"I'll join this conversation on the proviso that we stop bitching about people, talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, penises, drugs, night clubs, and bloody Abba!"~ the Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (Terrence Stamp)

Monday, December 28, 2009

a New Leaf

totally inspired by Julie & Julia, which i finally saw this weekend, i'm making a solemn vow to blog daily. granted, my posts may be in the form of really quick notes or Facebook-esque haiku, but it's better than nothing, right? right. besides, with my iPhone, i can pretty much do anything, and i've got oodles of commuting time, so rather than simply reading other people's self-indulgent prattle, i'll use that time to throw my own out there.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

CawfeeGuy's Holiday Chestnuts

i couldn't let my last post be my last post, so here's something a tad more UP....

as you all may (or may not) know. i fucking love Christmas music. Love it. i start looking for new stuff around Halloween and start playing it (and nothing else) the day after Thanksgiving, until New Year's Day. here's the best of the new stuff i picked up this season (most of which is kinda old, but new to me):

1. Christmas Duel (the Hives and Cyndi Lauper): in truth, i bought this last year, just before new years, but i was so appalled by it that i only listened to it once. it has to be the worst "Christmas song" ever, and i would not want my mom to hear it. this year i realized that it's an absolutely awesome song, though (maybe i've become more jaded over the last year). Cyndi sounds amazing and the whole thing has a very Phil Spector kinda sound, gone horribly horribly wrong.

2. Jingle Bells (Barry Maniilow & Expose): yes, that Expose of the 80's. brilliant swinging "Bing-and-the-Andrews-Sisters" sound.

3. Zat You Santa Claus? (Buster Poindexter): c'mon...he's from Staten Island...how can you not love this cover of the old Louis Armstrong song? it's very Nightmare Before Christmas.

4. All I Want for Christmas is You (the 88): i had seen the 88 when they opened for the b52's this past summer and liked their California pop/rock sound; this single was free on iTunes and i thought "what the hell", thinking it was a cover of Mariah's All I Want for Christmas is You. it's not...but it's definitely worth picking up, as it's catchy and fun.

5. a Christmas Gift from Phil Spector (full album; Various Artists): this is one of the absolute best albums, ever. all the girl groups of the 5o's, that Phil Spector created, are together on this album with covers a crap load of Christmas favorites. Very retro-christmas that takes me back to my childhood and mom would blast the oldies station while we baked. Honestly, there are songs on here that i've always hated in the past (Marshmallow World and the Parade of the Wooden Soldiers) that are infinitely more tolerable because they're sung by the Ronettes.

6. Christmas Tree (Lady Gaga featuring Space Cowboy): thanks to MS for telling me about this song. it's silly and ridiculous and very Lady Gaga.

7. the Christmas of Your Life (full album; Helen Reddy): yup, Helen Reddy has a Christmas Album and it's really really good; cheesy, but good. it's really great "background music".

8. Joseph: Better You, Than Me (the Killers, Neil Tennant & Elton John): not terribly festive, but a really good song, nonetheless, and all about the vaguest person in the nativity.

9. the First Noel (David Archuleta): who the hell is this guy? i got this song and Joy to the World off a free iTunes Christmas sampler (along with a whole lot of middle-America, banjo strumming country nonsense) and it's really good; he's got a very sweet voice.

10. O Come All Ye Faithful/Adeste Fidelis (Amy Grant): i'll admit it, i own Amy's Heart In Motion cd, but ever since i heard she was a crazy Christer i've been kind of leary of her music. this was on the same sampler as #9, though, and i will grudgingly admit that's its really well done. if you can get it free, do it...otherwise i wouldn't spend a dime on her.

11. Christmas Cheer (full album; Connie Francis): absolutely, brilliantly, campy and kitchy and fabulous along the lines of the Doris Day and Ella Fitzgerald Christmas albums. it's faboulous (especially her version of the Twelve Days of Christmas where she sounds like she's from Brooklyn).

12. We Wish You a Merry Christmas (Weezer): really great pop/rock cover from a band i usually don't pay attention to.

13. Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow (Luscious Jackson): see #12

14. Great Big Sleigh (the Killers): my absolute favorite song this season.

15. Rockin Around the Christmas Tree (Miley Cyrus): i know, i know, i know; she's saccharine sweet and disgustingly over exposed, but still...it's a fun song.

i also greatly appreciate any suggestions for "new music"!

Merry, Happy, Jolly, Festive...Whatever, kids!

Monday, December 21, 2009

*Sigh*

things at work have been insane, so blogging has really fallen by the way side (in case you hadn't noticed). Hope everyone enjoys their holidays (or their anti-holidays, if that's your thing...i dont' judge).

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Sophia Petrillo: Sicily

special thanks to my best girl, Mrs. Bri-the-Pie-Guy, for posting this on Facebook!

Soup Dumplings, Pink Unicorns and That Guy from Buffy

what an amazing weekend it was! the brief re-cap:


  1. a couple of days after last weekend's visit, MS asked me to pick up a lovely pink unicorn she had seen in the toy aisle of our local Stop N Shop. it seems she'd found a good home for her. On Saturday, we braved the icy rain/sleet/snow, the SI Ferry and the NYC subway system to bring Frenchie (for that was the unicorn's name) to MS and Dug; but only after we had had some fun with her 1st.

  2. the drop off happened at our favorite NY Chinese restaurant, which is home to the world's best* soup dumplings. this was a double bonus: MS & Dug and soup dumplings.

  3. while waiting for our table, who happened to wander in with a mini-entourage, but Danny Strong (aka Jonathan Levinson from Buffy)! much debating ensued over whether or not to acknowledge the fact that we were in the company of a b-list celeb (with a-list geek-star street cred), 'til our table was ready. on the way to the table, CawfeeMate stopped and told Danny that we "loved his work". To his credit, Danny seemed genuinely happy to be noticed and thanked us.

dinner was great, as always, but we promised Dug that the next time we met up in the city we'd try a different restaurant (since this is the only one we meet at when we're together). luckily there's an app for that...


*in truth their's are the only soup dumplings i've ever had.

Monday, December 07, 2009

Diane Savino: Brooklyn

this is speech made me cry, it was so good. please watch the entire thing...

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Another Disgusting Day in Albany

i can't even begin to describe how diappointed i am about this.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

iCaved

lookee what i bought yesterday

Monday, November 30, 2009

Knit Wit

(the odds of this post actually being witty are pretty slim, as it's monday morning, but i was at a loss for an adequate title)


this weekend, MS and Dug dropped by for an afternoon of facetime...which turned into a weekend of facetime which was alot better than just an afternoon. while Dug and i played Lego Batman on the Wii, MS finished knitting a hat for a young lady (and sometimes model) she happens to know. totally inspired by how great the hat was coming out, i told her that i'd been thinking of learning to knit*, and (in true MS fashion) she jumped at the idea of teaching me.


the next morning, over pancakes and coffee, she sat me down on the couch and commenced the Basics of Knitting. She took it slowly and taught me to "cast on", the "knit stitch", "the purl stitch" and "casting off". in about an hour i had two small rectangles of knitted wool and the ambition a belly full of ambition. half an hour later, i walked out of A.C, Moore, $20 lighter, but with my very own set of bamboo knitting needles and some lovely blue wool/acrylic yarn. Visions of scarves, hats, sweaters and gloves for my friends and family filled my head! We returned to my house, kissed, hugged and parted ways. the huz and i then went to the supermarket for the weekly shopping. an hour or two later, i finally sat down to turn out my 1st scarf, in a lovely shade of blue.


i sat there staring at the needles and yarn for, like, 20 minutes. i'd completely forgotten how to cast on. eventually it clicked, and i was golden. for 30 seconds.

I couldn't figure out how to make the 1st knit stitch. rather than stare blankly for another twenty minutes, I went online and found a YouTube tutorial "the knit stitch". that was fine, for an hour, until I wound up with an extra stitch and couldn't figure out how or why or how to undo what I'd been doing without unraveling everything. this time i sat, dumbly, for only ten minutes before realizing that i had no idea how to "unknit" something. the scarf was unraveled. hit Ctrl+Alt+delete and start over.

the entire process lasted several hours; the remainder of the afternoon, into the late evening: knitting, screwing up, do-over. i was fine. i was a beginner and destined to fuck up, right? right. everything felt like it was going well. i'd gotten about 30 rows down (maybe a 4" square) without the phantom stitch appearing. all my stitches looked straight! it was pretty! so I figured I'd attempt to purl. big mistake.
an hour later, while watching Desperate Housewives, all i had to show for my day's worth of knitting was one row of stitches. all the work i'd spent knitting was completely undone by my vain and hubristic efforts at purling.

defeated, I put the needles and yarn down and had some hummus and chips. i know i'll tame the yarn, but not in one night.

*CawfeeMate and i have been catching up on old episodes of Grey's Anatomy and i was intrigued that crazy, cancer riddled Izzie could crank out a scarf for Dr. Bailey in one day. how hard could it be?

Friday, November 27, 2009

Bleeech Friday

this is the 1st Black Friday i've worked in about 6 years and, lemme tell you: never again.

my tradition of taking off, the day after Thanksgiving, dates back to my days in retail. See, for those of you who don't know, i was a retail whore for close to ten years. The Staten Island Mall was my stomping ground, and i worked the corner of a Ma & Pop suit store (where i spent nearly 9 years) and Sam Goody, throughout college and beyond. looking back with the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia, smeared with the vaseline of being a corporate/finance drone, i can honestly say that those were good days; the hours were great, the pay was good (well above minimum wage) and i liked the people. Black Friday was the high holy day of retail, which meant a guaranteed open-to-close work day for senior staffers and commission on the sales you made (or those "given" to you by the cashiers). Black Friday set the tone for entire Christmas Season, and its psychotically frenzied atmosphere was a harbinger of the crazy days which lasted till New Year's Eve. it was not at all uncommon for the hours to fly by like minutes, leaving you hungry and thirsty because you'd skipped both breakfast and lunch. it was glorious.

the meaning of Black Friday changed, post-retail. sure i'd haul out the Christmas CD's and start writing out cards, but it also meant i didn't have to work, to make money. joining corporate america meant "paid vacation days" and what better way to use one than to give oneself a 4 day weekend following a bi-annual schlepp to Long Island*? after our 1st Thanksgiving spent on Long Island, i realized that getting home close to midnight and having to get up for work the next day was about as palatable as CawfeeMate's WASP aunt's cooking. There began the tradition of taking off on Black Friday.

Black Friday now took on a new meaning: post-Thanksgiving clean up and Christmas decorating! it was a glorious tradition which went wonderfully smooth, until this year. just like all the previous years, i put my vacation request in on January 2nd and didn't give it a 2nd thought. That is, until K---y, my dimwitted co-worker, came to me in September to let me know she'd be off this week. When i asked her how that was possible, she shrugged and told me that Cunty had granted signed off on her request that day. Apparently, Cunty never put me in for the day; livid does not even begin to explain how i felt.

so, here i am, at work on Black Friday wishing i wasn't. Everybody else in the world seems to be off, but i'm here at my desk (despite the numerous commuting hurdles i had to jump this morning, which got me here half an hour late). it could be worse, though. my office could've had a Door Buster.


*When the huz and i had 1st met, we realized that the holidays would be dicey. Both coming from Italian-American backgrounds, the holidays are a big deal to our mothers; in the interest of fairness, equinimity and to minimize agita, we decided to alternate the holidays: Thanksgiving at Casa Del CawfeeGuyMom, Christmas Eve at Chateau CawfeeMateMom, Christmas Day at Casa Del CawfeeGuyMom, Easter at Chateau CawfeeMateMom; the following year we'd switch (despite my mom swearing we spent all the holidays with my in-laws). on the years we'd spend Thanksgiving with the CawfeeMate family, we'd drive out to Long Island which meant leaving early in the morning and getting home late at night (the drive between LI and SI is nothing but bumper to bumber traffic).

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Top 10 Things I'm Thankful For This Year

1. friends: they're really, honestly, truly like my family and despite the fact that we're all pretty scattered around the country (New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, San Francisco, Florida and Maryland) it's love that makes the distance seem less significant. we may not talk or e-mail or see each other every day, but when we do, it's like we just spoke yesterday. i hope they know that i'd take a bullet for any of them.

2. CawfeeMate: there's nobody, in all the world, who understands me like he does and suffers through my anxieties, tantrums, doldrums and idiocy; i'm so incredibly lucky to have him in my life. there's also nobody, in the world, that i love more than i love him.

3. Rufus: if there's anything better than puppy kisses and the unconditional love that come with them, i don't know what it is...

4. my parents: i know i bitch about them...alot...they're crazy and strange and they make no sense sometimes; they're also incredibly loyal and supportive and loving.

5. Mallomars: what? don't hate.

6. this blog (and its readers): i know i write sporadically (blame the recession), but on the rare occasions i get to post something actually worthwhile (not a quiz or a link to fabulously quirky t-shirts), it feels good. it feels good to have voice "out there" and a soapbox to rant from; it's even nicer knowing that some people are actually listening...

7. blogger friends: just when i think my life is a sit-com, you guys (and girls...and girls who used to be guys...) make me feel totally mainstream and ordinary! seriously though, the blogs i read from all over the world, remind me that we're such a diverse and unique community. you're all brilliant and incredibly sensitive writers.

8. my job: i know i often say i hate it, but in this day and age, any job you can get up in the morning and go to is a good one; especially if you're in the finance industry. besides, i like most of the people i work with; they're good blog fodder.

9. my health: during a recent talk with the huz, it occurred to me that with the exception of that brain tumor a couple of years ago, i'm pretty healthy; i rarely get sick (**knock on wood**) and since i've been exercising and eating better, i feel pretty damn good, much more often than not.

10. i'm queer: shocking, i know, but i really am thankful that i was born this way. aside from these reasons, i'm really so very thankful to be part of the gay community. we're so different, but united by similar experiences and lifestyles. i truly believe that we (ok, most of us) are the last guardians of wit, irony and gothic humor. i also believe that i'm lucky not to have to be saddled with kids (and relieved that they're truly an optional accessory that i am utterly repelled by). being gay in the US, means that we've got so many more options than at any other point in history; we're constantly re-defining our roles in our communities, cities and states. we can get married if we want to...in some parts of the country/world and we can define what those marriages mean. or we can choose not to get hitched. we have the option to be conventional or non-conventional; i think that's pretty damn wonderful and i'm incredibly thankful to be part of this community at this time in history.

happy thanksgiving, all. enjoy your friends and/or families.

"Thanksgiving isn't about blending of two cultures. It's about one culture wiping out another. And then they make animated specials about the part where, with the maize and the big, big belt buckles. They don't show you the next scene, where all the bison die and Squanto takes a musket ball in the stomach"~ Willow (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

If I'm Your Zaan, Would You Be My Jayna?



seriously though, it almost makes me wish i had a twin sister...or any sister, for that matter...

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Card Attack

last week I bought the annual CawfeeFamily Christmas cards. got 'em at Papyrus*; $45 for two boxes of christmas cards...crazy, i know...but i love 'em to bits. Sunday, while watching Angie Jolie in Changeling (4 star performance BTW), I sat down with my Superman address book and various random return labels from last year, and wrote out all 30. I was about 15 short. no biggie. tomorrow is another day, and i can still get them out by December 1st. So, last night, I go back to the card store** on the way home, drop another $40 on two different box o' cards*** (plus the little envelope seals, because I'm so over licking envelopes that aren't mint flavored) and hop the bus home. through shear providence, I wind up with a double seat all to myself, and after the last stop, the seat next to me was still empty (nobody likes to disturb the guy who reads while listening to an iPod), so I drop the shopping bag on the seat and settle into my book (Lamb, by Christopher Moore, my favorite writer...this week...get it today on Kindle). an hour later, I get off the bus, where CawfeeMate is waiting to drive me home, and head to La Casa Del Cawfee to puppy kisses and din-din.

it's not 'til I'm in the bathroom, taking my "welcome home whiz" that it occurs to me that I've left the shopping bag on the fucking bus.

30 minutes later I've called 311 who's transferred me to the MTA who's hung up on me; called back 311 who transferred me back to the MTA who told me that the dispatcher of the SI depot wasn't answering the phone and that I should call back in an hour. one hour (a bowl of macaroni with peas, and one episode of Grey's Anatomy) later, I'm back on the phone with the MTA trying to track down the number for the SI depot. finally I get someone who has my cards, but absolutely no predisposition for conversation. the guy tells me that I better come in tonight, because if I don't the bag will be sent to the 34th street depot to the Main Lost and Found, in the morning. in true "CawfeeGuy" fashion, I rush off the phone (totally preempting Heroes) without finding out how late the SI lost and found is open. we call on the way and the guy is like "dude we're here all night", all sarcastic and placating-like, so I tell him "oh ok! I'm on my way" and he's all "great" in the most deadpan straight guy voice I've ever heard. I was instantly embarrassed for being that gay guy all upset over his christmas cards.

we**** get to the depot, which is naturally in one of the worst neighborhoods on SI, and work our way around the garage area. the mechanics direct us upstairs to the lost and found which is just a little window in this big huge room with dozens of portable bulletin boards COVERED in papers. it totally brought me back to the days when I visited my dad at the police station house. maybe it was the "municipal building smell", maybe it was the puke green walls, but it was total déjà vu. anyway, after the guy teased me for a few minutes about keeping the cards and sending them out himself, he handed my bag over and wished us a happy holiday.

I could not believe that the cards made it back to me. I'm pleasantly shocked and surprised! the MTA is totally getting a christmas card, this year.

*the bus stop is directly outside of the Papyrus on 42nd and 9th. in fact, I seem to miss at least one bus, whenever I stop to get cards.
** of course I missed a bus while in the store
*** annoying fact: they're having a sale buy 3 get 1 free and without a receipt from last week's purchase I was SOL. the new cards were just as cute as the 1st batch, though, so i almost don't mind.
**** stephen came with me and I was really glad because, well, i was going to Scaryville, Staten Island and i don't own a bulletproof vest. also, he's much better at talking to straight men-city employees. I come off shrieky and shrill (if you can believe it). if you want to get something done over the phone or in a restaurant, preferably with an angry black or caribbean lady, I'm your girl. if it involves Joey Bag of Metrocards or NYP Dino, call CawfeeMate.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Test Day: My Personal DNA

this is an oldie but a goodie; thanks to Kevin's Rants for posting his (and thereby giving me something to pilfer).

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Taking a Stand While Sitting

thanks to Mark at My Journal of Random Things for posting this. it's good to see a kid with principles; his parents must be proud.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Thanks Dr Brian (You're Better, On a Monday Morning, Than My Caramel Latte`)