piece together an album from the magnificent pictures we've already gotten from Brian, and i may even try to rig a thank you card using one. i dunno.

later today i'm going e-mail as many of our friends/family and ask them to send us whatever pics they happen to have...

*it's illegal/unlawful for the building's owners to let anyone in and take anything. in the interest of maintaining their anonymity (lord knows i don't wanna get them in trouble) i've deleted all mention of the name of the photographer studio from my blog.

Strike a Pose Pt. 4: Nervous

we were married 13 weeks ago, this saturday.
we were told that we'd receive our proofs in 4-8 weeks.
about 4 weeks ago we received an e-mail letting us know that our photography studio merged with another company and that they were going through a transitional period; we should expect to receive our proofs, either in the mail or via internet link, within 2 weeks.
i've held stephen off from calling and screaming ("it's the holidays, honey...", "they're going through a transition; it's gonna take some time", etc.).
i've now called them 4 times and left four messages; each displaying less patience than the last.
additionally i've sent them three e-mails with mounting levels of urgency.

i've still not heard a word from them.

Final Thought...

have fun...be careful...party your ass off...

with love,

David, Stephen and Rufus

the Homo-Mooners

It's been 1 month and Stephen still hasn't smothered me in my sleep or changed the locks before i got home from work.

the honeymoon continues...

Ho Hum

Rufus is taking alot out of me, though i've not been home nearly as much as Stephen, taking care of him.up at 5 to walk him, in bed at 10:30 or 11 after his last walk; working double time in between.

i'm tired and a bit restless. i can't seem to motivate myself to continue with the post about the wedding. suffice to say, we had a wonderful time and i'm glad it's over; alot of stress.

the honeymoon was most welcome and to reiterate, Stephen and i both see ourselves living in SF in the future. this is the 1st long-term goal (as opposed to long-term dream) i've ever made. i mean really, though...sunny, breezy and 65 degrees all the time? a gay ghetto without attitude? what more could a guy want?

in lieu of writing anything more, here are some of the pics i have from the honeymoon; they're from my cell phone, so don't expect anything too fabulous...



i'll post s'more from our home PC, later tonight...during Heroes.

At Long Last: the Wedding Post

here's the post some of you have been waiting for (if not, skip it...jerk).

1st off, lemme, say that i am so glad that i took off wednesday through friday before the wedding. there was so much going on, between the last minute cleaning, packing and preening, that there was no way i would've been able to work with a clear head. the fact that the washing machine died the previous sunday definitely didn't help to make the week less stressful. the three days flew and i barely slept Friday night.

Saturday was beyond beautiful; we couldn't have asked for better weather or better friends to help with the last minute details (thanks again to Bri-the-Pie-Guy for being our mobile point man). i won't bore you with all the minutiae of pre-ceremony Saturday. the Campbell's Soup version:

1. the limo drivers were replacements who had no idea they were hired for a gay wedding ("where's the bride"?) or the afternoon's itinerary ("we're going where? i'm from the Bronx...you'll have do give me directions").

2. the guys (John and John) looked fantastic; both were made to wear tuxes and their gift from us (matching garnet rings) looked splendid. (my) John rarely dresses up in formal wear and almost never removes his hat; he should do both more often, as he is beguiling when dressed.

3. the girls took my breath away; MS's jewelry only added more sparkle and glamour to two already wonderful gems. Jennifer is a beautiful woman who was truly stunning for our wedding. her hair, her makeup, her dress were flawless. her husband is a very lucky man.

4. the photographer was my favorite part of the entire day. of all the people we had hired, he was the most professional and a true joy to work with. he corralled and posed our families, suffering lame jokes, dead flash batteries and (worst of all) our siblings' children with equanimity and professionalism. he was with us from 3 to 11 and stopped snapping pictures only during the drive to the park then at the hall to down a quick dinner while everyone else was eating. he earned every penny of both his salary(?) and his tip. i can't tell you how much i'm looking foward to going through the proofs to compile our album.

5. the hall was another story, all together. they didn't put out the place cards for the 3 family tables, set up a cake table, put out the favors (till 10 minutes after the guests started to leave...btw: if you didn't get a favor, lemme know). they didn't open the appetizer table till during dinner; the coffee was cold, and the service was lousy. the only thing they had in their favor was that the food was delicious (when it was served at the right temperature) and the ambiance was perfect for the ceremony.

next....Cocktail Hour and the Ceremony!

Wedding Pics

from a co-worker's camera...

the Aftermath Pt.2: No Excuses

totally swamped after my 2 week vacation...you'd think i was actually important here.


SF was beyond fabulous and as soon as we get our camera back from the hotel...funny story there...we'll get the pictures developed and i'll post what i can.


till then, here's all i got; one from the wedding and the other of Rufus in the car, on the way home, yesterday:

the Aftermath Pt 1

i realize that nobody was expecting this, but i have a second of downtime.

let me begin by saying that never in my life have i experienced the level of joy, relief, stress and love all in one singular 12 hour period. i'll get into the details of the day when i'm back in NYC, but suffice to say yesterday was, without a doubt, the single happiest day of my entire 31 years.

this really will be the only post this week. San Francisco has already grabbed hold of me. i'm smitten with this town.

one last thought, on a pointedly personal note:
MS...i can't tell you how much i love you and how happy i was that you were there...i'm welling up, just thinking of how stunning you looked. incedentally, after you left, the DJ was asking all about you...he described you as "enchanting".

i love you all (MS, Nil, Bri the Pie Guy, John, and Chris) more than i can say. i'm sure one of you will have a "review" and i can't wait to see your pictures.

ta ta till next week.

1 Day 5 Hours 47 Minutes

phone call #2...
her hairdresser's father had a heart attack; she won't trust anyone else to put the extensions in her hair.
*rubs temples*

2 Days 5 Hours 59 Minutes

picked up the tuxes.
stephen looks so good i almost cried

2 Days 7 Hours 48 Minutes

feeling decidedly chill.
just came from having my back waxed (i know what i promised. there's a hot tub. shut up) and my 1st professional manicure. i feel sufficently pampered, though i can't sit back on the couch...
last minute errands have been run.
all that's left is to pack and have our run-thru/read-thru/excuse to pen a bottle of champagne.
btw: thank you all for the wonderful good wishes and vibes...your comments and e-mails are totally making me schvitz less.