Ex Marks the Spot Pt. 2

So I told stephen about the ex (to whom we’ll refer as Shithead, since that’s how I usually refer to him), and he seemed remarkably unfazed. He was glad I told him, but knowing most of the details of our break-up/relationship he also knew I had no intention of seeing him again or of replying to the e-mail; case closed. The next day I told John, and he wanted to know what my reply was. When I told him that there wasn’t going to be a reply, he was genuinely surprised. (I’ll spare you the long story here) his opinion was that “it was so long ago and it seems silly to hold onto what had happened. We’re all different people than we were then”. He’s right…in his own way… it was a long time ago and I am a different person: the kind of person that doesn’t want a liar in his life. At the end of our relationship, I didn’t believe half of what Shithead told me. I questioned his motives about everything and, to be honest I still do. our relationship made me alot less trusting of people, especially those I’m romantically involved with. Thanks Shithead!

Even if I did still “like” him (read: think he’s a good person; worth spending time and re-creating a friendship with) I’ll admit that I’ve never found it easy to be friends with my exes (no matter how few they are). With only one exception, almost all the guys I called “boyfriend” and I ended on “bad terms”. Our break ups were just that: breaking of emotion and/or communication. To be honest though, I can’t see any other way to end a romantic relationship other than a complete and total freeze out. I envy (the stereotypical) lesbians (of whom John is surely an honorary one) for having the ability to be friends with their exes, regardless of the circumstances surrounding their break up. It’s truly amazing that no matter how many times the cops were called, how many ER vistis there were, how many hurtful things were said, and how many hearts were broken in the process, that they can rise above it all and stay friends.
All kidding aside, I really do admire people that can stay friends with their exes. Stephen and I were in the car the other day and I asked him how it was possible that after a relationship ends, all the love and passion and friendship that existed during the relationship suddenly seems to evaporate? You’ve made all this emotional investment in the other person, and then walk away without so much as a person you can dish with over coffee? It sounds like a raw deal to me, but it’s what happens.

Stephen asked me last night if Shithead had e-mailed me again after not getting a reply (perhaps he isn’t as unfazed as I thought). I told him that he hadn’t, and that hopefully he wouldn’t. over the last few years I seem to have lost a lot of my “friends” due to circumstances; in a lot of the cases we just “grew apart” due to large expanses of time and space, but some just proved either not to be good friends or just not the friends that they started out being. While I’d never turn them away if they ever called me for help or if they were in need, I also wouldn’t look to them to ease my pain or need. I have other, stronger, friends to whom I’d turn.

I guess what I’m saying (about both my romantic and friendly relationships) is that, we “broke up” for a reason and sometimes that reason shouldn’t be forgotten; sometimes the hurt/scars/etc run a little too deeply.