This Totally Falls Under the Category of TMI Pt. 2 (You Should Still, Probably, Read at Your Own Risk)

i went to the urologist last night for a, post-urinalysis, follow-up and was given a clean bill of health by the Doctor (whom we're going to refer to as Dr. Magic). Okay...settle down and stop applauding...there's a (very brief) story here.

i've never been to a urolgist before nor have i ever had any of the usual medical exams that come with being a guy. since becoming an adult, i've a pretty healthy person (with the exception of the brain tumor, the flat feet and that brush with crabs in the late '90's) and the only time i'd ever actually go to the doctor would be for something like my annual case of tonsilitis or somehting like that; yearly physicals have always been, thankfully, brief and without hernia exams. i dunno why...it just never came up. anyway, the point is, i'm not used to a clinical examination of my "nether regions"...which is fine, because since my pediatrician all my GP's have been typical, straight guy, Doctor-types; neither a McDreamy, McSteamy nor even a Doc Hollywood.

then there was Dr. Magic.

Forty-something, slightly greying hair, tan (no fake bakin' for him!), kind hazel eyes, extremely handsome face and a nice body (from what i could tell under the labcoat), with just the hint of brown chest hair poking out from his stylish pink golf shirt. his hands were large and strong looking with the most gorgeous coral and turquoise ring on his finger (not a "traditional" wedding band, this; hmmmmmm). his manner was warm, yet professional and he listened attentively to my "problem" and its history; which was dismissed as being something much more common and unharmful than i'd have thought, with care and tact. he realized that my concerns were my concerns and that to me this was a big deal. everything seemed rosy till he told me he'd like to examine the mysterious prostate.

lemme tellya, there's something slightly disconcerting about a gorgeous man sticking his fingers up your ass while you're bent over a table. now i know what you're thinking, "This isn't exactly uncharted territory, here, CawfeeGuy. What's the big"? well kids, suffice to say, it's been a while; six years actually. but this wasn't a visit for pleasure, it was business, so the snap of the latex glove and flatulent sound of lube quickly dismissed the fleeting feeling of embarassment and massaged my sense of well being. by the time it was over, 30 seconds later, the magic was gone and he was just another guy with a degree poking around under the hood.

the entire office visit lasted less than fifteen minutes and, hopefully, i'll never see Dr. Magic ever again. the feeling of well-being over having a healthy prostate may last forever, but would be occasionally eclipsed by bumping into the man who delivered the good news at Stop N Shop.

okay...so it wasn't that brief, sue me...

Test Day: Holly Hobby

You want to be doing something tangible that matters, and you want to do it with the stuff you have. You're concerned about saving everything, from time to knowledge to stuff, and don't like throwing any of it away.

Our Potentially Ridiculous Hobby Suggestion For You: Glass Etching You'll need glass things (duh), tape, and etching chemicals (available at large craft stores). Tape off designs and paint etching crud on whatever's left, and you'll be the next famous glass artist type.

Your scores: Resourceful 28.04 Creative 20.83 Serious 19.4 Focused 18.4 Motivated 13.23

to be 100% honest, i've always wanted to learn to blow glass. discuss :)

In the Pink

once upon a time*, i was afraid of the color pink. now, i don't mean i would hide when Pink Panther cartoons came on or would cringe from strawberry milkshakes; i mean that at some point i drank the kool-aid that makes kids believe that certain colors are "girls' colors" (which include, but are not limited to, yellow, purple and anything in the pastel family) and certain colors are "boys' colors" (blues, red, brown, green and black). pink is the king (or queen, as it were) of all the girls' colors, and it was well known that for a boy to wear pink was social suicide because it meant all sorts of gender confusion issues that kids are not equipped to deal with. Barbie wore pink. Roses were pink. Bubblegum was pink. Frenchie's hair was pink. if a boy liked pink, he didn't let anyone know, because boys don't like pink.

anyway, by the time i reached HS i'd pretty much stuck to the prescribed boys' colors and made sure that the clothes i didn't pick out myself fit the same criteria. school was easy: the Xaverian uniform only came with three different choices for pants and shirts all of which mixed and matched well and maintained stalwart maleness, and after school i was usually found in blue jeans and a sweatshirt or t-shirt. everything was going well until my Sophomore year, when mom decided to break the rules and bought me the most gorgeous (in an early '90's hideous sorta way) sweater, with the smallest spots of pink threaded throughout (pink that i didn't notice because, well, i'm friggin' colorblind and tend not to notices small threads of light pink on a field of beige and white reminiscent of a Cameo cookie). i made the mistake of wearing this new sweater to school one day and everything was fine; everyone seemed to as oblivious to the pink as i was (or just didn't say anything) until the gym teacher spotted me in the cafeteria and pointed out the...pink elephant...in the room: "Nice sweater; what're you, some kinda faggot"?

well, we all know the answer to that question, now don't we? but, despite the fact that i'd been occasionally sucking cock for the last 2 years, there was no way i was gonna pull a Melissa Etheridge and say Yes, I Am. not in Brooklyn, not in an all boy Catholic High School; hell no. i promptly took the sweater off and never wore it to school again, because only fags wear pink. oh and the other new sweater mom had gotten me? the solid, baby pink, cable knit one? Right back to Caesar's Bay Bazaar with that, mom. no, i will not explain. exchange it for turquoise blue one, please. see, the word blue is in the color's name.

for years, i wouldn't even think of wearing a stitch of pink; even after i had come out to everyone i could think of, so ingrained in my brain was my aversion to the color. "i don't look good in light colors" i would say. or "i'm more of blue person", i'd retort. pink was still an admission that yes indeedy i was a quiche eatin, Cosmo sippin', Bette Davis quotin' 'mo. Cruising the men's room at Sears was one thing, but a pink tie or shirt (no matter how gorgeous) was tantamount to having a pride flag tattooed on your forehead.

this worked very well for a long time until pink became "the new black". straight men were wearing it, gay men were wearing it; everyone was wearing it. it was everywhere, it was hot and i liked it! y'know what? i'm an adult now! if i wanna like pink, who cares? besides whatever they're gonna say about a "guy who wears pink" is true!

so, true to my nature, i waited till about six months after the height of it's popularity; when it was simply "cool" and not "fashion forward", and added it to my severely limited wardrobe (those who know me best will attest that all i really wear is blue or black) in the form of occasional pink shirts or pink ties and lemme tell you, it looks hot.

the other day i had a pink shirt on in the office and a guy remarked, "real men don't wear pink". my only reply was "real men don't care".

*Picture it: Bensonhurst, Brooklyn; the mid-80's.

This Totally Falls Under the Category of TMI (Read at Your Own Risk)

this post is gonna be graphic and blunt, but i feel compelled to write it and "put it out there". consider yourself warned.

about a month ago (actually it'll be a month, tomorrow) i went to the doctor because i was feeling...ill and i began experiencing symptoms which are too personal to even think of mentioning on this blog. suffice to say, they were odd enough to drag my, my usually non-malingering, ass to see Dr. Frank. after a bit of...poking around, Dr. F decided i may have a prostate infection. slightly alarmed (i hear the word prostate and my natural association word is cancer), i asked the usual how/why/where questions. the good doctor suggested that the probable culprit is good old fashioned man-on-man butt sex* and urges us to start wearing condoms** whenever it..comes up; he then prescribed 30 days of Cipro.

fast forward 27 days, to last friday. i'd been asymptomatic for between 2 and 3 weeks and was really excited because i only had 6 pills left! i'd be able to bring my dairy back! i'd be able to drink again! i wouldn't fear being crippled by too deep of a squat while Wii-Fitting. i wouldn't be nauseous! i'd be hungry again! sadly that was not to be. the aforementioned symptoms came back. i called the doctor and saw him on saturday morning.

he took me off the Cipro and is sending me for prostate tests. this time, though, his recommendation is to make the appointment for the tests as early as possible and to make sure that the prostate has been properly stimulated the night before. all that was missing was a prescription for Wet Platinum and the Best of Enigma.


*you should always have "full disclosure" with your primary care physician; if he doesn't know all the facts, he can't help. the fact that mine a friend and co-worker of CawfeeMate is a bonus.
**after a year of monogamy and the required testing we stopped, thinking that all hurdles had been cleared. who knew?

Test Day: Love to Love You, Baby

80% Of The Internet Loves Me!

I am loved by 80% of the population, including: 39347 people who love fat people 84457 people who love men 47127 people who love people who like vegetables In return, I love 88% of the population, including: 12071 star trek fans 37115 tall people 47046 people who wear sweaters

show the love at spacefem.com

Test Day: Anna Graham

Heh-Heh, this is fun! Thanks Bri-the-Pie-Guy!
those in bold are my favorites (and, in case you didn't figure it out, i used my real name).

4891 found. Displaying first 100:
1. A Advancing Plaid
2. Alpaca Divan Ding
3. Alpaca Viand Ding
4. Alpaca And Diving
5. Advancing Ad Pail
6. Advancing Aid Alp
7. Advancing Aid Pal
8. Advancing Aid Lap
9. Advancing Laid Pa
10. Advancing Dial Pa
11. Advancing Paid La
12. Advancing Pad Ail
13. Galvanic Panda Id
14. Galvanic Add Pain
15. Galvanic Dad Pain
16. Galvanic Paid And
17. Apical Adding Van
18. Apical Dang Divan
19. Apical Dang Viand
20. Canal Padding Via
21. Canal David Aping
22. Paladin Caving Ad
23. Naiad Clad Paving
24. Naiad Calving Pad
25. Naiad Clang Vapid
26. Vandal Acid Aping
27. Vandal Acing Paid
28. Vandal Pacing Aid
29. Vandal Cap Aiding
30. Panda Lava Dicing
31. Panda Acid Laving
32. Panda Caviling Ad
33. Panda Lacing Avid
34. Panda Lacing Diva
35. Panda Calving Aid
36. Panda Acing Valid
37. Panda Caving Laid
38. Panda Caving Dial
39. Vaginal Candid Pa
40. Vaginal Panic Add
41. Vaginal Panic Dad
42. Angina Clad Vapid
43. Angina Clap David
44. Vagina Candid Alp
45. Vagina Candid Pal
46. Vagina Candid Lap
47. Vagina Placid And
48. Pagan Cad Invalid
49. Pagan Candid Vial
50. Avail Candid Pang
51. Avail Dancing Pad
52. Avail Can Padding
53. Avian Cladding Pa
54. Avian Placid Dang
55. Avian Placing Add
56. Avian Placing Dad
57. Avian Lac Padding
58. Avian Clap Adding
59. Avian Cap Addling
60. Anal Pacing David
61. Naval Pica Adding
62. Lava Candid Aping
63. Lava Dancing Paid
64. Lava Panic Adding
65. A Advancing Ad Lip
66. A Advancing Lad Pi
67. A Advancing La Dip
68. A Advancing Alp Id
69. A Advancing Pal Id
70. A Advancing Lap Id
71. A Advancing Pa Lid
72. A Galvanic Add Nip
73. A Galvanic Add Pin
74. A Galvanic Dad Nip
75. A Galvanic Dad Pin
76. A Galvanic And Dip
77. A Galvanic Pad Din
78. A Galvanic Pan Did
79. A Galvanic Nap Did
80. A Canal David Ping
81. A Canal Vapid Ding
82. A Canal Pad Diving
83. A Canal Paving Did
84. A Vandal Cad Piing
85. A Vandal Acid Ping
86. A Vandal Acing Dip
87. A Vandal Pacing Id
88. A Vandal Panic Dig
89. A Vandal Pica Ding
90. A Vandal Pad Icing
91. A Vandal Pa Dicing
92. A Panda Cad Living
93. A Panda Calving Id
94. A Panda Caving Lid
95. A Panda Cavil Ding
96. A Panda Lac Diving
97. A Panda Dang Civil
98. A Panda Avid Cling
99. A Panda Diva Cling
100. A Panda Lad Vicing

You've Got Something on Your Lip, Lemme Get That For Ya...

there's an article about this, too...but who can read when the pictures are so damn pretty?

Thanks Bri-the-Pie-Guy.

Briefly: Word Rules

Remember, when you were a kid, you learned that there were certain rules in grammar ("i before e...") and for every rule there were certain exceptions ("...except after c or when sounding like a, as in neighbor and weigh"). they were drilled into your head in the 1st or 2nd grade and then hammered in every so often.

one of the most basic rules, though was pluralization of nouns. if there's more than one of something you stick an s on the end. granted there are certain words for which this does not apply, because they end in y which then becomes an i and s becomes es; you know how it goes. other exceptions are the words which, for whatever reason, don't change when you pluralize them ( ie. deer and moose) or become whole new words (ie. mice and geese).

Lately, though, i've noticed that the rules seem to have changed; the plural for octopus is no longer octopi, it's now octopuses. the plural for fish is no longer fish, it's fishes.

now, i know language is fluid and subject to change over the course of the ages, but when did this happen?

Drone

been busy busy busy working lately; department shake ups mean double the work. should the tide turn, i'll be back to regaling you with witty anecdotes about my trivial existence.

Testing Day: Funny Girl

Your result for The 3 Variable Funny Test...

the Ham

(48% dark, 46% spontaneous, 26% vulgar)

your humor style:
CLEAN SPONTANEOUS LIGHT



Your style's goofy, innocent and feel-good. Perfect for parties and for the dads who chaperone them. You can actually get away with corny jokes, and I bet your sense of humor is a guilty pleasure for your friends. People of your type are often the most approachable and popular people in their circle. Your simple & silly good-naturedness is immediately recognizable, and it sets you apart in this sarcastic world.


PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Will Ferrell - Will Smith





The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -

Take The 3 Variable Funny Test at HelloQuizzy

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

How much do i heart hearing about how fucking crazy right wingers are?

Being CawfeeGuy's Friend Means Being Able to Talk Him Down Off the Ledge Sometimes

(via e-mail)
CawfeeGuy: So the paperwork for the antibiotic I’m on mentions that there is an increased risk of tendonitis and tendon rupture (in all age groups) associated with the drug. Did you catch that? TENDON RUPTURE. Every ache and pain I’m having, I’m convinced, is my leg or arm about to explode and then fall limp.Just thought I’d share.

Magenta Sequins: omg. yeah. I don't read those papers. some say that's stupid to be uninformed when putting drugs into your body. I say ignorance is bliss.

CG: Btw: when I told CawfeeMate I was worried that Wii Fit would cripple me b/c of the antibiotics, he rolled his eyes and told me I was crazy.

MS: ok - you are NOT going to die from Wii Fit. I promise.

Pop Quiz: Butt Pirates

brazenly pilfered from Kevin Rants.

No Wonder

Jenn: That's a great t-shirt!

CawfeeGuy: thanks! i'd been looking for a Wonder Woman shirt that wasn't really girly or feminine, y'know?

Bri-the-Pie-Guy: still looking, huh?

Test Day: Go to HTML

you are darkslateblue #483D8B

Your dominant hue is blue, making you a good friend who people love and trust. You're good in social situations and want to fit in. Just be careful not to compromise who you are to make them happy. Your saturation level is medium - You're not the most decisive go-getter, but you can get a job done when it's required of you. You probably don't think the world can change for you and don't want to spend too much effort trying to force it. Your outlook on life can be bright or dark, depending on the situation. You are flexible and see things objectively.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

For Lady Nil or Gone With the Wind

CawfeeMate: wow, between the sauerkraut and the collard greens, last night, OMG.
CawfeeGuy: um YEAH. I slept with you last night. The beans didn’t help matters either…
CM: Wow, yeah! and the hot dog onions. Shit, I should’ve thought that one through a little bit more, huh?
CG: ROFLMAO i love you.