"Do you hear that sound? That's your yarn...it's crying"~ Magenta Sequins

Thursday, January 22, 2009

an Open Letter to the Big Fat Guy With Whom I "Shared" a Seat This Morning on the Bus

1st off i hope you don't mind being referred to as "the big fat guy", but let's call a spade a spade, y'ain't exactly Jack Skellington ain'cha? And no, neither am i, however my 42" shoulders and 34" ass were dwarfed by your 54" barrel shape which took up 80% of the two Nederlander Theater sized seats we were forced to share. i feel a certain kinship to you, especially since i used to be quite a bit plumper; this kinship allows me to address you by the common nickname we have both shared at some point in our lives. the "big", come from fact that you were, easily, 6'3" and that ain't tiny. Anyhoo...
While you had your eyes closed for the majority of our 35 minute trip together (i'm not sure if you were snoring or just breathing phlegmy) i'm sure you must've noticed, at some point, that my upper body was bent at a distressing 45o angle over the armrest, into the aisle. see, that was a result of your elbows jutting out as they rested comfortably on your tool bag. i'm glad you were comfortable enough to either actually or pretend to sleep, 'cuz i wasn't. partly because i was "reaching across the aisle" with my face and partly because, you were giving off the body heat comparable to crematorium furnace and i was sweating like Catholic priest at a Cub Scout pool party.



i guess this is what happens when you get on at the 2nd to last stop of the bus's run and beggars can't be choosers, but tomorrow i hope i'll be able to find a seat next to someone else. Or that you've worked out that you clearly don't want to share a seat and should, probably, sit on the aisle yourself and not give the impression that there's more room than there is. see, i'm pretty sure that most people won't want to be pressed between the window of the bus and a wall oven...

1 comment:

Thomas said...

So I take it, you didn't exchange phone numbers?

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