Please say hello to the most recent addition to my desk menagerie, Phyllis (right).

she's actually been here since before Valentine's day, after what happened to my last desk plant, Ursula (left), i wanted to keep her alive for 2 weeks before i showed her off.

hopefully she'll continue to thrive and provide me with the smallest amount of the natural world at work.

Mum's the Word

i know a secret about two of my favorite people in the world, one of whom happens to be a fellow blogger.

a wonderful and fantastic and incredibly joyous secret that i've been sitting on for over a month (ever since i got the text message at 10:00 at night).

as of yet, they've not posted it on their blog and it's driving me nuts. they haven't even hinted about it, but have recently sent out an e-mail to "selected people" (who were all BCC'd so that we don't know the identities of those who are currently in the know).

you know who you are...and you better spill it soon before i explode.

Test Day: Who Knew Brains Came in Colors?

Your Mind is Purple

Of all the mind types, yours is the most idealistic. You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense. Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

What Color Is Your Mind?

special thanks to Ryan Charisma, from whom i stole this.

Test Day: Fair Game

You Mostly Fight Fair

When you fight, you tend to remember your end goal of resolving conflict. However, you can get a little too wrapped up in your own feelings. Remember that there are two sides to every argument. And even if you think you're totally right, you should take more time to hear your partner out.

Do You Fight Fair?

Magenta Sequins is Experiencing Technical Difficulties...

It's an Insult I Tell You

on my way into the office i stopped at "the Man in the Box" who sells coffee outside our building.

he's got this little 4 x 4 steel shack from which he sells coffee, donuts, rolls, etc. for the longest time, it was the best "brown coffee" (read: American coffee, as opposed to "black coffee" which is espresso) in the area; dark, flavorful, and strong. it was also reasonably cheap at $1.25 for a large. i'd go there every morning and get the same thing: a large coffee, dark and sweet (read: a little bit of milk with alot of sugar). the guy who worked there (hunky young latin fellow with an ass you could serve drinks on) knew my drink; i didn't even have to speak (which is worth more than gold to me, 1st thing in the morning). it was wonderful; i'd get my one cup of coffee on the way in from the subway and another with the coffee klatsch. while i was on Weight Watchers, i tapered off to the one cup with the klatsch, except on wednesdays when i would treat myself to a Starbuck's latte.

a few months ago, something changed; the hunky young latin guy (who i found out was the owner's grandson) wasn't there anymore. his father (far more latin and incredibly un-hunky...actually he's quite scary) took over. the coffee got lighter and more expensive ($1.40). the worst part: he didn't know me. i had to tell him my order every time. it was almost painful.

anyway...back to this morning...
i asked for a large coffee, dark and sweet.
he handed me my bag.
i paid.
i came inside to my desk.
i took one sip and almost gagged.
all that's in the cup is milk and sugar.
barely a suggestion of coffee.

i haven't drank coffee this way since i'm 4 years old.

this is why people frequent Starbucks and other big chains...the coffee is always the same.

this is no way to start a day.

Why?

Re: BL's post, Nature vs. Nurture
i've hit a point in my life where i can honestly say 2 things on the subject
1) I don't care why i'm gay; i just am.
2) Whether the reason i'm gay is a domineering/overly affectionate mother, a quasi-absent/affection-withholding father; repeated exposure to Paul Lynde in Bewitched, Wonder Woman, Barbra's a Christmas Album, Bert and Ernie, or Sesame Street's disco 8 track (Sesame Street Fever), at an early age; too much pink Strawberry flavored Quik in my milk; or being born during a full moon, on a Saturday, on the cusp...

thanks mom.
thanks dad.
thanks Paul.
thanks Barbra.
thanks Wonder Woman.
thanks Bert and Ernie,
thanks Disco Grover
thanks Bunny.

i'm glad; being gay is, without a doubt, the single luckiest opportunity i was ever "given". it has afforded me the chance to meet the most wonderful, caring, fabulous, fun, funny, and loving people imaginable. it has helped me forge relationships that would have been denied to me had i been born any other way. while not the most important part of my personality, it is certainly an integral one.
thanks again, to all the above; though i am quite sure i could've done it without you, thanks for any help you may have given.

What i Learned Today While at an After-Hours Mandatory Internet Class

straight men are both horrified and fascinated watching a gay man enjoy a lollipop.

An Open Letter to That Guy From the Bus

though you and i have never exchanged two words, i know that you know who i am. we see each other every morning on the X24 from Staten Island to midtown Manhattan. i usually get on after you (the second to last stop) and sit a seat or two behind you, as you tend to sit in the 1st few rows; always on the aisle. i've seen you sullenly ignore people when they ask to sit in the seat next to you, by the window, and once even ask a guy if he was kidding. i gather that you're not a morning person and don't, particularly, like to share. hey, whatever makes your morning work, right?

what i don't quite understand is why you jump in front of me, every morning, just before we get to 34th street and Broadway. i've seen you scope me out, out of the corner of your eye, and step into the aisle just as i get to your seat. every morning. mind you, if you wanna be the 1st one off the bus, i say "knock yourself out". it's really neither here nor there. i'm more interested in the look of determination on your face, when you step in front of me. i noticed this morning that you let someone else step to the front, but still stepped in front of me when i got up. i dunno, maybe i'm paranoid or petty, but repeating patterns tend to fascinate me.

i'm fine with your need to be the 1st off the bus, it's not in my nature to be so competitive. quite honestly i hate being the 1st person in the aisle, especially since the psycho driver tends to stop short at very high speeds. the last thing i need is to hit the windshield at 30 mph, but if that's what you're into, rock on.

i'm honestly content to step off the bus behind you; especially when i beat your sorry, fat, beer-bloated, breeder ass to the F train every morning.

There's Only So Many Times You Can Spin Around on Your Desk Chair Before You Puke, Y'Know? Pt 2

so does anyone else keep their browser open to their blog and click on their friends' blogs' links throughout the day to see if they've been updated?
or
just hit refresh to see if people are leaving comments on their blog?

show of hands?
anyone...?
is this thing on?

I'd Like to Thank the Academy...

for another waste of 3 and half hours.

Even Jon Stewart seemed to notice how stale, un-funny, and un-interesting the show was. endless and pointless montages (did they really need to show us all 79 former Best Actors, Best Actresses, and Best Pictures?), poorly performed songs (Kristen Chenowerth should be ashamed), lackluster acceptance speeches and bad jokes (Halle Berry vs Dame Judy?) made this one of the most forgetable Oscar shows i've ever sat through (second only to the year David Letterman hosted). granted, i didn't see any of the movies that were nominated for any of the awards, but still...the show itself was just dull. i guess we can blame the writer's strike. on the plus side i do want on seeing La Vie en Rose and Juno.

i regret staying up past my usual bedtime of 10 pm and not watching season three of Charmed (Shannon is finally dead and they've replaced her with Rose McGowan who's quite a little spitfire and not a half bad actress).

Sunday Afternoon Make-Over

Stephen is Staten Island's own Tim Gunn, and look at the fabulous job he did on little mister Rufus's hair! Now, we can see his fabulous little face!

"His balls are going to be snipped...I think a bow on top of his head is the LAST thing he's worried about"~Cinnamon Jenkins

Test Day: Mind You, Not Dark, Scary Veiny Willow...(Or This Quiz is Right Up Several Bloggers' Alleys)

Which Buffy the Vampire Slayer Character Are You?

More on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Created by BuddyTV

Test Day: Even in a Blizzard i Show Up

You Are Garlic

Of all the spice types, you are the most universally loved. You get long with pretty much everyone, and you leave a lasting impression. You adapt yourself well to situations. You can fit in or stand out, depending on what you're called on to do.

What Spice Are You?

There's Only So Many Times You Can Spin Around on Your Desk Chair Before You Puke, Y'Know?

so, since work seems to have hit a speed bump at 3pm, i've been hitting the next blog button. thanks to Blogger for finally fixing it so that the "next blog" in question isn't some stupid advertisement blog that throws my browser into a total mind-fuck.

now if only they can tailor it so that i stop getting all the blogs from 12 year olds in Japan, India, Thailand, and China and baby blogs from Sweden and Soccer/Football blogs from Latin America (i wouldn't mind if they showed more scantily clad footballers, but alas...). where are all the gay, comic book reading bloggers out there?

it's times like this i miss the now defunct Gay Men Rule multi-authored blog.

Pop Quiz: It's 4 pm, Do You Have a Better Idea?

Who is Your Ideal TV Boyfriend?

perhaps it would help if i watched more TV, but i have no idea who this guy is; he's kinda cute, though, in that smoldering, intense, possibly insane kinda way.

and yes, this was purloined from Cinnamon Jenkins.

Pop Quiz: Marked Man

You Are An Exclamation Point

You are a bundle of... well, something. You're often a bundle of joy, passion, or drama. You're loud, brash, and outgoing. If you think it, you say it. Definitely not the quiet type, you really don't keep a lot to yourself. You're lively and inspiring. People love to be around your energy. (But they do secretly worry that you'll spill their secrets without even realizing it.) You excel in: Public speaking You get along best with: the Dash

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

Treading Water

sometimes i have absolutely no idea what to post on my blog. things around here are status quo: the puppy is grand, married life is wonderful, work is just as miserable as it's been for the last 2 years, my weight is good, the brain tumor is still gone; there's really nothing to report.

i'm happy and content with what's going on in my life; i guess no news is good news, but it makes for a pretty boring blog...

Back in the Saddle

it appears that some Mea Culpa's are in order for friday; several people seemed not to know i'd be taking the extra day off. to those who e-mailed me and failed to receive a timely response, i'm sorry. to those who were forced to come up with their own idea for a blog, i'm sorry. to those who called the office looking for me, i'm sorry.

in the future i'll be sure to post a Gone Fishin' sign or something the day before a long weekend.

anyhoo...
Friday we picked up the car and it's not nearly as bad as i feared it would be. my dad saw the salesman on Thursday and told him how unhappy i was that the car was so un-sporty. The salesman's conscession was to add the pinstriping. i'll admit, the color blue we chose helps immensely (originally we'd seen the car only in Brooklyn Grandma Beige with Beige interior), but the pinstriping is definitely a step in the right direction. should the sun ever shine on Staten Island again, i'll post a picture that does the color justice. aside from that, it drives like a dream, the sound system blows my Cavalier out of the water, i had forgotten how much i missed a functional AC system and power windows, and i dunno how i ever lived without lumbar support. in short, i'm sold. (btw: the homo-friendly bumper magnets should arrive on friday). we took a christening trip to Long Island to get our taxes done, visit with stephen's parents and go out for dinner at the most amazing Cajun restaurant with a perfectly divine lesbian couple.

Saturday night we went to a Fucker-ware Party at John's friend Phil's house (think: Tupperware or Pampered Chef party with dildoes, butt plugs and lube). it was fun, but the best part was the the girl who pleadlingly asked the Dildo Lady if she had anything to make her boyfriend's dick bigger; i don't mean discretely, i mean "it's like getting fucked by a golf pencil" kinda braying, all throughout the presentation. the worst part was that the guy showed up later on and everyone's was looking at the incredibly hot, built-like-a-brick-shithouse guido poor schmuck shaking their heads. y'gotta feel bad for the un-hung; the real highlight was hanging out with John, Justin and little Marissa. the whole affair seemed considerably less ridiculous and infinitely more fun.

Sunday and yesterday were real chill-out kinda days; hanging out around the house, doing laundry, cleaning, writing out the Thank-You cards from the wedding (watch your mailboxes) and some quality puppy time.

this is the best i've felt in two weeks; i'm not exhausted, congested or hacking up a lung. life's good, y'know?

Test Day: Take That, Middle America!

You Are Very Normal

You scored 80% normal on this quiz You are normal in practically every way. Yes, you're average. But average definitely doesn't boring. You just fit in well with the mainstream. Why You Are Normal: If you had to, you rather live without music and still have laughter You check your daily horoscope When you're in a car, you prefer to be the driver You prefer fiction to non fiction You find the Macarena to be the more embarrassing dance

What's" Normal About You... And What's Not?

I'm Too Young and Quasi-Fabulous for "Adequate" (or I Will Not Let My Car Define Me...I Will Not Let My Car Define Me...)

(via e-mail; edited for length)

Justin: Eddie Izzard 2/14-3/7 at Union Square Theater! We're going right?

CawfeeGuy: **whines** I dunno...Lemme talk to the hubby. We've begun HUMUNGOUS belt tightening, with him back in school and the new car lease, etc.

J: New car? What's this?

CG: Yeah the cavalier finally decided she'd had enough: the alternator is 30 seconds from a meltdown and the transmission was weird (if you want all the specifics, ask stephen). She was a tough old thing and I drove her into the ground…she will be missed.
In a panic ('cuz I will not be w/o a car) we leased an '08 Camry LE last night; my dad works at one of the SI dealerships as a transporter and got us a SWEET deal...in our meager price range.
I'm kinda EH about it. I find I can't get EXCITED about a Camry; it's not stylish or sporty or fun…it's practical and safe and "luxury". To me luxury = old people. **shrug** it's only for 3 years.

J: A CAMRY. Well. Enjoy that, Esther.

CG: THANK YOU! **crosses arms and scowls**
That's EXACTLY what I said to STEPHEN and my MOTHER and EVERYONE ELSE who's ALL excited over a freakin CAMRY! How the HELL can ANYONE get it up for a CAMRY?!?

J: I don't know how anyone could possibly be excited over a Camry. There was a comparo of it in this month's Car and Driver. If I recall, it was described as "Adequate" and "Quiet" and a "Buick replacement."

CG: Ugh. It’s just so…MIDDLE AMERICA/SUBURBIA. I can’t even slap a queer bumper sticker on it.

Happy Valentines Day, Kids Everyone!

"It's just not sex without something up your butt"~ Emmett Honeycut (Queer as Folk)

Nothing Makes You Realize How Much You Hate Your Job Quite Like Returning From Four Days Absence

and no...it does not make the heart grow fonder.

i don't feel much better and quite frankly i'd rather be home; i really think i could have used one more day (especially considering the abysmal weather we're having).

i miss having a puppy on my lap under a thick comforter and a rainbow afghan.
i miss watching dvd's of Queer as Folk, while sipping incredibly sugared tea.

but i'm here today and tomorrow, and then i've got another four day weekend...one day will be spent buying leasing a new car; i'm not nearly as excited as i should be about this, but that's a whole other post.

Better Than Penicillin, Better Than Advil: Cold and Flu

**Chuckle**COUGH**COUGH**Chuckle**

thanks CJ. i laughed till i lost consciousness. sure it only took 3 minutes....but still...

Irony

and today, i'm home sick.
i've got the worst cold in the history of medicine.
i'm freezing one minute, sweating the next...achey in places i didn't even know had nerve endings...i wanna die.

I Wanna Go Home Sick...but Only 'Cuz I'm Sick of Being Here

Test Day: Champagne Taste...Schlitz Pocketbook

You Are Upper Class

Class isn't always about money, and you've at least got the brains, manners, and interests of an upper class person.You don't have a trashy bone in your body, and you don't pretend to be someone you're not.You're comfortable with your station in life, and class issues don't really bother you.The finest things in life are within your reach, and you're comfortable enjoying them. You may end up: A business leader, corporate lawyer, or philanthropist Other people who share your class: Bill Gates, Oprah, former world leaders like Bill Clinton, and those reclusive billionaires no one ever talks about.

What Class Are You?

Test Day: The Somebody I Coulda Been...

Which Screwed Up Celebrity Are You Most Like?

"You make me feel like a pudgy, naked, winged child has shot an arrow into my chest cavity"

Do y'think that these shirts (click pic to enlarge) are too...i dunno..."sixteen year old girl"? 'cuz i'm not gonna lie...i'm tempted to buy one...

c'mon, with Valentines Day right around the corner, don't you wanna tell the world whether you're in blissfully coupled or screwed by love?

To Stephen, On Our 4 Month Anniversary...

well...4 months of marriage, 3 years of dating and 2 years of "shacking up"...

Kick Yer Ash

yup today's the day that at least some of the crazy christers make themselves visible to the rest of us.

it also means 40 days of Marshmallow Peeps...

Hot Mess

totally not having it today...
i got shampoo in my eye this morning and it's still burns...my lips split right in the corner so every time i laugh, speak, smile, or frown it is incredibly painful. why they're chapped, considering the amount of water i drink in a day, is beyond me.

yes, i'm whiny and bitchy and just in a foul mood.
piss off.

Pop-Quiz: Feeling Entitled

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: His Most Noble Lord David the Recumbent of Greater Sodbury Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.”~ Eddie Izzard

Gay-Middle-Aged Mutant Average CawfeeGuys

the hottest shirt ShirtWoot has ever had.

i missed it the 1st time they had it on sale, but caught on the Day-of-Reckoning Rebound.

sorry honey, i'll throw out one of my old t's to make room...i swear...

an Open Memo to the Straight Guys in My Office

to the Giant Fans,

to the Patriot Fans,

get over it kids and grow up. it's a game that you didn't play in.

Who Wants to Live In an Institution Pt. 2: Closer to Home (or 3 Months 29 Days Later)

who's up for a weekend roadtrip to Canada?

In the Immortal Words of Daffy Duck "Thith Meanth War..."

i gladly accept your challenge, BL.

i am gonna need a new bag for summer...

it will be mine.
oh yes.
it.
will.
be.
mine.

Test Day: an Old Stand-By

the Soundtrack of Your Life
blah blah bla iPod blah blah blah suffle...

opening credits: Walk Away (DJ John Michael's All-Inclusive mix)~ Kristine W.
waking up: Theme from the "Valley of the Dolls" (Junior Vasquez Arena Anthem)~ kd lang
falling in love: Feel What You Want (Junior's NY Extended mix)~ Kristine W.
fight scene: Pride 2005 (Peter Presta's Queer as Folk Finale mix)~ Heather Small
breaking up: Consequences of Falling (Love to Infinity mix)~ kd lang
life's okay: Save My Soul (Junior's Complete Sound Factory mix)~ Kristine W.
mental breakdown: Can't Get You Outta My Head (Junior Vasquez mix)~ Kylie Minogue
driving: U & Ur Hand (Junior Vasquez mix)~ Pink
flashback: Wachulookinat (Thunderpuss Dub-to-Club Anthem)~ Whitney Houston
happy dance: I'm Coming Out (Illicit Club Anthem)~ Diana Ross
regretting: Professional Widow (Armand Van Helden Star Trunk Funkin Mix)~ Tori Amos
final battle: You Better Get Ready (Almighty Anthem club mix)~ Lulu
death scene: Like a Prayer (Junior Vasquez club mix)~ Madonna
end credits: Everytime (Scumfrog club mix)~ Britney Spears

Test Day: Some From Column A, Some From Column B, Some From Column C...

All-Around Smart You are all-around smart. Essentially, that means that you are a good combination of your own knowledge and experience, along with having learned through instruction - and you are equally as good with theoretical things as you are with real-world, applied things. You have a well-rounded brain. 0% applied intelligence 10% learned intelligence

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Test Day: "Hey That Guy's Not Chinese"

Your Theme Song: "Kung Fu Fighting", Carl Douglas 'What is your theme song?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Test Day: If There's Something Out There...It Doesn't Want Me

There's a 8% Chance You've Been Abducted By Aliens

There's virtually no chance you've been abducted by aliens.But there's always hope for the future!

What Are the Chances that You've Been Abducted by Aliens?