Love Me, Love My Neuroses

My Personality

Neuroticism	99
Extraversion	25
Openness To Experience	54
Agreeableness	14
Conscientiousness	11

You are introverted, reserved, and quiet with a preference for solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends. You can be easily upset, even by what people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional. A desire for tradition does not prevent you from trying new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual. People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising and you have less concern with others' needs than with your own. You like to live for the moment and do what feels good now. Your work tends to be careless and disorganized.

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Geek-O-Rama

other night, while watching Buffy or Smallville, after being home for a few hours, stephen jumps off the couch and says my favorite sentence, "Oooh honey, i have a surprise for you". so, like a good boyfriend, i close my eyes and wait for my surprise:

i almost fell off the couch, i was so happy. now, i'm not a stamp collector, but i do have a fascination for comic books and superheroes. when i heard that the post office was releasing these stamps i was pretty happy. when stephen gave me a whole sheet, i completely geeked out and thanked him a dozen times. it struck me in that instant that this was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. he was in the post office mailing invitations for a Pampered Chef show we're doing, saw them, thought of me, and bought them. he knew they'd make me happy, so he bought them. nobody i've ever dated ever thought of me when i wasn't there. i was so moved i almost cried. i'm planning on having them matted and framed because i thought they looked so cool. when i told him so, i asked him if he thought i was a geek for doing so. he said (without thinking), that Yes i am a geek but it's ok because he has a thing for geeks.

now, i know it's true: i am a geek. we've been there, we've done that. i just didn't like hearing it from the man i love. i'd like to think that he's so blinded by love for me that labels like geek or fat are completely eclipsed. i guess i'm just a little sensitive and terribly over optimistic that way. i'm not mad, upset or miffed. i'm totally over it (if, indeed, there was anything to be over), it was just a bit more reality than i needed after getting off the He Loves Me high, y'know?

Show Me the Honey

i'm not in the habit of "responding" to other people's blogs, but today i will make an exception. As some of you know, i check out all my friends' blogs throughout the day, rather than work. Today, John posted an entry on his blog (Cigarettes and White Castle which i highly recommend you check out) which really got me thinking about our shoddy customer service industry. You may want to read his post 1st, since the comment i left for him easily unraveled, in my mind, into this "Democratic Response":

as I’ve mentioned before, I used to be a retail queen. I worked for almost 15 years renting videos and selling suits, cd’s, and comic books. I know a thing or two about rude customers and customer service. I also know quite a bit about poor service, since I am a Verizon Wireless customer. Over the last 10 years I’ve had to change my cell number three times because my service “mysteriously” failed in my home and the only way the situation could be rectified was with a change of number; even after the changes I still get the most abysmal signal strength in my neighborhood or most anywhere else on Staten Island. Whenever I call Verizon I get the same song and dance about limited number of towers and that service isn’t guaranteed. I’ve also had the misfortune to have a number of tech problems with my phone itself. I dread going to the Verizon store because I know their techies could really care less. it's quite obvious just by the half open eyelids and monotone voices.
They can never explain why my battery has the lifespan of the average tsetse fly or why Cingular customers happily chat away at the King Kullen around the corner from my house yet I’m reduced to asking “can you hear me now” every two minutes. More often than not I’m told that it will take less than half an hour to fix my problem, but return to be told that it “will just be ten more minutes” three times. Did you do the math? That comes out to another half an hour (not counting the 45 minute wait to see a techie). I wouldn’t mind the wait-time or the fact that my service is horrible, or even that my bill is about $80 a month. What I mind is that I keep hearing commercials lauding their superior quality, and "reliability". it makes me angry.

is it any wonder why people tend to get ornery when they finally are presented with a representative of the company? Whether it’s bad cell service, poorly prepared diner food, or a mis-altered suit bad service is bad service. Since everything has become so expensive in the last couple of years, and since it’s become so difficult to get problems resolved, by the time you finally reach someone who should care, you’re just a little ticked off. The last thing you want to hear is somebody else either a) be completely blasé about your problem or b) condescend to you. it forces you to wonder about the amount of money and time you're wasting on sub-par services that are being supplied today. It’s enough to make a sane supermodel throw a cell phone.

Yes, I’m a former retail queen. Yes, I’ve been yelled at by customers. No, I didn’t like it and I rarely do it myself unless it’s completely unavoidable. I’ll agree that attitude is too easily thrown around (especially on Staten Island), but sometimes you just have to punch a wall. If that wall happens to be wearing a polo shirt with corporate logo, so-be-it. Perhaps if the service wasn’t so shoddy to begin with, people wouldn’t need to vent.

Stick it In Yer Ear

i'm on a new quest: i want a new MP3 Player. dont' get me wrong, i love my "old" one (stephen bought it for me the Christmas i started back to work, 2 years ago). it's just a little bit bigger than i want, and quite a bit heavier than it should be. it's like having a small brick or really heavy audio-cassette case in my pocket.
my problem is that i really don't know anything about electronics (i'd buy what's pretty), so i need your help.
please help me find an mp3 player with the following specs...

• less than 7oz
• smaller than 4"x3"
• plays WMA files
• at least 20GB
• at least 15 hours of play
• ability to create playlists
• looks cute
• costs considerably less than a new car

i don't need to view video, pictures, or even have a full color screen. i just wanna listen to my music and keep my hand in my jacket pocket at the same time. is that too much to ask for?

Know Fear

the other night at dinner i had a psychological breakthrough.
we were sitting at my parents' table over steaming bowls of mom's Penne Vodka when my dad began to tell a story about this guy that he works with: a 50-something year old biker. i'll spare you the long story (just this once) and tell you that this guy used to be part of a motorcycle club/gang that would drive around Brooklyn at all hours of the night back in the late 70's (when i was a wee baby of 2). according to my mom, every time i heard the sound of the tricked out motorcycles roaring down 84th street, i'd start screaming, crying and vomiting all over my crib and wouldn't calm down till they'd gone. apparently, this was the root of my fear/anxiety of loud noises: fireworks, motorcycles and Pillsbury dough in a can.
now if only i can figure out where my fear of clowns, bugs, and bridges come from...

"Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil."~Aristotle

Hump Day (indeed)

so, yesterday was an absolute horror show at work. i mean, when have any of you known me to miss posting during the week?
TNG is a complete mess. it takes him hours to do things that require the minimum of effort or concentration. by 4pm there was so much that had to be put off till today, that i told him to do busy work while i did damage control. afterward, i went into my supervisor/VP's office and laid it on the line for her. i hate to throw TNG under the bus, but it's quite clear that this job is completely beyond his limited talents.
it's time for more damage control, i doubt i'll be posting later...

**************************
mid-day update
ok, we've figured out a way to split the work so that the time-sensitive stuff gets done while slowly getting TNG familiar with other stuff. he's still slow as old people making love, but whatever. this whole arrangement is going to be addressed on Friday in a little meeting with the Big Boss.

**************************
end of day update
it's almost five. he's still slow and clueless. it's like talking to a Golden Retriever. the expression rarely changes and you know he's just not getting "it". he's not making the connection between what i'm saying and what he should be doing.

*sigh*

Happy Monday

it looks like it's gonna be a good day...for a monday...

the DJ called this weekend and it looks like he's good to go. it's a little bit more than i had wanted to pay, but he seems really nice and very professional. he also comes highly reccomended by stephen's sister, so that's a plus too. i'm just waiting to get the contract in the mail, along with the Wedding Survey that DJ companies seem to love to send out. wait till he sees my list :)

My albatross, TNG, is out today. i really shouldn't be as relieved as i am, since it seems that his wife took ill over the weekend. this will give me an opportunity to get this desk back into shape. it was no fun juggling my work while also watching him like a hawk. bad things happened last week when i split my attention. i hope she's ok, but i'm glad he's not here today.

Stephen has a community board meeting tonight, so i'll have the house to myself for a couple of hours. as much as i love him, i like "alone time" every once in a while: i'll watch Will and Grace or maybe a movie i know he really doesn't wanna see, like Boys Don't Cry or Trick. plus i finally found the original Legend of Zelda on Gameboy Advance, so maybe i'll play that for a while.

ok it's back-to-work time

Kiss My Ash

after about 15 years, my mom quit smoking again. i say "again" because she had started smoking at, about, age 16 and then quit when she got pregnant with my brother at 24. she didn't start again till some 16 years later; why is a blog in and of itself. i've been trying to get her to quit for years, before it killed her. she's overweight, and has both asthma and a heart problem. needless to say, i couldn't be happier when she told me that she was quitting (though i feigned indifference). she knows i support her 100%.

i bring this up because while sitting on the bus this morning, i was shocked at the number of people who were smoking, on the streets of manhattan, at 7 am. i'm barely conscious at that hour, and can barely manage working my razor. i can't even conceive of having a flaming stick hanging from my lip or between my fingers.

mind you, i'm not a smoker. i've never been a smoker; except for one ski-weekend in college, and that didn't end well at all since i inherited not only mom mom's big brown eyes and sauce making skills, but also her crappy lung capacity. it never really appealed to me growing up and as i got older, it wasn't the smell of smoke that turned me off it was that i equated smoking with dirt and litter.

smoking is probably the only socially acceptable addiction/habit that almost always ends in littering. it drives me nuts when i see some one flick a still smoldering cigarett in the street, especially if they don't stamp it out afterward. i mean you rarely see a heroin addict shoot up and then throw their still-dripping needle on the sidewalk, right? even we coffee addicts toss our cups in the trash. if a cop saw us throw a cup of hot coffee in the street, you'd get a ticket. ever see someone get busted for ashing on the sidewalk? i didn't think so.

despite all these smoking bans across New York and New Jersey, i must say i'm not happy. smoking's not my thing, but i'll be damned if i'm gonna tell somebody else they can't do it. i honestly don't think it's fair to ostracize people who pay such outrageous taxes on their method of addiction. if you don't want people smoking, make it illegal all across the board. it's also forced all the smokers out of the bars, clubs, offices and restaruants and into the streets where they've started chanelling their agression by flicking butts at passers-by. oh they say it's an accident but you can just tell...

i'll be honest, if i was forced to pay $7 a pop for my coffee and then told where i could drink it, you'd better believe there'd be alot more people out there with scald marks and foam on their lapels.

"Cigarettes and chocolate milk/These are just a couple of my cravings/Everything it seems I likes a little bit stronger/A little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me"~Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk (Rufus Wainwright)

Bad Day 1.0

today is one of those days i should not have gotten out of bed...

• i got to work and my PC was moved to my new section.
• TNG got here at 8:40
• my PC didn't work till after 10. 1st there was a problem with my sign-on profile. then they found out my tower was overheating because the fan stopped working.
• i've got to sit at Dum-Dum's desk so i'll be closer to TNG because he still needs to be watched. her desk is set up ass-backwards (surprised?) and she has this big shoulder/neck brace thing on her phone that i can't figure out how to work...it keeps sliding off my shoulder.
• my ear is killing me. it looks like i have to back on that accursed nasal spray.
• i wanna eat, but i'm not sure if it's because i'm so angry and frustrated or because i'm actually hungry.

Liza Knows

thanks to John for finding this for me.
Clearly Liza's had to train someone else to to her job.

Hey Mr. DJ Put a Record On, I Wanna Dance With My Non-Legally Recognized Life Partner Pt.3

the search is over. i've found a DJ. here's the story:

since it clearly means more to me than it ever could to him, Stephen has left all the musical choices to me. no problem. i'd been kicking around the idea of hiring the guy from the previous post, despite my reservations and quite a bit of advice from John and my mom. on a lark, i asked Stephen what he thought of the guy despite his questionable business tactics. long story short? Stephen told me to try the DJ his sister used, last year, at their wedding. thinking "what the hell", i called him.

Tess, the woman who answered, was so fantastically sweet that i didn't know what to do. she asked how i heard of the DJ Company, and i dropped Stephen's sister's name. she asked how she was doing, and got terribly excited when i mentioned their new baby. in a very round about way she inquired how she and i were related and i told her that Stephen was her brother, and i was his boyfriend and that he and i were planning our wedding. that totally made her day. she started gushing about how fantastic she thought it was that we were getting committed and how appalled she was at the US government's treatment of gays and lesbians; she kept telling me how supportive she and her husband are of Gay Rights and Equality. it was all i could do, not to cry. she took down all the necessary information and told me that her husband (the DJ) would call me back as soon as he could. as i was about to hang up she told me (again) how happy she was for us and that she truly wished us the best of luck and the longest of lives together. when i got off the phone my co-worker told me i was blushing furiously.

if he's half as wonderful as his wife, i don't care how much he wants to charge (and i doubt it will be more than Dash of Class); he's the one. i'm a sucker for people who support me.

"Gay and lesbian people fall in love. We settle down. We commit our lives to one another. We raise our children. We protect them. We try to be good citizens."California Sen. Sheila Kuehl, D-Santa Monica

Oooh Baby!

i want a baby.
ok, pick up your jaw while i explain. i don't actually want a baby. i don't like kids...much. i only like them with rules and provisos: i like them in very small doses, no more than once a week, and for no more than a couple of hours at a time. Ward Cleaver, i'm not. i want a baby for the silliest and most selfish reason of all: i love to shop for baby stuff.
when my niece was born, i went crazy: little dresses with matching socks and headbands, jackets with gloves or muffs, skirts with sweaters and tights, jeans with t-shirts and cute little belts; then there were the hats. i LIVED to buy her hats. if an outfit had a matching hat, so did she. i'm a sucker for a little girl in a hat. the best part was that, apparently, i had wonderful taste because she always adored whatever i'd buy her. then, one day, everything changed. she turned six and started wearing boys jeans, t-shits and baseball caps. yup, she became a tomboy. that was four years ago, and now all she wants are Yankee jackets, Nikes and (in a couple of years) a sports bra.

MS e-mailed me yesterday to tell me that her two friends (a gay couple in Connecticut) are adopting twins. she asked where she could find baby clothes geared toward same-sex parents. if you click on the onesie above, you can see the best of the two sites i found! seeing all these baby things really makes it hard to wait for my next niece to be born, though i'll be honest: i was hoping for a nephew to by little sweater vests and baby sized khakis for :)

Poke This

we never made it to the Poker game on friday night. even though i left at four, because it was raining and people in NJ drive like morons, i didn't get home till almost 7. i was so unhappy and felt so awful that Stephen conveyed our condolences and asked the hostess to please invite us again, the next time they play. i hope they invite us again, it sounded like alot of fun.
no, i wasn't eavesdropping. Our patio door was open and their door was open, so we kinda heard all the laughter and fun that we were missing out on. oh well, next time.

"I mean, the "radical gay agenda." The radical agenda: they want to get married, join the army, be in the Boy Scouts. I don't understand why people are so up in arms about gay marriage. I mean, I would understand if they wanted to make it manditory - someone telling me, "I'm sorry, but you're going to have to marry a dude." Really, let people be who they are. The head can be swayed, the heart can be tugged, but the dick wants what it wants - it's irrefutable."~ John Stewart

Alternate Reality

i miss television. i miss sit-coms that were funny. i miss having "a show": that one show that i'd watch every week, without fail. if i couldn't be home, i'd tape it (ie. Queer as Folk and the 1st few seasons of ER). the closest thing i have now is Desperate Housewives on DVD. the problem is, i'm the 1 out of 500,000 americans that hate reality television.
i really think it is the worst thing to happen to tv since Buffy went off the air (ok, i didn't watch it the 1st time around, but i realize now what a travesty it truly was. Joss, i'm sorry, please come back).
i just don't get it. people undercutting each other, eating roaches and demeaning themselves for money isn't entertainment, to me, it's just a reflection of how low we're willing to sink for some cash. gameshows are one thing, but Family Fear Factor is another. i sit at work and listen to people talk about America's Next Top Model and American Idol. they talk like these people competing(?) are their friends or family. they get emotionally invested in their "stories" and i just don't get it. in the 80's did anyone have to compete to be a 1 hit wonder? did we really give a shit about Cindy Crawford's "struggle" to out starve the other girls?
i'll be honest, i'm slightly intrigued by Dancing with the Stars and Celebrity Duets, but in the same way i watched Circus of the Stars and Battle of the Network Stars. call it morbid curiosity, but i felt compelled to watch Tracy Gold on a trapeze or Emanuel Lewis attempt the high jump. granted, i'm not going to watch either show (we just started Season 5 of Smallville on DVD), but it makes me happy that Hal Sparks can carry a tune.
maybe there is hope on the horizon: ABC has that new show Six Degrees starting soon and the third season of Desperate Housewives starts this weekend, plus i've very intrigued by Grey's Anatomy, thanks to MS (when did ABC start trumping NBC in the number of watchable shows?). i just hope nobody survives on Survivor. is that wrong?

T.G.I.F.F

is it my imagination, or has this been an incredibly long week? maybe it's because i've been training TNG all week. he moves so fucking slowly that (inside) i'm screaming C'MON ALREADY ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TYPE IN TODAY'S DATE! IT SHOULDN'T TAKE LONGER THAN 3 SECONDS!!! he's driving me bat shit. i think it's because he's so nice. he seems like he's trying very hard to remember all the information that i'm throwing at him (there is alot, i'll readily admit it). it justs makes my ass twitch that he's taking such lousy notes and then not referring to them when he has to do something. i'm gonna see if i can get out of here early, maybe four.

Tonight is Poker Night. i'm actually kinda looking foward to it, despite my previous post on the subject. it should be fun. . Oh and we decided to bring a bottle of wine; the hostess said to bring whatever we like to drink. make that a BIG bottle of wine, maybe we can get the neighbors drunk

In other news...i just heard from the guy behind me that Sunday is National Pickle day. i think i'm gonna celebrate the whole weekend by getting the old Pickle Tickle from my hot hunka man. i hope he's ready.

"I remember the Battle of the Network Stars. We'd get together with others on network shows and have a weekend of fun, frolic and sportsmanship"~ Erik Estrada

Ugh

i'm sick.
i'm tired.
i don't want to be training anyone.
i want to be in bed, under the covers, sleeping.

Lick 'er In the Front, Poke 'Er in the Rear

when i got home from the salt mine yesterday, Stephen was waiting for me on the new patio/porch/lanai/what-have-you making dinner (burgers and dogs on our 1st BBQ!). he ushered me outside and told me to sit down. so i did. then he starts whispering that we've been invited to our neighbor's house on Friday night: to play poker.
i was shocked on about 10 different levels. here is but 3 of them...

1. neither of us know anything about poker. stephen actually hates to play any card games. he grudgingly sits through games with Chris and John every so often, but it's as obvious as his beautiful blue/green/hazel eyes that he'd rather be dusting the blinds or something. Me? i am terrible at most card games because 95% of the time i can't remember the rules (ie. which hand beats which, basic rules of play, etc). i'm the guy that takes 10 minutes to decide which card to "throw out". the only game i'm good at is Uno. i love me some Uno action.

2. the neighbors whose house we're going to have, till now, seemed cold and distant at best. we've been living there for two years and conversation has never progressed beyond "Hi" and "Bye". once, like six months ago, Stephen knocked on their door to borrow an egg (to make muffins) and on Sunday the, 8 month pregnant, Mrs. came over to borrow a drill. the latter represents the longest i've ever stood in her presence. i'm just curious as to Why Now?

3. straight people make me nervous. there, i've said it: i'm a hetero-phobe. don't get me wrong, some of my best friends are straight, hell my parents appear to be too. but the average straight couple confounds me. i don't know what to talk to them about (do they cook? listen to music? watch Desperate Housewives?). if i'm in a room (especially with Stephen) and we're...surrounded...by straight people, i wonder what they're thinking of us; are they going to gang up and beat us into a sticky pink pudding or try and proselytize (not that i think their Crazy Christers, but who can really tell these days)?

4. what the hell are we gonna bring?

Teach Me, Tiger

i've come to the conclusion. i am a terrible teacher. i have absolutely no patience, at all. i don't. it's awful.
i'm training "the new guy" (TNG) to work my desk; no small feat. my current job is one of "high exposure", which means: if things get fucked up, the firm could lose millions of dollars (not including legal fees). you really have to know what you're doing or at the very least ask alot of questions to make sure you're not doing something wrong. TNG could really care less.

he doesn't take notes.
he doesn't seem to pay attention.
he just wants to know when lunch is.
oh and when he types, he uses two fingers.

yup.
two.
fingers.

i want him trained as quickly and efficiently as possible so i can move on (and, most importantly, away from Dingbat). the real problem is, i've got no patience to sit here and walk somebody through my job. i just want to get it done as quick as possible and browse people's blogs. but that's not an option.

i'm here at the ass-crack of dawn, as usual, to get a jump on my work. i told TNG that you really have to get here before 8 if you want to get everything done in a timely fashion. his response: i'll see you about 8:30 tomorrow.

this is gonna be a long week.

"Why should I care?I'd rather watch drying paint/But I would try the patience of a saint"~ the Patience of a Saint (the Pet Shop Boys)

Who's Better Than I?

I'm the Best Boyfriend in the World!

ok, maybe not the best but i'm certainly a pretty good one. Stephen's birthday was yesterday and somehow i managed to plan a mini-surprise party for him on Saturday at Staten Island's Burrito Bar, and gather together his family and mine for Chinese food and cake, yesterday.
he was actually surprised, on Saturday, especially when he saw his friends from Long Island at the restaurant. the food and sangria were great, and a good time was had by all. afterwards we went into Brooklyn to hear John spin 80's night at Secrets, this cute little hole in the wall in Sheepshead Bay. we stayed for a little while and then headed home (at 37 he can't take the late nights anymore **rolls eyes**), where his real surprise was waiting: i finally got him an engagement ring. much happiness and nookie ensued.
Sunday dinner was great, his sister (plus husband and baby), parents, my niece and parents were all there. in the interest of not wanting to embarass myself by cooking for my mother and mother-in-law, i ordered out Chinese food (nobody really minded). i did, however, make his cake from scratch: White Cake with White (vanilla) Frosting, encrusted with toasted coconut. the cake was a big hit and i finally got to use my Tupperware Square cake taker. smiles all around.

this will probably be my only entry for today, as i have to start training a new guy to take over my desk. i got a promotion/lateral-movement (it puts me in line for future advancement) here and will be learning a whole new job in a few weeks.

Hey Mr. DJ Put a Record On, I Wanna Dance With My Non-Legally Recognized Life Partner Pt.2

so i found another DJ.
i checked out their website, e-mailed them and spoke to the owner.
he quoted me a very nice price for our Commitment Ceremony and said he was sending out the paperwork for our perusal in the morning. groovy.
he calls back an hour later to get more specifics:


DJ: What exactly is a Commitment Ceremony?
Me: it's the lesbian/gay version of a wedding.
DJ: oh.
Me: will that be a problem?
DJ: no...it's just that, well, i thought it was to commit someone into an organization or something.
Me: *chuckle* no...not quite.
DJ: ok, then i'm afraid i'm going to have to charge you the Wedding price (adds $100).
Me: oh?
DJ: yeah, you're going to want somebody alot more professional for that. otherwise i would've sent someone who does, like, backyard barbecues or block parties or something. .
Me: um...ok. thanks. yours is still the best price i've heard.
DJ: i'll send you the paperwork today
Me: Great. i look forward to doing business with you.
DJ: Me too!

all of a sudden we're allowed to have a WEDDING? don't tell GW.

Ask Dr Science!

The following questions were collected by University of Portland professor Terry Favero, who began his human-biology course each week by accepting anonymous "Ask Doctor Science!" written questions from his students. Some examples:

Are boobs just mostly fat?
Can men be affected by a menstrual cycle?
Can the stomach actually explode?
Can you be addicted to soda pop?
Can you die from getting your nose pushed back into your brain?
Can you get someone else's DNA from a bone-marrow transplant?
Do blind people see in their dreams?
Do fetuses burp?
How can you make a hickey heal faster?
How come I look like my grandmother?
How do those thigh creams work?
If someone drank a bottle of Liquid-Plumr what part of the body would dissolve first?
If you accidentally swallow tobacco can you get a cancerous growth in your stomach?
If you chew on candy and then spit it out do you still get calories?
If you cut off your ears could you still hear?
If you lost one ovary but the other one was healthy, would you only ovulate and menstruate every other month?
If you stand on your head for three days will your head explode?
Is a beer belly really caused by beer?
Is deja vu a brain function?
Is it true that if you swallow tobacco you will kill the parasites in your stomach?
Is there any prevention from growing those ugly ear hairs like my dad has?
What is the purpose of lips?
When a kidney is removed, what happens to the empty space?
Why are boogers green when you are sick?
Why are college students so preoccupied with sex?
Why are zits different colors?Why do babies drool?
Why do some people laugh louder than others?
Why do tattoos fade to blue?
Why do we get dark circles under out eyes when we are tired?
Why do we have earwax?
Why do you get all pruney when you stay in the tub too long?
Why does the hair on my legs grow unevenly?
Why don't men shave their underarm hair?
Why when I'm nervous around a cute guy does my head get such a rush that I feel faint and seriously find it difficult to think straight?
Why when you laugh sometimes does the back of your head hurt?

Blogger, Bringing Friends Together Since...God Only Knows

i've added three new links in the last hour to my sidebar. One is the blog of an absolutely phenomonal artist whose blog i came across while mindlessly slagging off at work. the other two belong to two of my dearest friends (and former roommates); they've both succumbed to blog fever.

i urge you to check out their blogs, i guarantee you'll be entertained.

"You never saw the eyes/Of grown men of twenty-five/That follow as you walk/And ask for autographs/Or kiss you on the cheek/But you never can believe/They really love you"~Stars (Cher)

Going Down..?

in my office there's a" coffee club". everyday someone buys coffee for the other people in the club. here's how it works: you get a "free" cup of coffee four days out of the week and then buy for everyone on the fifth day. since i'm the CawfeeGuy (he whose blood is actually espresso) i knew i needed to get in on this action. adding a sixth person, kinda confused things for a while, but now i rotate Fridays with Cunty or if someone is off, i take their day. anyhoo, today was my coffee day.

when i got to the bank of elevator there was nobody else there. i pushed the button to go up and waited with my bags o'coffee. over the next 5 minutes, about 15 other people arrived at the elevator bank. would you believe that every single person pressed the button despite the fact that it was already lit? it seems nobody trusted anyone else's ability to call the elevator. one man actually pressed the button no less than ten times.

"I have an elbow that bends the wrong way, and I'd do things like stand in an elevator and the doors would close, and I'd pretend that my arm had got caught in it, and then I'd scream, 'Ow, ow, put it back!' "~Geena Davis

the Soundtrack of Your Life...

You all know how much i love music. Y'all also know how much i love the Next Blog button . i came across this wonderful idea while surfing the blogsphere and yes, i'm blatantly stealing it (i also may be cheating a bit by using a pre-made playlist on shuffle-play, but since there are no "rules" i'll do it my way thank-you-very-much):

Put your IPod or whatever mp3 player you have to random play. Imagine your life is a movie soundtrack, press play, and write down the song that comes up for all the points in the list below.
1. Opening credits: Fly Again (Scumfrog full club mix)~ Kristine W
2. Waking up: Vienna (Lenny Bertolo full mix)~ Linda Eder
3. Falling in love: the Wonder of It All (Al B Rich edit)~ Kristine W
4. Fight scene: Rising (Tony Moran mix)~ Elle Patrice
5. Breaking up: the Wonder of It All (Escape 2 Gomi mix)~ Kristine W
6. Life's okay: Proud 2005 (Peter Presta Queer As Folk Finale mix)~ Heather Small
7. Mental breakdown : Stronger (Johnny Vicious full mix)~ Kristine W
8. Driving: Me Against the Music (Peter Rauhofer full mix)~ Madonna & Britney Spears
9. Flashbacks: Secret (John Michael's Razor & Guido radio edit)~ Madonna
10. Happy dance: Someone to Hold (Johnny Vicious Club mix)~ Veronica
11. Regretting: Fallen (Gabriel & Dresden full mix)~ Sarah McLachlan
12. Final battle: X-99 (Club 69 Tribal mix)~ Junior Vasquez
13. Death scene: Breathe (LMC extended mix)~ Erasure

interesting, right? i was perplexed how Kristine W's the Wonder of It All would be both a falling in love song and a breaking up song, but it kinda works. Heather Small's Proud is totally appropos! ditto Junior's X-99. what's your soundtrack?

Che`?

Even your best friend won't be making much sense today -- it's like everyone is speaking a foreign language. Try to just accept the confusion and wait a few days for things to clear up.


Great. i have enough trouble understanding English. **rubs temples** i mean i speak a little Italian and can understand some basic Spanish. Is German that hard? forget Japanese. Oooh! Icelandic! Bjork has prepared me for that! does anyone have a Babel Fish?

"Words are useless, especially sentences. they don't stand for anything"~ Bedtime Stories (Madonna/Bjork)

Resolutions Resolutions

after alot of advice and pondering and ruminating and thinking on the subject i decided to by Season 2 of Desperate Housewives. i was all set to go pick up up from Best Buy, using the GC from ma and pa, on Saturday. little did i know that Stephen had purchased it on Friday. my plan was moot. he told me not to waste my GC on it, that there were plenty more things i could use it on. what to do? what to do?
today, while avoiding work at all costs i went to BestBuy.com and purchased the Final Season and Final Episode of Will & Grace using the 10% off coupon they e-mailed me on Monday! life is good. life is grand. i still have about $10 left on the GC; what the hell am i gonna spend that on?

"I was just out of college. I was broke. It's the oldest story in the world. Boy meets girl, boy wants girl to do dominatrix film, girl says, "naked?" Boy says, "yeah." Girl says, "forget it." Boy says, "ok, then just wear this rubber dress and beat the old guy with a scrub brush." Girl says, "how hard?""~ Karen Walker

Who Knows What the Nose Knows..?

this weekend, MS dropped by for a bit of dinner, wine and wiccan hijinx. over the course of the evening, as we were all lounging on the couch, sipping Espresso or Pinot Grigio, she brought up a study she had heard about. Here's the Campbell's Soup version:

We all know that the sense of smell plays an incredibly huge part in our attraction to...whomever we're attracted to (remember the T-Shirt Study?). we're animals, right? we react to pheremones, just like lions and tigers and *ahem* bears. Well, girls, it turns out that your little friend, the one you've had since you first started to bleed once a month, The Pill, alters your perception of what you smell. are you anywhere near as shocked and apalled as i am?

theoretically, you could fall in love with a man, live together for a while and then stop taking The Pill 'cause you wanna dupe him into knocking you up or what-have-you and realize that his heady musky scent (the one that used to drive you into all sorts of snail-trail inducing fantasies) actually makes you want to hose him down with Febreeze. the flip side is even more disasterous: meeting a guy whom you used to find absolutely repellent, and then be driven to wild 'cause you're off The Pill and now find him absolutely intoxicating.

is that not terribly disturbing? what would you do if you woke up to find yourself completely turned off by your partner and you don't know why? it's the ultimate case of You're Not the Man I Married.

"Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it's hard to go back to sleep"~ Fran Drescher

Reason #168 to Love the Internet

Hours of mind numbing entertainment await, i assure you.
the site is called Ultimate Flash Face.
this is my new hobby.

i know it doesn't look very much like me, but it's the best i can do for now. my 1st version was accidentally deleted and (according to a co-worker) it looked quite alot like me.

have a great 3 day weekend kids!

All We Are Saying is Give Peas a Chance

back in high school, i had a very good friend who was a devout carnivore. when confronted with evidence of vegetarianism, he'd usually roll his eyes and walk away. one saturday, at a party, he met a vegetarian girl. the two began a spirited discussion, during which she told him all the political reasons she was a vegetarian. during a tense moment in the conversation, someone offered him a cookie. He looked aghast and replied, "no, i can't. i object to the the way chocolate chips are treated prior to baking". he and the vegetarian girl dated for many years thereafter.
Say No to Vegetarians

"Vegetarianism is harmless enough though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness" ~Robert Hutchison, address to the British Medical Association, 1930