Reading Listening is Fundamental

Before I became an avid knitter, I was an avid reader. My utterly ridiculous commute lends itself to between two and three hours of downtime a day and I’m not the “sit around twiddling his thumbs” kinda fella. I would spend that time reading (or playing my Nintendo DS) and was able to bang out a book or two every week. Now, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t exactly reading the Idiot or Gone with the Wind, I was mostly reading fluffy fiction that didn’t weigh too heavily on my brain (or my bag); ‘escape reading’ I call it. It was a great way to kill the time between work and home, though it still left me antsy and frustrated when the trip took too long. It wasn’t like knitting, where I often hope for a subway delay or traffic so I can work a few more rows; it also taught me the valuable lesson of having a 2nd book in my bag (or, later, queued upon my Kindle) which now has become having a back-up project with me in case I finish what I’m working on. Anyway, I’ve always loved to read and, as much as I love knitting more, I miss it. There are more than a few authors who’ve put out new titles since I stopped reading and I’m sort of anxious to find out what they’re up to. So, how can I get back into reading without sacrificing my coveted knitting time? Audio books.


Now, I’ve never actually listened to an audio book before; the whole idea of them never really made sense to me, especially when you consider that I usually listen to music while reading. It never occurred to me that listening to a book could/would ever be necessary, because I always had time to read. However, now that I’m in a position where I can’t turn pages (or hold a book) when I want to, I get it. Books on tape: what a concept!

I’m a little leery, though. In the past, a pleasant voice (think: , Dame Judy Dench, Patrick Stewart or Bri-the--Pie-Guy) speaking for more than 10 minutes, would put me right to sleep. I’m reminded of my Freshman year of college and a philosophy professor who had the most gentle and soothing voice, with an almost-impossible-to-understand Greek accent, which never failed to lull me to sleep. Every class, every time. I have no idea how I didn’t fail. Conversely, an unpleasant voice (think: Gilbert Gottfried, Rachel Ray, Fran Drescher, Rudy Guliani or Stephen Hawkings*) makes me want to gouge out my eardrums with a demitasse spoon. Don't think the irony that i seem to prefer English accents over regional American accents is lost on me. As we've often told Bri-the-Pie-Guy, the English have a way of making everything sound interesting and making Americans believe that everything they say is true.

I was willing to risk it, for the sake of re-joining the land of the literate, until I saw that audio books are just as expensive as hardcover books (which is to say, ‘twice the price of an e-book’). Now, twenty-five bucks isn’t alot of money (and lord knows i've spent that on books, back in the day), but it’s more than I’m willing to spend on chance; I mean, it’s two skeins of Peace Fleece worsted, plus shipping! Furthermore, it goes without saying that there’s a pitiful selection of gay fiction audio-books (just as there’s crap selection of gay fiction e-books), so I decided to get back into Harry Potter (which aren’t available as e-books). Imagine my shock when I saw that Amazon was selling the CDs for $30 and up (they also aren’t available as Audible MP3s)! Well, in the immortal words of Mercedes Jones: Hell to the No.

So, I sat back and asked myself “What would Magenta Sequins do” and the answer was obvious: the New York Public Library. That girl loves the library and with good reason: they’ve got everything; books, CD’s, DVD’s, videos. It’s like Amazon for the poor! I promptly dusted off my library card (rather, I looked up the number on my Card Star app) and went to the NYPL website, in search of the 1st book on CD. Well, they have the CDs, but my card no longer worked. After a quick call to the help desk, it seems that the 4+ years I’ve been away from the library were enough for them to terminate my card (wow, who knew?) and that irregardless** of when I was at the library last, they force you to renew your library card every two years (again: who knew). So I signed up for a new library card and am having the CD’s sent to my local branch for pick up on Saturday. Free delivery? Better than Amazon Prime; I could get used to this!

According to the liner notes(?) they’re read by “Grammy winner Jim Dale” whoever he is. IMDB says that he’s an Englishman, so how bad could it be? Hopefully his voice sound enough like Rupert Everett to keep me engaged, but with just enough Kathy Griffin to keep me from nodding off while working on a sock. I'm hoping that there's no Sarah Bernhardt in it, though, because that bitch's voice might make me snap a DPN.
*yeah, I know: it’s not really ‘a voice’, but it bugs me out; ditto the electronic voiceboxes they give to people who’ve had tracheotomies
** her word, I swear; at least she didn’t say “liberry”