TMI? Probably (Some of You May Wanna Skip This One)

Ok I’ll admit it: before I met Stephen, I was a slut. It’s true and it’s indisputable; over the last 17 years, I’ve had alot of sex with alot of men. I’ve never discriminated; black, white, asian, and latin. I’ll be honest, I’ve lost count. I was that…“friendly”. Now don’t take all this the wrong way, I’m not bragging (really!) I’m just stating the cold hard facts that for a very long time, I was a very large trollop. I’ve had a couple of boyfriends, but they never lasted more than 5 months and when the relationships were over, I was kinda relieved. All that has changed however. I am now a one man guy (I have been for almost three years) and I’m happy. Since, for most of you, none of this is news, your probably wondering why I’m bringing this up. I’ll explain:

John just loaned me Dan Savage’s The Commitment. It’s a chronicle of his planning of a wedding/commitment ceremony for himself and his boyfriend of 10 years. Having read his last two books (Skipping Toward Gomorrah and The Kid) I was prepared to enjoy this book immensely. I thought it would be clever and ascerbic and even insightful, as Stephen and I planned our special day (October 6th 2007, mark your calendars). I wasn’t quite prepared to enjoy it or be as affected by it as I was. I found the entire account so incredibly moving and emotional that I spent about an hour crying on the bus and then on the F train. Yeah, I’m that guy. Anyway, what does this have to do with me being Supertramp? Reading someone else’s account of their relationship really made me examine my own; how I feel being in one and how much I have grown within it. here goes:

It is impossible not to notice all the staggeringly attractive men in new york, they’re everywhere. Gay, straight, or bi, NYC is filled with very attractive men. Being a reformed slut, I have to admit that I find it very difficult not notice them as they cross my path (as they inevitably do). like the saying goes, I’m not Dead, I’m Just Getting Married. A while back, I was struck by a realization: all the guys I find attractive look almost exactly like Stephen. He really is the man I’ve been lusting after for almost half my life and now I’m lucky enough to go home to him and have sex with him every night. How many people can say that?

I can honestly and truly say that nobody else, in my entire life, has ever made me feel happier or more content. He really is everything I’ve ever wanted in a man: sensitivity, intelligence, a sense of humor, kindness, patience, and gentleness; he’s a wonderful cook, a hard worker, handy like a lesbian, and (most importantly) I find him sexy as all hell. He continually makes me feel loved, cared for and safe. I know that sounds weird, but by “safe” I mean that I don’t have any fears when I’m with him; there’s nothing that could happen to me that he couldn’t help me get through. I’ve felt this since the day we met. He’s one of the only people I would want to be with in the face of any crisis, because I know that he would be able to keep a calm and level head (unlike me who is given to frequent outbursts of emotion and tears). When I found out I had the tumor, yes I freaked out, but the minute he told me that he thought everything would be ok, I believed him.

Do we disagree? All the time. Do we fight? Absolutely. Does he drive me nuts when he’s pessimistic? Hells yeah. Could I ever see myself without him? Not on your fucking life. No matter how much we argue and how much we irritate the crap out of each other, I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt there is nobody else in the entire world that I’d rather have drive me crazy.

“Are we simply romantically challenged, or are we sluts?”~ Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City)