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someone (very) close to us has put me in a difficult position, regarding our wedding.
in short, they seem to be unable to refer to it as a Wedding (or Commitment Ceremony). since we formally announced the date for the ceremony/reception, it's been refered to as a party or in vaguely general terms like "the plans" (ie. "how are your plans coming along), etc. i don't think i would have noticed had not Stephen mentioned it. the person in question has never expressed anything other than love and support for our relationship. now quite frankly, i'm at a loss as to what to say. do i correct them the next time they do it? does it even matter how other people view this?
i used to be so vocal when it came to double standards about "the gay thing". i was so hyper-sensitive that at the 1st sign of hetero- hypocrisy, i'd cry "homophobia" or somesuch faster than a drag queen could do a bump of K. in this instance, however, i wonder what the point is (if any). as long as people come to offer their emotional and spiritual support and recogize (in their hearts) that this is more than just a party, does it really matter what they call it? is it worth getting into a semantic debate over?
i don't think so, but i really don't know.
“In the rough, a symbol is a sign that stands for something… Before a noise, etc., may become a symbol, something must exist for the symbol to symbolize.”~ Alfred Korzybski
5 comments:
Perhaps, approach the situation from a positive rather than a negative, by which I mean that one could look for the reason behind the action. If someone feel uncomfortable, perhaps they don't know what is considered 'correct' in this instance. Maybe instead of "correcting" you could "give permission." Such as responding with ..." you know you can feel free to use the word wedding. That is how we hope everyone percieves our commitment ceremony." Then even if they did know but have a hard time for their own inner reasons, they will still have gotten the message loud and clear that this is what you would prefer.
Stephen's so great. sigh What a healthy approach. How does one achiev such a Dahli-esque outlook? I guess a good start would be me learning to spell Dhali...
Anyway. It's totally not what i was going to say when I clicked to write a comment, but he's right. He's just right.
Party? This isn't a birthday, it's a commitment. I don't care what is legal, I don't care how unable this "person" is to say the word. As Stephen above says "correct" them nicely. If they continue to disregard your Wedding and continue to use a lesser words, then uninivite them. Obvioulsy they're not blessing your relationship anyway. I stopped attending all straight weddings once my siblings married. They don't get my gifts or support since they're not supporting mine by fighting for my freedom to marry the one I love. That's right straight people. I'm done. You can use the gays for your own weddings, but refuse us our own. Worst of all are the straights the say "I didn't even know gay marriage was an issue." I know I'm somewhat militant, but if we were to allow ourselves to be given titles other than Marriage then we might as well take our seats at the back of the bus and use the "fags only" water fountains. And any gays closing thier eyes to this type of issue because we want to have "said gay nuptuals" only deserve a party.
Hell, I barely know you and I know it's a wedding. Some friend you got there.
Party? This isn't a birthday, it's a commitment. I don't care what is legal, I don't care how unable this "person" is to say the word. As Stephen above says "correct" them nicely. If they continue to disregard your Wedding and continue to use a lesser words, then uninivite them. Obvioulsy they're not blessing your relationship anyway. I stopped attending all straight weddings once my siblings married. They don't get my gifts or support since they're not supporting mine by fighting for my freedom to marry the one I love. That's right straight people. I'm done. You can use the gays for your own weddings, but refuse us our own. Worst of all are the straights the say "I didn't even know gay marriage was an issue." I know I'm somewhat militant, but if we were to allow ourselves to be given titles other than Marriage then we might as well take our seats at the back of the bus and use the "fags only" water fountains. And any gays closing thier eyes to this type of issue because we want to have "said gay nuptuals" only deserve a party.
Hell, I barely know you and I know it's a wedding. Some friend you got there.
O.K. So:
When a puppy pees on your amazingly beautiful polished hardwood floor you do two things:
1) Stick his nose in it and say "no" very firmly so it learns that pee pee on expensive floor is not right and will change from here on
2) You feel bad about yelling at your puppy and don't like doing it
My point?
You friend, being the puppy here, has learned a bad habit...and has gotten away with it. And that's fine. But, it's time for a change. So, you might feel bad at saying something...feeling afraid that you hurt their feelings...but after the shock...they will see how serious you are.
You owe it to yourself to show how serious you are to others.
They will understand.
It's totally worth the change.
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