i truly believe that everyone should be aware of their limitations:
if you're a size 24, perhaps the Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke inspired outfit is not for you. if your voice has been compared to the sound of alley cats mating, maybe you shouldn't audition for American Idol. if you look like Wilfred Brimley or Bob Hoskins, you probably won't make a convincing drag queen. if your level of patience rivals Madonna's acting ability a career in teaching might not suit you as well as you may think.
i am not a patient guy. maybe it stems from being part of the generation brought up with microwaves, instant coffee, and conflict resolution in half an hour (including comercials). maybe it's because i know my own limitations (both mental and physical) and rarely attempt to exceed them. whatever the reason i have little tolerance when it comes to other peoples limitations. where am i going with this?
i am a terrible teacher.
i have no patience to explain things to someone more than once. i have no tolerance for other people's learning styles. i almost can't bear to slow my pace for the sake of another's understanding. it boggles my mind that i can understand how to do something that somebody else can't.
granted, the person in question is new to the department, and (in fact) new to the company. try as i might, i find it nearly impossible to teach him our computer syste, our e-mail system, etc. these things are so elementary to me, that i can't believe that someone can't understand them. i've only shown him a few times, but in my mind he should be able to grasp it. it's terribly unfair, i know, but i can't help it.
i know my limitations.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
When Worlds Collide
this is my life:
so about 2 weeks ago, i posted this on Gay Men Rule.
are you with me? ok, good...
for the last week, Merlin hasn't left my side. he is there when i get to work at 7:15, sits with me all through the day (even at my desk during lunch) and leaves with me at 5. again, i wanna say how sweet and friendly he is. he's also incredibly talkative. he talks continually, the entire time we're together. i don't know how he does it; i stopped listening about 3 days ago. my only saving grace is that i've got the girls at work, with whom i chit-chat throughout the day.
this week, however, Merlin and i are in New Jersey...together..."alone". i don't pal out with people from the other departments, and since there's nobody else there from our department (except for one anti-social supervisor), we're each other's sole source of social interaction. by 8am my well of patience had run dry. i just wanted to teach him and go home. i was hoping he'd stay in the cafeteria for lunch...no such luck. by 4, i'd not gotten up except to go to the printer, and i had to urinate like you wouldn't believe. so i told the supervisor i was running to the john and figured i'd hang out for a breather. alas, no sooner did i unzip my fly, than Merlin slides up to the urinal next to mine and starts talking as though we were in the middle of a conversation.
i wanted to die.
i had no idea how to be casual and conversational, with an overly loquacious co-worker, while palming my junk. i muttered some sort of assent or something and continued with the...matter at hand.
i ask you again...when did this behavior become normal?
so about 2 weeks ago, i posted this on Gay Men Rule.
are you with me? ok, good...
for the last week, Merlin hasn't left my side. he is there when i get to work at 7:15, sits with me all through the day (even at my desk during lunch) and leaves with me at 5. again, i wanna say how sweet and friendly he is. he's also incredibly talkative. he talks continually, the entire time we're together. i don't know how he does it; i stopped listening about 3 days ago. my only saving grace is that i've got the girls at work, with whom i chit-chat throughout the day.
this week, however, Merlin and i are in New Jersey...together..."alone". i don't pal out with people from the other departments, and since there's nobody else there from our department (except for one anti-social supervisor), we're each other's sole source of social interaction. by 8am my well of patience had run dry. i just wanted to teach him and go home. i was hoping he'd stay in the cafeteria for lunch...no such luck. by 4, i'd not gotten up except to go to the printer, and i had to urinate like you wouldn't believe. so i told the supervisor i was running to the john and figured i'd hang out for a breather. alas, no sooner did i unzip my fly, than Merlin slides up to the urinal next to mine and starts talking as though we were in the middle of a conversation.
i wanted to die.
i had no idea how to be casual and conversational, with an overly loquacious co-worker, while palming my junk. i muttered some sort of assent or something and continued with the...matter at hand.
i ask you again...when did this behavior become normal?
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Francesca Angelica 4
My brother called me last night and asked if we were free; he wanted us to come over for dinner. the major selling point for the evening was when he said i'd have unlimited time with this little lady:
Friday, January 26, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Reason #488 Why I Love New York...
just when you think your day has been too busy and uneventful (because you've been training a new employee) to write a blog, the Universe hands you a post on a silver platter:i was walking up the ramp, from the F train, at 34th and 6th avenue when i see a 10 year old boy, with one leg, metallic blue crutches and one rollerblade flying down the ramp, in total control of his speed and trajectory.
where else but in New York could you see that?
“I miss New York. I still love how people talk to you on the street - just assault you and tell you what they think of your jacket.”~ Madonna
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
TNG 2.0: Abracadabra
yup. i've got another guy to train to do my job. just like the last time, his training...his very presence...fills me with a certain sense of uneasiness and trepidation. call me paranoid, but my 1st thought is that i am training my replacement.now, logically, i know this isn't the case. i'm good at my job and my managers/supervisors all know it. i'm efficient and accurate, punctual and have only called in sick once. i'm pretty sure my job is safe, but y'never know...
anyway, back to the NEW new guy who we'll call Merlin because...well...his side job is Stage Magician. i kid you not.
he's very sweet and, i'm starting to suspect, might be very mildly retarded. he worked at another brokerage firm before this one and did the same job i'm doing now...more or less...so that shows you exactly how much brains it takes. in the plus column, he's catching on a helluvalot quicker than the other New Guy i attempted to train (click on the label below for a full rundown), who sits two desks away from me; doing the job i was promised. i bear him i no malice though, as he sits right next to Cunty, and i'm pretty sure that if i was in his place i'd smash her fingers in a desk drawer. also, Merlin seems able to type with most of his fingers, though not all. that's already light years ahead of TNG.
my hope is that Merlin really grasps the ins and outs of my desk quickly. i really don't think that i have the strength to train a third person. also, if this one doesn't work out i think the bosses will start to question my ability to teach...
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Better Latte` then Never
everyone likes to know that the gifts they buy are loved and appreciated, 
right?
i, however, have created a monster.
i thought i had bought a thoughtful and charming Christmas gift, but in reality i purchased the Mercedes of addiction enabling devices; a Tiffany platinum coke spoon or a Swarovski silver crystal bong.
ladies, gentlemen (and all those in between): Stephen is a Stovetop Cappuccino Addict.
every night, after dinner, he needs a cappuccino; if he doesn't have one, he gets ornery and bit huff; occasionally he gets twitchy. if that's not the harbinger of an addiction, i don't know what is. not that i'm one to talk. i am, after all, the CawfeeGuy.
usually, i have two or three cups of fairly decent coffee at work. years of working retail and leaving my cup at the register, has made me indifferent to cold coffee, so i tend to nurse my two -to-three cups over the whole day (much to the chagrin of my co-workers). Outside of work, i rarely drink anything but coffee: dark, strong, sweet coffee. the kinda coffee that could (conceivably) wear the paint off a classic Buick and is reputed to put hair on one's chest. therefore, the only negative thing i can say about the Mukka Express is that it doesn't allow for a stronger cappuccino. the cappuccino it makes is light and sweet; like the coffee mom served me when i was 6 or 7. because of my penchant for strong coffee, there are times when i need to pass on the Mukka's "coffee lite". however, since it makes two cups of cappuccino, Stephen has taken to imbibing both.
this wouldn't be noteworthy except that dinner is usually 2 hours before we go to bed and by the time we settle down for the night he's now a different kinda twitchy...and chatty...he gets very chatty when he drinks alot of coffee. it's actually kinda cute...except that while he's being all adorably twitchy and chatty, i'm all lie-down-y and sleepy.
so yeah... i've created a monster:
a handsome, sexy, twitchy and chatty monster, but a monster nonetheless.
Dr. Jekyll and Mister Coffee.
right?i, however, have created a monster.
i thought i had bought a thoughtful and charming Christmas gift, but in reality i purchased the Mercedes of addiction enabling devices; a Tiffany platinum coke spoon or a Swarovski silver crystal bong.
ladies, gentlemen (and all those in between): Stephen is a Stovetop Cappuccino Addict.
every night, after dinner, he needs a cappuccino; if he doesn't have one, he gets ornery and bit huff; occasionally he gets twitchy. if that's not the harbinger of an addiction, i don't know what is. not that i'm one to talk. i am, after all, the CawfeeGuy.
usually, i have two or three cups of fairly decent coffee at work. years of working retail and leaving my cup at the register, has made me indifferent to cold coffee, so i tend to nurse my two -to-three cups over the whole day (much to the chagrin of my co-workers). Outside of work, i rarely drink anything but coffee: dark, strong, sweet coffee. the kinda coffee that could (conceivably) wear the paint off a classic Buick and is reputed to put hair on one's chest. therefore, the only negative thing i can say about the Mukka Express is that it doesn't allow for a stronger cappuccino. the cappuccino it makes is light and sweet; like the coffee mom served me when i was 6 or 7. because of my penchant for strong coffee, there are times when i need to pass on the Mukka's "coffee lite". however, since it makes two cups of cappuccino, Stephen has taken to imbibing both.
this wouldn't be noteworthy except that dinner is usually 2 hours before we go to bed and by the time we settle down for the night he's now a different kinda twitchy...and chatty...he gets very chatty when he drinks alot of coffee. it's actually kinda cute...except that while he's being all adorably twitchy and chatty, i'm all lie-down-y and sleepy.
so yeah... i've created a monster:
a handsome, sexy, twitchy and chatty monster, but a monster nonetheless.
Dr. Jekyll and Mister Coffee.
Monday, January 22, 2007
You Snooze...
i miss napping.
back in my single-digit years, i'd every so often, i'd come home from a hard day of 3rd grade and take a quick snooze, in between finishing my homework and before we sat down for dinner(mom was very adamant that homework was done prior to anything else, after school). it would only be for an hour or two, but i'd wake up and feel refreshed bright-eyed. this may explain why, as a kid, i never slept at night despite my 8:00 bedtime. the occasional post-class nap continued into high school (when my self-imposed bedtime rose to10pm), and even into college. the Xaverian high school and St. John's University libraries were the perfect spots to catch a quick one in between classes, since the former was rarely occupied and the latter was incredibly quiet and had wonderfully comfortable chairs and private cubicles. naturally, i don't consider all the times i fell asleep during Sociology or Ancient Philosphy as "naps".
after college, though, all opportunities for napping ceased. in fact, on the rare opportunity that i could take a nap, it wasn't restful or refreshing at all. nowadaysi wake up from a quick slumber on the express bus feeling disoriented and even more tired than before i fell asleep! truthfully, despite being tired all the time, i feel like napping is a luxury i can't afford. when i'm awake, i'm doing something, either i'm working or reading or doing something at home. if i was home today and had an "hour to spare", i'd probably spend it cleaning the bathroom or bringing the boxes of Christmas decorations, that have been sitting in our bedroom for the last week, up to the storage closet in the loft. i feel guilty if i sleep later than 9am, 'cause it feels like the whole day is gone.
when did this happen? when did sleep become such a valuable commodity?
back in my single-digit years, i'd every so often, i'd come home from a hard day of 3rd grade and take a quick snooze, in between finishing my homework and before we sat down for dinner(mom was very adamant that homework was done prior to anything else, after school). it would only be for an hour or two, but i'd wake up and feel refreshed bright-eyed. this may explain why, as a kid, i never slept at night despite my 8:00 bedtime. the occasional post-class nap continued into high school (when my self-imposed bedtime rose to10pm), and even into college. the Xaverian high school and St. John's University libraries were the perfect spots to catch a quick one in between classes, since the former was rarely occupied and the latter was incredibly quiet and had wonderfully comfortable chairs and private cubicles. naturally, i don't consider all the times i fell asleep during Sociology or Ancient Philosphy as "naps".
after college, though, all opportunities for napping ceased. in fact, on the rare opportunity that i could take a nap, it wasn't restful or refreshing at all. nowadaysi wake up from a quick slumber on the express bus feeling disoriented and even more tired than before i fell asleep! truthfully, despite being tired all the time, i feel like napping is a luxury i can't afford. when i'm awake, i'm doing something, either i'm working or reading or doing something at home. if i was home today and had an "hour to spare", i'd probably spend it cleaning the bathroom or bringing the boxes of Christmas decorations, that have been sitting in our bedroom for the last week, up to the storage closet in the loft. i feel guilty if i sleep later than 9am, 'cause it feels like the whole day is gone.
when did this happen? when did sleep become such a valuable commodity?
When Life Hands You Lemons Pt. 2: Curiouser and Curiouser
so...yeah...i came into work this morning and now i can blog again.
how kooky is that?
the "crisis" has been averted. i can now resume my life.
how kooky is that?
the "crisis" has been averted. i can now resume my life.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Yoga Bear Pt. 2: Feel the Burn
last night, stephen and i visited a wonderful lesbian couple on Long Island. over dinner, we got to discussing yoga. both of the ladies agreed how much they enjoyed practicing yoga; after they finish, they "always feel great"; both "energized" and "centered". this is not the 1st time i've heard people tell me how wonderful and charged they feel post-yoga.are they fucking kidding me?
we just finished another yoga session and i feel like i wanna die. my legs hurt, my arms hurt, my wrists hurt, my butt-cheeks hurt, hell even my ear hurts. i've got agita (that's heartburn for you non-italians) like you would not believe (we have got to stop eating before we exercise) and i'm schvitzing like a pudding at a picnic.
clearly, someone is doing something wrong.
either i'm practicing the wrong kinda yoga or these people are spiking their water bottles with Ecstasy. i'll be perfectly honest, i don't even know what "centered" even means.
i do know that "energetic" is the furthest thing from what i'm feeling.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Francesca Angelica 3
Here's another two phone pics from last night, at my mom's birthday dinner. isn't this kid a beaut? i finally saw her with her eyes open! btw: at barely a week old, the kid's already got a nickname which she'll keep for the rest of her life: Frangelica! can you stand it?
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Ring-a-Ding-Ding
I’m not gonna quibble over the semantics of the word “married” versus “committed” or “domestically partnered”; for all intents and purposes, on October 6th I will become a Sadie*.
Five years ago, the idea that I’d be getting married seemed like an impossibility. It was a very nice dream to have, but that’s all it was: a dream. Sure, Sh-thead and I talked about “forever” but after the 1st couple of months I could barely stand being around him for more than a couple of hours. It was apparent that our “forever” actually meant “till one of us smothered the other in his sleep”. When he and I were over, I went back to my old tricks. A creature of habit, I fell back into the same behavior I’d displayed whenever a relationship didn’t work out: I hooked up with whomever, whenever, wherever. I knew that I didn’t want to be in a relationship; that I wasn’t really ready to settle down with someone again, for fear that they’d turn out to be a liar or a jerk like Sh-thead was. Gradually, I fell into that dark place where I was sure that there was nobody out there for me; that I’d be alone for the rest of my life, cruising and slutting around till I died in my 80’s. It was all very melodramatic and “Miss Havisham Meets Belle Watling**” and incredibly internalized (I don’t think I ever shared those feelings with anyone, but my closest friends)..
Now, don’t go and think that CawfeeMate was the Gay Messiah that saved me from a life of self-pity and licentiousness; when we 1st started talking online, I was on a downward arc. I’d actually had enough of one night stands and was ready to get back in the game of dating. I’d went out with a couple of other guys with whom there was no “spark”; they were nice enough, but didn’t have it. then CawfeeMate and I started talking online and he tried everything he could to convince me that I wouldn’t like him. Not one to have his mind made up for him (and completely enamored by his picture), I told him that I was very open minded and would reserve all judgment till we met (in truth, I figured that at the very least I’d go our for dinner and make out with a hot guy). The rest is history: like one of the old ladies said in When Harry Met Sally,” you know; the way you know about a good melon”. I knew right away that he was “next boyfriend” and assumed that we’d be together till he realized what a loser I was (with my mall job and dank apartment). It wasn’t till later on that I knew he was the “last boyfriend”.
I don’t know how it happened, but I’ve gone through a lot of changes since we’re together. I miss hanging out in clubs and bars till the small hours, but not as much as I thought I would. It’s same thing with my job in retail; not that there’s anything to miss about retail. It’s amazing that something that was such a part of your life for so long could be so easily replaced. My point is that it’s starling how much your life can change in a few years, especially when you’re not expecting it to change or never thought that it could change. I guess what I mean is that even though I look back on my past and both smile and groan, the ide of my…our…future makes me both excited and nervous; like Christmas morning. If my life has changed this much in the last 3 years, what’s going to happen in the next 3? Or 30?
Whatever happens, I just hope CawfeeMate never comes to his senses…
*if this reference is completely lost on you, please refer to your Gay Manual’s chapter on Funny Girl.
**see the chapter on Gone With the Wind
Five years ago, the idea that I’d be getting married seemed like an impossibility. It was a very nice dream to have, but that’s all it was: a dream. Sure, Sh-thead and I talked about “forever” but after the 1st couple of months I could barely stand being around him for more than a couple of hours. It was apparent that our “forever” actually meant “till one of us smothered the other in his sleep”. When he and I were over, I went back to my old tricks. A creature of habit, I fell back into the same behavior I’d displayed whenever a relationship didn’t work out: I hooked up with whomever, whenever, wherever. I knew that I didn’t want to be in a relationship; that I wasn’t really ready to settle down with someone again, for fear that they’d turn out to be a liar or a jerk like Sh-thead was. Gradually, I fell into that dark place where I was sure that there was nobody out there for me; that I’d be alone for the rest of my life, cruising and slutting around till I died in my 80’s. It was all very melodramatic and “Miss Havisham Meets Belle Watling**” and incredibly internalized (I don’t think I ever shared those feelings with anyone, but my closest friends)..
Now, don’t go and think that CawfeeMate was the Gay Messiah that saved me from a life of self-pity and licentiousness; when we 1st started talking online, I was on a downward arc. I’d actually had enough of one night stands and was ready to get back in the game of dating. I’d went out with a couple of other guys with whom there was no “spark”; they were nice enough, but didn’t have it. then CawfeeMate and I started talking online and he tried everything he could to convince me that I wouldn’t like him. Not one to have his mind made up for him (and completely enamored by his picture), I told him that I was very open minded and would reserve all judgment till we met (in truth, I figured that at the very least I’d go our for dinner and make out with a hot guy). The rest is history: like one of the old ladies said in When Harry Met Sally,” you know; the way you know about a good melon”. I knew right away that he was “next boyfriend” and assumed that we’d be together till he realized what a loser I was (with my mall job and dank apartment). It wasn’t till later on that I knew he was the “last boyfriend”.
I don’t know how it happened, but I’ve gone through a lot of changes since we’re together. I miss hanging out in clubs and bars till the small hours, but not as much as I thought I would. It’s same thing with my job in retail; not that there’s anything to miss about retail. It’s amazing that something that was such a part of your life for so long could be so easily replaced. My point is that it’s starling how much your life can change in a few years, especially when you’re not expecting it to change or never thought that it could change. I guess what I mean is that even though I look back on my past and both smile and groan, the ide of my…our…future makes me both excited and nervous; like Christmas morning. If my life has changed this much in the last 3 years, what’s going to happen in the next 3? Or 30?
Whatever happens, I just hope CawfeeMate never comes to his senses…
*if this reference is completely lost on you, please refer to your Gay Manual’s chapter on Funny Girl.
**see the chapter on Gone With the Wind
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
a Rose is a Rose is a Rose is a Rose
Well we can scratch off another thing off the Wedding list!
CelebrantHallDJPhotographerFlorist/Centerpieces- Limo
- Tuxes
- Favors
Honeymoon
This past weekend, upon John’s recommendation, Stephen and I found a florist: Evergreen, located minutes away from our house and owned by the sweetest gay guy. I know him from somewhere, but I’ll be damned if I can remember where (and no, I didn’t sleep with him).
He gave us a nice price for 2 bouquets (for our...groomsmaids?), 6 boutonnieres (2 for us, 2 for our dads and 2 for the groomsmen), 2 corsages (for our moms), 10 centerpieces and 2 “altarpieces”. At least I think it was a nice price. Honestly I’m not really sure how the whole flower game works. Of all the things that we have been looking at, we both agreed that the flowers were lowest on our list of priorities. Our motto is “keep it simple and color-coordinated”. My only real concern is over our boutonnieres; I want something different. Rob, the florist, had a book with a couple of interesting/creative/classy looking samples. Sadly, i can’t remember the name of any of the flowers. I do recall that the centerpieces will be mostly Stargazer Lilies Gerber Daisies and red spray roses, as will the ladies' bouquets.
Excited? Me too.
I’m just looking forward to cake shopping...and tux hunting...
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
When Life Hands You Lemons...
You pout and scowl and throw a mini-tantrum worthy of your 10 year old niece, then calmly evaluate the situation: The IT department as gotten wise to you blogging at work and have subsequently blocked the Blog-editing-page from the internet profile that you’re “borrowing”. You can’t write blog entries, you can’t hit your beloved “Next Blog” button, you can’t even post comments on other people’s blogs.
You then evaluate your options:
1. Switch to another blog server like WordPress. This is made slightly more convenient by your very recent acquisition of a WordPress account, solely to be part of the multi-author Gay Men Rule blog. However, this presents several problems like What about all the hours you’ve devoted to your Blogger blog? Can one switch over an entire blog (240 posts)? Not a very tempting option, is it?
2. Write your blog entries throughout the day and e-mail them to yourself at home. Edit e-mails and post your pictures while watching Buffy, Angel, Justice League and/or the Golden Girls. Yeah…that sounds like a good idea.
We’ll see how long it lasts, till I get terribly frustrated and start posting solely on WordPress. And since Blogger seems to be terribly un-coporative, that may be sooner than i think...
1. Switch to another blog server like WordPress. This is made slightly more convenient by your very recent acquisition of a WordPress account, solely to be part of the multi-author Gay Men Rule blog. However, this presents several problems like What about all the hours you’ve devoted to your Blogger blog? Can one switch over an entire blog (240 posts)? Not a very tempting option, is it?
2. Write your blog entries throughout the day and e-mail them to yourself at home. Edit e-mails and post your pictures while watching Buffy, Angel, Justice League and/or the Golden Girls. Yeah…that sounds like a good idea.
We’ll see how long it lasts, till I get terribly frustrated and start posting solely on WordPress. And since Blogger seems to be terribly un-coporative, that may be sooner than i think...
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Francesca Angelica 2
Yoga Bear
that's me. or, to be slightly more accurate: Yoga Cub (i've got at least 10 years till i reach Bear-hood, right?). last week, in light of my New Year's resolution to get in shape for the wedding, and after dismissing several other "workout options" i decided to take Stephen up on his offer to practice yoga. of all the other options (weight training, running, walking) it seemed the least...intrusive and offered the lowest possibility for public embarassment; it also meant that i could do it in my pajamas. now, he's been practicing on-and-off for years, so i was a bit hesitant to practice with him. like most people, i have alot of preconceived notions about yoga, similar to my notions about Feng Shui, aroma-therapy and macrobiotic dieting: it's all New Age, Spirtualistic hoo-ha. i roll my eyes and scoff openly at expressions like "regulating bodily humors" and "balancing my internal energy". Stephen assured me that i didn't have to "believe" in anything to benefit from it, which suited me just fine. the real selling point was when he said i could listen to whatever music i wanted to. crank up Blondie and haul out the mat.
now, in case you don't actually know me, let me tell you right now: i hate exercise. i was that kid in grammar school and high school that actively sought ways to avoid gym class and organized sporting events. in fact, in high school, i actually failed gym one quarter because i had "forgotten" my uniform too many times. i changed the F to a P on my report card so mom wouldn't find out. mom, if you're reading this i'm sorry but the idea of Dodge ball was too much for a fat freshman to take. not much has changed since then, i occasionally take the stairs to get to the cafeteria at work, but the majority of my day i spent in as sedintary position as possible. anyway...
Stephen started off very slowly with me, introducing the various poses and helping me get acquainted with how they're supposed to make my body feel. Child's pose, downward dog, upward dog, up-plank, down-plank, rag doll, half bend and mountain pose. by the time i was done, i was sweating like a blonde at the SATs. i had used muscles in my legs i didn't know i had and felt burning in parts of my body that i knew couldn't be healthy. after the breathe and repeat, i wanted to die, but i went through it again. Twenty minutes later, the "workout" was over. Stephen told me he was proud of me. now don't think he was being condescending, 'cause to tell the truth, i was proud of me. knowing my general abhorance to physical activity and exertion, getting off the couch was a major step. we agreed to practice at least three times a week, after work on week days and in the morning on Saturdays.
i'll admit, we only practiced once this week, but only because we were running back and forth to the hospital...it's not an excuse, it's life. i'm still a little nervous about advancing beyond the poses (postures?) we've done so far. he's shown me a couple of new ones, and had me in them earlier today and they just plain hurt. i'm still a little sore and weak in the knees. i'm confidant, though that with his help and assurance that one doesn't have to be "perfect" i'll be fine.
plus after every workout, i get a kiss from my instructor. how many people can say that?
now, in case you don't actually know me, let me tell you right now: i hate exercise. i was that kid in grammar school and high school that actively sought ways to avoid gym class and organized sporting events. in fact, in high school, i actually failed gym one quarter because i had "forgotten" my uniform too many times. i changed the F to a P on my report card so mom wouldn't find out. mom, if you're reading this i'm sorry but the idea of Dodge ball was too much for a fat freshman to take. not much has changed since then, i occasionally take the stairs to get to the cafeteria at work, but the majority of my day i spent in as sedintary position as possible. anyway...
Stephen started off very slowly with me, introducing the various poses and helping me get acquainted with how they're supposed to make my body feel. Child's pose, downward dog, upward dog, up-plank, down-plank, rag doll, half bend and mountain pose. by the time i was done, i was sweating like a blonde at the SATs. i had used muscles in my legs i didn't know i had and felt burning in parts of my body that i knew couldn't be healthy. after the breathe and repeat, i wanted to die, but i went through it again. Twenty minutes later, the "workout" was over. Stephen told me he was proud of me. now don't think he was being condescending, 'cause to tell the truth, i was proud of me. knowing my general abhorance to physical activity and exertion, getting off the couch was a major step. we agreed to practice at least three times a week, after work on week days and in the morning on Saturdays.
i'll admit, we only practiced once this week, but only because we were running back and forth to the hospital...it's not an excuse, it's life. i'm still a little nervous about advancing beyond the poses (postures?) we've done so far. he's shown me a couple of new ones, and had me in them earlier today and they just plain hurt. i'm still a little sore and weak in the knees. i'm confidant, though that with his help and assurance that one doesn't have to be "perfect" i'll be fine.
plus after every workout, i get a kiss from my instructor. how many people can say that?
Friday, January 12, 2007
Goodbye Old Girl 2: the Democratic Response
who knew she read my blog? i received this e-mail shortly after posting...
(one name was changed to ____, the rest remains unchanged):
i suppose now I must tell you how I feel since it seems I've never done that before. When I saw you the other night, nothing was "feigned" when I expressed my happiness to you about becoming and uncle and about your wedding plans. I am very happy for you for many reasons, most of which have to do with knowing you before you met Stephen and ever thought that you would find your true love. I love the fact that you have achieved "it". I wish you every happiness in the world and then some.
I'm glad your blog was brought to my attention; sort of like reading someone's diary. What you have written was hurtful but then again, truth hurts sometimes. I accept full responsibility for my failings as a friend and for the state of my life right now. I heard all the warnings and ignored them because I thought I could figure things out for myself. I continue to do so but I do with only those that have been my friends for most of my life. I'm sorry for the friends that feel I turned my back on them; I guess the friends that I am with are the ones that never make me feel judged even when I am wrong. I've always tried to be that type of friend where I am friends with someone no matter what they do in their lives.
The only other thing that I would like to comment on is this; the fact that you think I never really liked Stephen; in the beginning, there were others that didnt really like him either but do you know what I based my fact on NOT liking him on? Clam strips; that was my reason. Ask ____, Im sure he can explain. I could but at this point it doesnt matter.
So, I am not faking my happiness for you and Stephen; you both deserve it and I wish you well.
Naturally, i replied but i won't bore you with such childishness.
(one name was changed to ____, the rest remains unchanged):
i suppose now I must tell you how I feel since it seems I've never done that before. When I saw you the other night, nothing was "feigned" when I expressed my happiness to you about becoming and uncle and about your wedding plans. I am very happy for you for many reasons, most of which have to do with knowing you before you met Stephen and ever thought that you would find your true love. I love the fact that you have achieved "it". I wish you every happiness in the world and then some.
I'm glad your blog was brought to my attention; sort of like reading someone's diary. What you have written was hurtful but then again, truth hurts sometimes. I accept full responsibility for my failings as a friend and for the state of my life right now. I heard all the warnings and ignored them because I thought I could figure things out for myself. I continue to do so but I do with only those that have been my friends for most of my life. I'm sorry for the friends that feel I turned my back on them; I guess the friends that I am with are the ones that never make me feel judged even when I am wrong. I've always tried to be that type of friend where I am friends with someone no matter what they do in their lives.
The only other thing that I would like to comment on is this; the fact that you think I never really liked Stephen; in the beginning, there were others that didnt really like him either but do you know what I based my fact on NOT liking him on? Clam strips; that was my reason. Ask ____, Im sure he can explain. I could but at this point it doesnt matter.
So, I am not faking my happiness for you and Stephen; you both deserve it and I wish you well.
Naturally, i replied but i won't bore you with such childishness.
Goodbye Old Girl
once upon a time, i was an AOL whore. Staten Island had (and probably still has) an M4M chatroom. i'd sit online, for hours at a time, talking with all the (other) SI closet cases. one night i got an IM from someone new; this person didn't have a profile but commented that they liked mine. we got to talking and it turned out that this person wasn't, in fact an M looking 4 an M, but was a married mother of three; a fag hag. we really hit it off, as most fags and hags do, and chatted for a while. this went on for a very long time; at this point in my life, i wasn't out to my parents and really valued the "adult perspective" on my life. she was fun, funny and very easily shocked by my tales of ribaldry and promiscuity.
at some point we started meeting up for coffee and eventually she introduced me to her friends and i introduced her to a couple of mine. more often than not, we would hang out at her house with her kids (who were around our age), in a sort of Poker Night Without the Cards type setting; drinking coffee, eating Entemans and trading war stories. it really was alot of fun and we became like a new sort of family; we each posessed somehting that none of the others did (wisdom, sensitivity, insights, etc), and we shared it amongst each other. we talked about our relationships and one-night-stands (she was still easily shocked and posessed an almost unreal naivete about such things) and held each other through break-ups and the usual dramas of the Life. then one day, something changed...
seeming over night, Mamala (for that is what i had come to call her since she was incredibly maternal), disappeared. she had begun to hang out with a completely clique of fags, that she had met online during one of her "membership drives" in the SI M4M room. our visits were few and far in between; calls went un-returned and e-mails un-answered. when we did get to see her, she gushed about her new good friend, with whom she was spending alot of time: a butch lesbian cokehead/partygirl. the more she described their friendship, the more it became obvious that it was going to wind up as more than a friendship. we warned her against becoming involved, but it fell on deaf ears. a couple of months later, she admitted that they had been having a sort of mini-affair. we didnt' judge (we'd all been "the other woman" at some point), but tried to support her in this new development. she shut us out and refused to talk about her...changes.
fast forward almost a year later: the mini-affair is over (Party Lez is unstable, controling and scary), enter a different butch lesbian (far butcher) and let the actual affair begin. again, we told her to watch her back. we didn't judge we were as supportive as she would let us be. the problem was she wasn't giving us any info. we knew they were involved, but we didn't know how she felt. she refused to tell us how she was feeling and denied all emotional support. eventually, she completely slipped away. all news about her marriage and her relationship and her children were gotten second and third hand. it was clear though that Butch Lez was...is... far more unstable and controling than Party Lez was. through the grapevine, it became very apparent that Mamala was incredibly unhappy. again, we tried to reach out to her, to no avail. we were finally on the outside. the nail in the coffin was finally driven when she failed to acknowledge one of our group's cross-country move (no phone call, no e-mail). i broke months of non-communication and called her to tell her how upset i was at her behavior. days later she called back to say that she didn't want to talk about it. after a couple of minutes of meaningless chit chat i hung up. after some thought, i wrote her an e-mail wishing her well but telling her that i would no longer attempt to contact her; our friendship had lapsed beyond repair.
throughout her change, i talked about it with Stephen. being an "outsider" he had the unique and wholly un-biased view that in all the years of our friendship with her, Mamala never actually gave of herself; in short we (her "kids") did all the talking and she just reacted. we never learned anything more about her than she wanted us to. as usual, he was right.
Stephen and i saw her the other night at the diner (with Butch Lez). she congratulated me on becoming an uncle again and feigned excitement about the wedding plans (she had once confided in several people that she didn't like Stephen). after a slightly awkward silence, i asked how she was doing. her response was "Don't ask". i just rolled my eyes, said goodnight and we walked away.
i finally got it: the next time i see her, i'm not going to ask.
i stopped caring.
"And then I found out/That there was nothing I could know or guess about you/You'd go as far as you could go/And it took me years to figure out/That there was nothing I could give to you/And years to figure out/That there was nothing you would take from me/And how can I describe/The way you slowly took my hope away/And all of the timeI thought I knew you"~ I Thought I Knew You (Mathew Sweet)
at some point we started meeting up for coffee and eventually she introduced me to her friends and i introduced her to a couple of mine. more often than not, we would hang out at her house with her kids (who were around our age), in a sort of Poker Night Without the Cards type setting; drinking coffee, eating Entemans and trading war stories. it really was alot of fun and we became like a new sort of family; we each posessed somehting that none of the others did (wisdom, sensitivity, insights, etc), and we shared it amongst each other. we talked about our relationships and one-night-stands (she was still easily shocked and posessed an almost unreal naivete about such things) and held each other through break-ups and the usual dramas of the Life. then one day, something changed...
seeming over night, Mamala (for that is what i had come to call her since she was incredibly maternal), disappeared. she had begun to hang out with a completely clique of fags, that she had met online during one of her "membership drives" in the SI M4M room. our visits were few and far in between; calls went un-returned and e-mails un-answered. when we did get to see her, she gushed about her new good friend, with whom she was spending alot of time: a butch lesbian cokehead/partygirl. the more she described their friendship, the more it became obvious that it was going to wind up as more than a friendship. we warned her against becoming involved, but it fell on deaf ears. a couple of months later, she admitted that they had been having a sort of mini-affair. we didnt' judge (we'd all been "the other woman" at some point), but tried to support her in this new development. she shut us out and refused to talk about her...changes.
fast forward almost a year later: the mini-affair is over (Party Lez is unstable, controling and scary), enter a different butch lesbian (far butcher) and let the actual affair begin. again, we told her to watch her back. we didn't judge we were as supportive as she would let us be. the problem was she wasn't giving us any info. we knew they were involved, but we didn't know how she felt. she refused to tell us how she was feeling and denied all emotional support. eventually, she completely slipped away. all news about her marriage and her relationship and her children were gotten second and third hand. it was clear though that Butch Lez was...is... far more unstable and controling than Party Lez was. through the grapevine, it became very apparent that Mamala was incredibly unhappy. again, we tried to reach out to her, to no avail. we were finally on the outside. the nail in the coffin was finally driven when she failed to acknowledge one of our group's cross-country move (no phone call, no e-mail). i broke months of non-communication and called her to tell her how upset i was at her behavior. days later she called back to say that she didn't want to talk about it. after a couple of minutes of meaningless chit chat i hung up. after some thought, i wrote her an e-mail wishing her well but telling her that i would no longer attempt to contact her; our friendship had lapsed beyond repair.
throughout her change, i talked about it with Stephen. being an "outsider" he had the unique and wholly un-biased view that in all the years of our friendship with her, Mamala never actually gave of herself; in short we (her "kids") did all the talking and she just reacted. we never learned anything more about her than she wanted us to. as usual, he was right.
Stephen and i saw her the other night at the diner (with Butch Lez). she congratulated me on becoming an uncle again and feigned excitement about the wedding plans (she had once confided in several people that she didn't like Stephen). after a slightly awkward silence, i asked how she was doing. her response was "Don't ask". i just rolled my eyes, said goodnight and we walked away.
i finally got it: the next time i see her, i'm not going to ask.
i stopped caring.
"And then I found out/That there was nothing I could know or guess about you/You'd go as far as you could go/And it took me years to figure out/That there was nothing I could give to you/And years to figure out/That there was nothing you would take from me/And how can I describe/The way you slowly took my hope away/And all of the timeI thought I knew you"~ I Thought I Knew You (Mathew Sweet)
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Francesca Angelica
Here she is folks! i know it's a bit...dark...but it's from my mom's cell phone (ain't no nasty-ass nurse gonna tell Grandma not to take a picture **2 snaps**). do you see all that hair!?! it's truly amazing.
she and her mom should be coming home from the hospital today, so expect more pictures tomorrow.
"They should've named her Italiana Florenza Bada Bing Boom Botz lol"~ John
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Sing Out, Louise! (Updated Throughout the Day)
that's the title of my most recent 597 song playlist on Baby Blue. it's all (or most of) the songs i have on him that are Sing-Along worthy. yup i'm that guy you see flying down the New Jersey Turnpike belting at the top of my voice, mouth wide open, looking like an American Idol reject. Every song has a story and a special meaning to me, so instead of a "real" post (i'm still a little out of it from yesterday), i'm just going to give you a random sampling of the playlist, with my thoughts...
Paper Moon (Natalie Cole): this song always reminds me of that scene in Funny Lady where Barbra meets James Caan at the 1st rehearsal of his revue. my mom had Natalie's Unforgetable album on cassette when i was in grammar school; it's where i really learned to appreciate standards and vocal jazz.
Let Me Entertain You (Carol Burnett): did you know Carol Burnett sings? me neither! i found a cd at the library called Carol Burnett Sings! it's phenomonal, packed with old showtunes and Carol's big brassy belting! this song is worth listening to, 'cause at the end she starts to ad lib and uses the expression wingding. can you stand it?!
Another Hundred People (Company: Original Broadway Cast): god, i love Sondheim. this song always reminds me of my friend Kevin whom i've not seen in forever...
Wannabe (the Spice Girls): c'mon you know that you know the words. which Spice Girl are you?
Jealousy (Liz Phair): she really is the Parker Posey of pop music. what a brilliant lyricist and musician ("Imagine me behind your eyes/what did i see/ i saw hips i saw thighs/ i saw secret positions that we never tried/ i saw jealousy/ i can't believe you had a life before me/ i can't believe they let you run around free/ just pointing your body wherever it seemed/ like a good idea").
Faith (George Michael): i actually won this album on vinyl from a radio station (along with a Swatch), when i was in grammar school! do you remember the SNL skit they did with Dana Carvey as George Michael on Weekend Update? i still chuckle about that...
One Song Glory (Rent: Original Broadway Cast): 1st time i heard the OCR for Rent i was at MS's house on New Years Day, 100 years ago (i think we were both in college). she totally got me into this show and took me to see it shortly thereafter.
I Know Thing Now (Into the Woods: Original Broadway Cast): yup...love that Sondheim! another show i've been listening to forever; ever since i saw it on PBS with Bernadette Peters as the witch.
24 Hours From Tulsa (Dusty Springfield): this song is so John! it's all about the background singers in the last 3 seconds. of course it's also all about the lyrics and Dusty's plaintive singing...but it's mostly about the bacground singers "oooh"-ing.
Defying Gravity (Wicked: Original Broadway Cast): 1st saw this at Musical Mondays at Splash; totally gave me chills. i couldn't believe that Elphie was Maureen from Rent. i've read the book a few times; the whole show blows me away.
Tonight I Say a Prayer (Eydie Gorme): i really have an affinity for big belters. this chick has pipes like a church organ!
Love For Sale (Ella Fitzgerald): her voice is like warm caramel, and i've always been a big fan of Cole Porter. this is 7 minutes of fabulousness that doesn't involve a house beat.
If You Don't See What You Want Up Here (the Four Divas): i have no idea who they are, but they're fabulous. this track is from the 40's and is a live recording from a club. it's big and brassy and i love it!
It's No Secret Anymore (Linda Eder): nobody sings a song like Linda. these lyrics are so homosexually ambiguous that i can't wait for some big queen to cover it !
Venus (Bananarama): yeah, i own the soundtrack to Romy and Michele's High School Reunion, what of it?
Heal the Pain (George Michael): this song always reminds me of my 1st boyfriend (back in college). the most vivid memory was sitting in front of his picture window looking at the snow fall with the Verazano(sp?) bridge in the distance. it's really a great song.
Come Te Gusta Mi Pinga (Steven Hayes): Trick was the 1st gay movie i ever say (that wasn't porno) and this song is so much fun to sing!
I Who Have Nothing (Tom Jones): is it any wonder that he's called The Voice. he's so passionate and emotional that you can almost hear his heart breaking.
Don't Rain on My Parade (Funny Girl: Motion Picture Soundtrack): another Musical Monday's favorite! they'd play the clip and all the fags in the bar would start screaming as she ran to catch the steamboat!
Someone Watching Over Me (Kristine W): you knew'd she was on the list! this song is so UP! it's kinda gosple-y and kinda love song-y.
And I'm Telling You i'm Not Going (Jennifer Hudson): it's a shame i'm at work, 'cause i'd really like to get up right now and get my Effie on.
What Is This Thing Called Love? (Keely Smith): the former Mrs Louis Prima really turns it out on this, the 1st song i ever heard her sign solo. it prompted me to find all the solo stuff i could on CD.
Fever (Michael Buble): this is the best cover of this song i've ever heard. Mikey has such a passionate voice, he gives me chills.
Paper Moon (Natalie Cole): this song always reminds me of that scene in Funny Lady where Barbra meets James Caan at the 1st rehearsal of his revue. my mom had Natalie's Unforgetable album on cassette when i was in grammar school; it's where i really learned to appreciate standards and vocal jazz.
Let Me Entertain You (Carol Burnett): did you know Carol Burnett sings? me neither! i found a cd at the library called Carol Burnett Sings! it's phenomonal, packed with old showtunes and Carol's big brassy belting! this song is worth listening to, 'cause at the end she starts to ad lib and uses the expression wingding. can you stand it?!
Another Hundred People (Company: Original Broadway Cast): god, i love Sondheim. this song always reminds me of my friend Kevin whom i've not seen in forever...
Wannabe (the Spice Girls): c'mon you know that you know the words. which Spice Girl are you?
Jealousy (Liz Phair): she really is the Parker Posey of pop music. what a brilliant lyricist and musician ("Imagine me behind your eyes/what did i see/ i saw hips i saw thighs/ i saw secret positions that we never tried/ i saw jealousy/ i can't believe you had a life before me/ i can't believe they let you run around free/ just pointing your body wherever it seemed/ like a good idea").
Faith (George Michael): i actually won this album on vinyl from a radio station (along with a Swatch), when i was in grammar school! do you remember the SNL skit they did with Dana Carvey as George Michael on Weekend Update? i still chuckle about that...
One Song Glory (Rent: Original Broadway Cast): 1st time i heard the OCR for Rent i was at MS's house on New Years Day, 100 years ago (i think we were both in college). she totally got me into this show and took me to see it shortly thereafter.
I Know Thing Now (Into the Woods: Original Broadway Cast): yup...love that Sondheim! another show i've been listening to forever; ever since i saw it on PBS with Bernadette Peters as the witch.
24 Hours From Tulsa (Dusty Springfield): this song is so John! it's all about the background singers in the last 3 seconds. of course it's also all about the lyrics and Dusty's plaintive singing...but it's mostly about the bacground singers "oooh"-ing.
Defying Gravity (Wicked: Original Broadway Cast): 1st saw this at Musical Mondays at Splash; totally gave me chills. i couldn't believe that Elphie was Maureen from Rent. i've read the book a few times; the whole show blows me away.
Tonight I Say a Prayer (Eydie Gorme): i really have an affinity for big belters. this chick has pipes like a church organ!
Love For Sale (Ella Fitzgerald): her voice is like warm caramel, and i've always been a big fan of Cole Porter. this is 7 minutes of fabulousness that doesn't involve a house beat.
If You Don't See What You Want Up Here (the Four Divas): i have no idea who they are, but they're fabulous. this track is from the 40's and is a live recording from a club. it's big and brassy and i love it!
It's No Secret Anymore (Linda Eder): nobody sings a song like Linda. these lyrics are so homosexually ambiguous that i can't wait for some big queen to cover it !
Venus (Bananarama): yeah, i own the soundtrack to Romy and Michele's High School Reunion, what of it?
Heal the Pain (George Michael): this song always reminds me of my 1st boyfriend (back in college). the most vivid memory was sitting in front of his picture window looking at the snow fall with the Verazano(sp?) bridge in the distance. it's really a great song.
Come Te Gusta Mi Pinga (Steven Hayes): Trick was the 1st gay movie i ever say (that wasn't porno) and this song is so much fun to sing!
I Who Have Nothing (Tom Jones): is it any wonder that he's called The Voice. he's so passionate and emotional that you can almost hear his heart breaking.
Don't Rain on My Parade (Funny Girl: Motion Picture Soundtrack): another Musical Monday's favorite! they'd play the clip and all the fags in the bar would start screaming as she ran to catch the steamboat!
Someone Watching Over Me (Kristine W): you knew'd she was on the list! this song is so UP! it's kinda gosple-y and kinda love song-y.
And I'm Telling You i'm Not Going (Jennifer Hudson): it's a shame i'm at work, 'cause i'd really like to get up right now and get my Effie on.
What Is This Thing Called Love? (Keely Smith): the former Mrs Louis Prima really turns it out on this, the 1st song i ever heard her sign solo. it prompted me to find all the solo stuff i could on CD.
Fever (Michael Buble): this is the best cover of this song i've ever heard. Mikey has such a passionate voice, he gives me chills.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
This is a Test...This is Only a Test...Pt.2: Really Real
the phone rang at 4:12 am, then it went dead. 10 minutes later it rang again.
this time it was my mother.
We've achieved BABY.
this is not a drill.
i stayed in bed for another 20 minutes, debating with myself, then got dressed and came to work an hour early (6am). did i mention that i'm stuck in NJ all this week? yeah.
as soon as i get all my shit together i'm outta here...
***7am Update***
i can't leave till 1pm.
Cunty doesn't wanna piss of Zeus by asking for me to leave earlier than that.
per my mother: they're breaking her (sis-in-law) water. she's in pain but dozing on and off.
this may take a while...
***9am Update***
per my dad: they're inducing labor now.
***11:45 Update***
my dad just called crying. the most i could make out was that she's going in for a C-section.
i called my mom, but my good friends at Verizon couldn't give us a clear enough signal for me to find out anything more..
**5:19 update***
Francesca Angelica L-------a was born at 12:58pm...6lbs 15oz 18 1/2" long.
mom is fine.
dad is beaming.
the uncles are going shopping...
***next day update**
she's adorable! brown as a nut with a thick black faux-hawk, she looks like a little wizened Troll doll...only cuter! as soon as Nazi nurses allow it, i'll take a couple of phone-pics and post them here.
this time it was my mother.
We've achieved BABY.
this is not a drill.
i stayed in bed for another 20 minutes, debating with myself, then got dressed and came to work an hour early (6am). did i mention that i'm stuck in NJ all this week? yeah.
as soon as i get all my shit together i'm outta here...
***7am Update***
i can't leave till 1pm.
Cunty doesn't wanna piss of Zeus by asking for me to leave earlier than that.
per my mother: they're breaking her (sis-in-law) water. she's in pain but dozing on and off.
this may take a while...
***9am Update***
per my dad: they're inducing labor now.
***11:45 Update***
my dad just called crying. the most i could make out was that she's going in for a C-section.
i called my mom, but my good friends at Verizon couldn't give us a clear enough signal for me to find out anything more..
**5:19 update***
Francesca Angelica L-------a was born at 12:58pm...6lbs 15oz 18 1/2" long.
mom is fine.
dad is beaming.
the uncles are going shopping...
***next day update**
she's adorable! brown as a nut with a thick black faux-hawk, she looks like a little wizened Troll doll...only cuter! as soon as Nazi nurses allow it, i'll take a couple of phone-pics and post them here.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Take 5
**Note: this entry has gone through 5 revisions in the last 5 hours...
someone (very) close to us has put me in a difficult position, regarding our wedding.
in short, they seem to be unable to refer to it as a Wedding (or Commitment Ceremony). since we formally announced the date for the ceremony/reception, it's been refered to as a party or in vaguely general terms like "the plans" (ie. "how are your plans coming along), etc. i don't think i would have noticed had not Stephen mentioned it. the person in question has never expressed anything other than love and support for our relationship. now quite frankly, i'm at a loss as to what to say. do i correct them the next time they do it? does it even matter how other people view this?
i used to be so vocal when it came to double standards about "the gay thing". i was so hyper-sensitive that at the 1st sign of hetero- hypocrisy, i'd cry "homophobia" or somesuch faster than a drag queen could do a bump of K. in this instance, however, i wonder what the point is (if any). as long as people come to offer their emotional and spiritual support and recogize (in their hearts) that this is more than just a party, does it really matter what they call it? is it worth getting into a semantic debate over?
i don't think so, but i really don't know.
“In the rough, a symbol is a sign that stands for something… Before a noise, etc., may become a symbol, something must exist for the symbol to symbolize.”~ Alfred Korzybski
someone (very) close to us has put me in a difficult position, regarding our wedding.
in short, they seem to be unable to refer to it as a Wedding (or Commitment Ceremony). since we formally announced the date for the ceremony/reception, it's been refered to as a party or in vaguely general terms like "the plans" (ie. "how are your plans coming along), etc. i don't think i would have noticed had not Stephen mentioned it. the person in question has never expressed anything other than love and support for our relationship. now quite frankly, i'm at a loss as to what to say. do i correct them the next time they do it? does it even matter how other people view this?
i used to be so vocal when it came to double standards about "the gay thing". i was so hyper-sensitive that at the 1st sign of hetero- hypocrisy, i'd cry "homophobia" or somesuch faster than a drag queen could do a bump of K. in this instance, however, i wonder what the point is (if any). as long as people come to offer their emotional and spiritual support and recogize (in their hearts) that this is more than just a party, does it really matter what they call it? is it worth getting into a semantic debate over?
i don't think so, but i really don't know.
“In the rough, a symbol is a sign that stands for something… Before a noise, etc., may become a symbol, something must exist for the symbol to symbolize.”~ Alfred Korzybski
Friday, January 05, 2007
Weather or Not
have we really fucked the planet up so badly that winter is a thing of the past?
i'm not sure where you are, but here it NYC it's been "unseasonably" warm and balmy (they're predicting 70o for tomorrow and not a chance of >50o till at least the end of January). did i miss a memo? is it not the week after New Years? Where's the snow? where's the visible breath and big ski jackets? New York is in a complete mind-fucked because of this "unseasonable" warmth: people are getting sick, the animals at the Zoo are coming out of hibernation, trees are blooming and the Staten Island guidos and Chelsea Boys are walking around in basketball shorts and wife-beaters (ok so it's not all bad news).
what really bothers me are the people who are all sunshine and lollipops about the heat; running around like it's a blessing from Cher, not worried about what it portends...
i'm not sure where you are, but here it NYC it's been "unseasonably" warm and balmy (they're predicting 70o for tomorrow and not a chance of >50o till at least the end of January). did i miss a memo? is it not the week after New Years? Where's the snow? where's the visible breath and big ski jackets? New York is in a complete mind-fucked because of this "unseasonable" warmth: people are getting sick, the animals at the Zoo are coming out of hibernation, trees are blooming and the Staten Island guidos and Chelsea Boys are walking around in basketball shorts and wife-beaters (ok so it's not all bad news).
what really bothers me are the people who are all sunshine and lollipops about the heat; running around like it's a blessing from Cher, not worried about what it portends...
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Ear Today, Gone Tomorrow
on saturday, before seeing Squirt, i went over to Best Buy; after some exchanging of duped gifts and redemption of old Gift Cards, i bought the Bose In-Ear headphones that i'd been wanting since i 1st saw them on a subway advertisement, about a month ago. i was really excited, as they weren't on sale, but when the smoke cleared i'd only paid about $60 for them. when i got home, stephen rolled his eyes and scoffed that anyone would pay so much for headphones. i honestly didn't expect him to be able to rationalize such a (truly) extravagent purchase, but whatever. this was my Christmas gift to me; i was happy.
they came with the most adorable little "leather-ette" carrying case and 3 pairs of rubber tips in Small, Medium, and Large to maximize the listening experience (Bose knows that some of us have small and delicate ear canals which other, lower quality, heaphones simply don't fit!). i promptly popped on the Small tips and listened to them on the bus, back and forth to work, on Tuesday. let me tell you, the sound was truly remarkable! i didn't know how good Kristine W and Amanda Lepore could sound till i got these headphones. they're magical, i tell you...absolutely magical.
imagine my horror and surprise when i was running for the bus on Wednesday morning, to find that the right tip was missing! did it fall off when i took the heaphones and Baby Blue out of my pocket, while running? did it fall off in the house? it was 6:02 in the morning, pitch black and the psychotic bus-driver, who's supposed to come at 6:10, usually barrels down the street between 5 and 10 minutes early. flustered and upset, i ran back to the house with my eyes on the pavement, gave a cursory look around, grabbed the spare pairs (Medium and Large), and then ran back to the bus stop where i missed my regular bus and caught the one which comes 20 minutes later (ironically, it gets me to work exactly 2o minutes later than it's earlier counterpart).
when i got home at 6:30 (again, in pitch black), i took the flashlight and scanned the path from our house to where i remember noticing that the tip was missing, to no avail. i looked all over the living room, to no avail. i am totally Shit Outta Luck, stuck with one Small and one Medium ear-piece (the Large ones don't even pretend to fit). Thankfully, unlike the last pair i bought (that i loved and lost 2 sets of ear-pieces), Bose sells replacement pieces (at $5 a pair). when i get home i plan on purchasing 2 pairs (just to have a couple of back up).
they came with the most adorable little "leather-ette" carrying case and 3 pairs of rubber tips in Small, Medium, and Large to maximize the listening experience (Bose knows that some of us have small and delicate ear canals which other, lower quality, heaphones simply don't fit!). i promptly popped on the Small tips and listened to them on the bus, back and forth to work, on Tuesday. let me tell you, the sound was truly remarkable! i didn't know how good Kristine W and Amanda Lepore could sound till i got these headphones. they're magical, i tell you...absolutely magical.
imagine my horror and surprise when i was running for the bus on Wednesday morning, to find that the right tip was missing! did it fall off when i took the heaphones and Baby Blue out of my pocket, while running? did it fall off in the house? it was 6:02 in the morning, pitch black and the psychotic bus-driver, who's supposed to come at 6:10, usually barrels down the street between 5 and 10 minutes early. flustered and upset, i ran back to the house with my eyes on the pavement, gave a cursory look around, grabbed the spare pairs (Medium and Large), and then ran back to the bus stop where i missed my regular bus and caught the one which comes 20 minutes later (ironically, it gets me to work exactly 2o minutes later than it's earlier counterpart).
when i got home at 6:30 (again, in pitch black), i took the flashlight and scanned the path from our house to where i remember noticing that the tip was missing, to no avail. i looked all over the living room, to no avail. i am totally Shit Outta Luck, stuck with one Small and one Medium ear-piece (the Large ones don't even pretend to fit). Thankfully, unlike the last pair i bought (that i loved and lost 2 sets of ear-pieces), Bose sells replacement pieces (at $5 a pair). when i get home i plan on purchasing 2 pairs (just to have a couple of back up).
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
And I'm Telling You...
stop reading this blog, right now.
get up, get your coat on, and get in your car.
drive to the nearest movie theater and see Dreamgirls.
John and i saw it last night, now it's your turn.
you know your mama had the Original Cast Recording on 8 track or vinyl (and that you bought it on CD when it was re-released a couple of years ago). you know that you know all the words to And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going (complete with Jennifer Holliday's grunts and growls) and One Night Only; you've stood at the bar at Splash, on Musical Mondays, mouthing the words like the wanna-be dragqueen you are. It's in your blood mary, so don't fight it just 'cause neither Miss Holliday nor Sheryl Lee Ralph are in it, nor because you keep picturing Beyonce as Foxy Cleopatara in Austin Powers: Goldmember. i urge you (as John did, me) to seperate yourself from everything you know about the Original Cast. Go in with an open and optimistic mind, and you will be rewarded with a truly entertaining movie-musical-extravaganza.
while not the best movie-musical to be churned out of Hollywood in the last 5 years (read: Chicago), it is certainly lightyears better than the embarassing snoozefest that was Phantom of the Opera (ok maybe i'm just bitter, 'cause i really hate Andrew Lloyd Weber and don't understand his appeal). Beyonce is utterly enchanting despite the deliberate attempt to be made up like Diana Ross's stunt double. it's actually kinda eerie how dead-on-balls the make up artist was in making her up like Miss Ross; there are a couple of scenes where it'd be nearly impossible to tell them apart. we knew the girl could sing, but who knew she could also act so well? Jamie Foxx was his usual snide and unctuous self (i'm supposed to hate him, right?). Eddie Murphy was truly phenomonal in what seems to be the most serious role i've ever seen him in; his singing voice was truly worth mentioning (he's really come a long way since My Girl Loves to Party All the Time).
the thief of the movie, however is Jennifer Hudson who plays the big-boned/big-voiced/pain in the ass Effie (made famous, again, by Jennifer Holliday). Now, i'll admit i went in there thinking that nobody could top La Holliday, and i was right. Jenn Hudson, though give a totally spot-on performance that is just as good as Jenn Holliday. she takes the character of Effie and really makes her her own, adding a unique spin on a complex character. Needless to say, her voice is like a great golden bell, with the most amazing resonance and energy; taking songs that had became someone else's trademark (And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going, I'm Changing, One Night Only) and reshaping them with her own skill and soul. i can't, in good conscience, say that she's better than the original, but she's pretty damn close. on the way home, John played the Deluxe edition CD for me which has Richie Jones' mix of And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going(which completely blows away either of the mixes done for Jennifer Holliday by Junior and Rosabel) and Beyonce's One Night Only, both of which are sure to be crowd favorites.
if this is the trend that movies are taking, the ressurection of the movie musical, i say bring it on. i look forward to seeing the big screen versions of Wicked, La Cage Aux Folles, Anything Goes or my personal favorite Into the Woods. Maybe they can bribe Jennifer Holliday in to play the Witch!
"Why do I love it so much?What kind of magic is this?How come I can't help adore it?It's just another musical"~ In the Musicals (Bjork)
get up, get your coat on, and get in your car.
drive to the nearest movie theater and see Dreamgirls.
John and i saw it last night, now it's your turn.
you know your mama had the Original Cast Recording on 8 track or vinyl (and that you bought it on CD when it was re-released a couple of years ago). you know that you know all the words to And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going (complete with Jennifer Holliday's grunts and growls) and One Night Only; you've stood at the bar at Splash, on Musical Mondays, mouthing the words like the wanna-be dragqueen you are. It's in your blood mary, so don't fight it just 'cause neither Miss Holliday nor Sheryl Lee Ralph are in it, nor because you keep picturing Beyonce as Foxy Cleopatara in Austin Powers: Goldmember. i urge you (as John did, me) to seperate yourself from everything you know about the Original Cast. Go in with an open and optimistic mind, and you will be rewarded with a truly entertaining movie-musical-extravaganza.
while not the best movie-musical to be churned out of Hollywood in the last 5 years (read: Chicago), it is certainly lightyears better than the embarassing snoozefest that was Phantom of the Opera (ok maybe i'm just bitter, 'cause i really hate Andrew Lloyd Weber and don't understand his appeal). Beyonce is utterly enchanting despite the deliberate attempt to be made up like Diana Ross's stunt double. it's actually kinda eerie how dead-on-balls the make up artist was in making her up like Miss Ross; there are a couple of scenes where it'd be nearly impossible to tell them apart. we knew the girl could sing, but who knew she could also act so well? Jamie Foxx was his usual snide and unctuous self (i'm supposed to hate him, right?). Eddie Murphy was truly phenomonal in what seems to be the most serious role i've ever seen him in; his singing voice was truly worth mentioning (he's really come a long way since My Girl Loves to Party All the Time).
the thief of the movie, however is Jennifer Hudson who plays the big-boned/big-voiced/pain in the ass Effie (made famous, again, by Jennifer Holliday). Now, i'll admit i went in there thinking that nobody could top La Holliday, and i was right. Jenn Hudson, though give a totally spot-on performance that is just as good as Jenn Holliday. she takes the character of Effie and really makes her her own, adding a unique spin on a complex character. Needless to say, her voice is like a great golden bell, with the most amazing resonance and energy; taking songs that had became someone else's trademark (And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going, I'm Changing, One Night Only) and reshaping them with her own skill and soul. i can't, in good conscience, say that she's better than the original, but she's pretty damn close. on the way home, John played the Deluxe edition CD for me which has Richie Jones' mix of And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going(which completely blows away either of the mixes done for Jennifer Holliday by Junior and Rosabel) and Beyonce's One Night Only, both of which are sure to be crowd favorites.
if this is the trend that movies are taking, the ressurection of the movie musical, i say bring it on. i look forward to seeing the big screen versions of Wicked, La Cage Aux Folles, Anything Goes or my personal favorite Into the Woods. Maybe they can bribe Jennifer Holliday in to play the Witch!
"Why do I love it so much?What kind of magic is this?How come I can't help adore it?It's just another musical"~ In the Musicals (Bjork)
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
New Year's Weekend Recap
the holidays are finally over and it's back to work/life as usual. New Years was fun; jenn and brian came over, as planned, but we basically just sat around eating, drinking and talking (we never got to play Taboo, to my disappointment). it was nice and chill; they really are wonderful people and i can't imagine ringing in the new year with anybody else; they've already invited Stephen and i to their place for next year.
my friend, Erin had her Miracle Baby on saturday night, by C-Section. it was a long and arduous process for her and her husband to conceive, but it looks as though he was worth all the doctors, needles and drugs. we swung by the hospital yesterday, dropped off a super-soft teddy bear for the kid and a box of Oreos for mom. he's a cute little guy; Connor James, 21" and 8.something pounds. i'd post a picture, but blogger hates me. mama and child are doing quite well and are set to go home today. now if only my nephew (yes, we have confirmation of a penis) would take a cue and get a move on.
in a truly surprising twist, i got to spend all of Saturday with Squirt. i picked her up for lunch and she wound up coming back home with me. she helped Stephen make a couple of pizzas and we hung out to watch the Incredibles. a good time was had by all and i was most disappointed to take her home at 9. i'm hoping we can make this a regular thing; i miss Uncle David/Squirt time.
Stephen's off from work today, as restitution for having to work New Years Eve, and i'm glad. it'll give him an opportunity to relax a little bit. he's still not feeling 100% and is having a terrible time eating solid foods (you really don't wanna know what happens when he does). i'm hoping he either just takes the time to chill out and couch (verb) or take a ride to the doctor to find out exactly what's wrong with him.
incedentally, how do you like the new color scheme?
my friend, Erin had her Miracle Baby on saturday night, by C-Section. it was a long and arduous process for her and her husband to conceive, but it looks as though he was worth all the doctors, needles and drugs. we swung by the hospital yesterday, dropped off a super-soft teddy bear for the kid and a box of Oreos for mom. he's a cute little guy; Connor James, 21" and 8.something pounds. i'd post a picture, but blogger hates me. mama and child are doing quite well and are set to go home today. now if only my nephew (yes, we have confirmation of a penis) would take a cue and get a move on.
in a truly surprising twist, i got to spend all of Saturday with Squirt. i picked her up for lunch and she wound up coming back home with me. she helped Stephen make a couple of pizzas and we hung out to watch the Incredibles. a good time was had by all and i was most disappointed to take her home at 9. i'm hoping we can make this a regular thing; i miss Uncle David/Squirt time.
Stephen's off from work today, as restitution for having to work New Years Eve, and i'm glad. it'll give him an opportunity to relax a little bit. he's still not feeling 100% and is having a terrible time eating solid foods (you really don't wanna know what happens when he does). i'm hoping he either just takes the time to chill out and couch (verb) or take a ride to the doctor to find out exactly what's wrong with him.
incedentally, how do you like the new color scheme?
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