Having Flowers Delivered to the Office More Than Makes Up For a "Thursday Birthday"

most definitely not "man flowers".

I Can't Put It Down

this is the 3rd book by Steve Kluger that i've been completely swallowed up by. his style is wonderfully unique; somehow combining three of the most disparate topics (baseball, musical theater and american history) into incredibly entertaining, sentimental and gripping fiction. i've read alot of gay fiction, so believe me when i say that this guy has to be the best author to pick up a pen since Armistead Maupin.

Where Healthcare and Finance Meet

Stephen: i'm [working] on a floor full of non-compliant alcoholics
CawfeeGuy: ditto

Work Me Goddammit II

i've been a bit lax in my posting, but please forgive me; Merlin is out of the office this week, which means yours truly is left to pick up the brunt of his slack. it's weird because the things he does (which are very few, since most of his stuff was taken away because he couldn't handle it)are split between me and Dumb-Dumb, and they take us 20 minutes to do (but then there are our own job responisbilties which also must get done, in tandem). how he spends 9 hours a day, 5 days a week frantically doing what he does is beyond me. it makes me wanna slap him and shout "It's Not That Serious", even more.

in other news, expect very few and very light posts next week as i'm training for a new job. i'll be working more closely under Cunty in her section (she's the manager of 2 sections in the same department; it's all very Finance, "that's not my area"). the last few weeks i've been training the Very Sweet but Dull and Spineless Supervisor, who was demoted, to do my job and he's been training his replacement, this fabulous girl from Cunty's section who I'm replacing. got it?

the upshots are new work, new responsiblities, new desk, and no more Merlin or Dumb Dumb! yes they'll be a few desks away but i won't need to deal with them directly! it's very exciting in a sad "Corporate America has broken my spirit and all i have to look forward to is learning something new and switching my seat" kinda way.

whatever. don't rain on my parade.

Monday Morning Malaise Means More Quizes

I'm a Lamborghini Murcielago!

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

Which Sports Car Are You?

Thanks to Can't Never Could Do Nothing for helping me phone it in!

Appliance Horror Story Pt. 2

7/28: Repair service cancels appointment without letting us know; "no technicians" available. new appointment made.

surprised? me neither...

Test Day: **Snicker**FIST**Snicker**

You Are a Fist

Your life philosophy can be summed up as, "Life fast. Die young." Your greatest wish is to have a life of passion and excitement. And while you don't want to die young, you rather take risks than stay home and be afraid. You are inspired and inspiring. You live each day like it's your last.

What Hand Gesture Are You?

I Heart This Song

maybe it's his plaintive and passionate vocals.

maybe it's the lush music behind them.

maybe it's that a gay man is covering a woman's song.

maybe it's the fact that i'd gladly let him fuck me silly*.

*in the event of stephen's unfortunate demise and after a suitable mourning period.

Silently Judging You Pt 3: Fuck It

that whole "live feed" thing just wasn't working at all, and i think it was affecting the Twitter updates, so i've scrapped it.

the good ole fashioned blog link list is back (if i've left anyone out, please don't be offended...i'm old...32 next thursday...just leave a comment so i have a link to your blog).

we now return you to no-pressure, no-expectations blogging.
carry on.

Appliance Horror Story: a Timeline

6/8/2007: Dishwasher purchased.

6/2/2008: dishwasher stops working.

6/3-6/6: call store dishwasher was purchased from for warranty info.

6/7: finally told by warranty company that dishwasher is still under manufacturer warranty and should be contacted directly. Manufacturer called; appointment scheduled.

6/10: confirmation call from manufacturer’s contracted repair service for appointment the following day.

6/11: 1st visit from manufacturer’s contracted repairman.
Repairman has never seen/heard of dishwasher brand.
Specs for dishwasher are not found on his computerized schematic system.
Assumes problem based on similar dishwasher (of a different brand).
Repairman orders part thought to cause problem.

6/16: part arrives; new appointment made.

6/17: confirmation call from manufacturer’s contracted repair service for appointment the following day.

6/18: 2nd visit from manufacturer’s contracted repairman.
Replacement part doesn’t work; thought to be broken.
Specs for dishwasher are still not found on computerized schematic system.
2nd possible part (#2) thought to cause problem in conjunction with faulty part #1.
2 new parts ordered (#1 and #2).

6/26: neither parts have arrived.
Call manufacturer for status; neither parts were ever ordered. Order placed.

6/30: part #1 arrives. Appointment scheduled.

7/1: 3rd visit from manufacturer’s contracted repairman.
Specs for dishwasher still not in on computerized schematic system.
Replacement part #1 is functioning but doesn’t fix dishwasher.

7/11: call manufacturer for status of part #2.
Part not ordered. Order placed on 7/12.

7/18: part #2 arrives; appointment scheduled.

7/21: confirmation call from manufacturer’s contracted repair service for appointment the following day.

7/23: 3 hours after scheduled appointment, repairman has not shown.
per repair service, no call was received to notify them that part #2 was received; appointment was cancelled.

7/24: new appointment scheduled.

the lesson: Never by another product made by Haier. Never purchase anything from AJ Madison. Never call A & E Factory Services for any reason.

Most Exciting Pre-Dark Knight Preview

Silently Judging You Pt 2: Blogger's Revenge

so i guess the pressure was too much for one of you.
somebody put the whammy on my blog-list.
i currently have no links, whatsoever, to any of my favorite blogs.

Silently Judging You

not me, mind you; my "blog list".

look to the right...then down...past the Twitter-thing...past the Desktop art...
it's replaced my previous list of links to the blogs of fellow bloggers. it's no longer just a list, now it lets me (and you) know when the last time they (or you) have blogged and puts them in the order of who blogged last.

let's look alive, people.

There's a Hole in My Heart That Goes All the Way to Sunnydale

Joss Whedon, you dirty cock-tease, 45 minutes is not enough.

i want more....

.

more Neil Patrick Harris.

more singing superheroes.

more brilliantly ridiculous lyrics.

more Joss Whedon-isms.

.

damn you for getting me hooked and then cutting me off

Prince Charming

while watching an episode of Charmed (Season Six):

Stephen: why is "Evil Wyatt" so much hotter than "Good Wyatt"?
CawfeeGuy: evil is always hotter than good...
S: but why?
CG: i dunno...it's the whole temptation thing...you wanna sleep with Evil, you wanna bring Good home to your mother.
S: hm. Evil swallows.
CG: yeah. With Good you have to play "Just the Tip".

<-Good Wyatt Evil Wyatt->

neither picture does either actor justice

Test Day: White and Greasy

You Are Mayonnaise

You tend to be a very quiet, introverted person. You're happy to sit back and let stronger personalities shine. You value loyalty and harmony. You try to bring people together. Your taste in food leans toward simple comfort foods. You love holiday meals as well as old school favorites like mac and cheese. You get along with mustard and ketchup personalities. You have an unlikely alliance with hot sauce personalities.

What Condiment Are You?

You Can't Make This Shit Up

in the interest of brevity, slight paraphrasing and time compression, has been added by the author.

Co-Worker #1: what's the weather like in Arkansas?
Co-Worker #2: i dunno. ask CawfeeGuy, he knows pointlesss facts like that...
CawfeeGuy (after Googling): well the average temperature is 93 in July, 50 iin January, etc.
CW#1: that's not too bad.
CG: i'd imagine it's pretty humid though, so close to the Mississippi River and being in the south and all.
Recently Demoted Supervisor: New Orleans is gross, hot and sticky; it's disgusting.
CG: that's Louisiana, we're talking Arkansas.
Merlin: CG, you're moving to Arkansas?
CG: yes, Merlin; 'cuz there's no better place in America for two gay guys and their Yorkie than south of the Mason-Dixon line. Maybe we can start our own parade!

This Used to Be My Playground

When i was a kid, summer was day camp, trips to the park, drive-in movies and Friendly's, staying up late, and sleeping in. summer was strapping on my blue Snoopy rollerskates, with the yellow wheels and stopper, and skating for hours on end. summer was riding my bike around the block again and again and again (till i was old enough to cross the street). summer was was my birthday (July 31st)which always fell within days of our neighborhood's block party and included a Baskin Robbins Circus Tent cake (Mississippi Mud and French Vanilla) with ice-cream cones on top that looked like clowns and toys, lots of toys.

As i got older the idea of summer changed, slightly: week long trips to Boy Scout camp, a weekend job at the local mom & pop video store, and then later on a volunteer position at the NY Aquarium, in the penguin exhibit. in all, summers meant staying outside for most of the day, getting brown as a nut, and recovering from nine months of school related stress with the few friends i had. i enjoyed summer despite my natural aversion to the heat. trucks selling soft serve definitely helped.

summers in college were pretty much the same, with the added bonuses of disposable cash from my mall job and friends with cars. we went to concerts and the beach, and hung out in the pool; every day was something new and different (as long as we didn't have to work that night). summer, which started in May and lasted thru September, was great!

after college, summer was Pride. summer was spending my days off cruising the beach and the woods for hours; having fantastic sex with good looking, scantily clad, guys. summer was going out five nights a week to the local gay bar, hanging out on their patio till they closed and still getting up for work at the mall the next day. summer was eating chicken rings and mozzerella sticks, in White Castle's parking lot, at 3am after seeing a drag show.

now, everything's different.

summer means schlepping back and forth between Staten Island and downtown Brooklyn, through furnace-like subway tunnels, five days a week. summer means sitting at a desk under fluorescent lights, getting text messages from friends who are at the beach or on vacation. summer means worrying that the central air is costing us hundreds of dollars a month because leaving the windows open, in July, in New York, is ridiculous. summer is fighting the urge to use vacation days and sick days, because i get so few that they're better spent on doctor's visits and waiting (in vain) for repairmen. summer means standing on 34th street, in the sun, on a line of 75 people for a fucking bus that never comes. summer means hoping we don't have plans on weekends, so that maybe i can sit outside in the sun for an hour to get a tan and stave off rickets. summer is hoping i don't look too ridiculous in shorts. summer is no different than winter, except that i wear slightly less clothes.

it makes me miss the penguins.

Another Weekend in the Country

i can't even begin to tell you about the fabulous weekend i had!

Friday: met John and Justin for a fantastic dinner at a local-ish Chinese restaurant (where i learned Justin's true feelings about my blog*) and then retired back to Casa Del Homo for half a jug of sangria and, like, 4 hours of Apples to Apples, our new favorite board/card game. i seriously can't think of a better couple to play this game with, though i honestly want all my friends to come over and play! consider this an open invitation.

Saturday: Rufus and Chewie's 1st birthday! we drove up down to Connecticut to hang out with MS and Chewie. on the way we stopped off in New Rochelle to meet up with a former student of Stephen's who had moved to sunny Phoenix, Arizona and was in town for his family's annual pig roast. it was a total mob scene (no pun intended) of an italian family; seriously, though there was like 150 people there, 50 of which were kids under 12 who descended upon Rufus like a pack of wild dogs, the minute we stepped foot in the backyard. much cooing and petting and playing and fondling and squealing ensued as they passed him around like a joint, each taking a hit of cute off the little guy. we stayed for a couple of hours, ate some swine, and then headed to MS's where the puppies were reunited. we watched them play for a while and then went to dinner at a the Taco Loco where Stephen got attacked by kamikaze beetles, i drank an awful mango daiquiri and MS waxed poetically about a budding romance. we then returned to her place, gave the puppies their cake** and then just hung out till bedtime.


Sunday: woke up pretty early (it's very hard to sleep with two puppies in such close proximity to each other; damn things are worse than giggling kids at a sleep-over). we went to brunch at this great little place up the block, MS waxed s'more, went shopping a the pet store next door and then went back to watch the Waitress. we begrudgingly left shortly after the movie, in a vain attempt to avoid the traffic between Connecticut and Staten Island, to no avail. it took us a couple of hours to get home, but MS was nice enough to pack a container of Trader Joe's Sea Salt Brownie Bites which are way more delicious than they may sound.

all in all, it was just a tremendously fantastic weekend. i'm so glad we got to spend friday night with John and Justin and that Stephen got to see one of his friends (who happens to be trying to woo us to move to Arizona). it was so great for the puppies to be together for their birthday; Rufus really interacts with Chewie in a way that i never see with other dogs; and he really is the best behaved puppy i've ever seen, going right to sleep in his little car seat and staying quiet for the whole ride. the best part though, bar none, was being with MS and hearing her talk about her new guy; watching her blush and giggle and just behave like the rest of us, who are in love deeply smitten with someone...

**just because a cake is "fit for human consumption" and "made with all natural ingredients", that doesn't mean you should taste it...ever.

*see the newest quote under the my blog's title

Test Day: It's All About the Bowler

Your results: You are Riddler

Riddler 61% The Joker 58% Mr. Freeze 54% Magneto 52% Lex Luthor 52% Juggernaut 47% Two-Face 47% Dark Phoenix 40% Catwoman 39% Dr. Doom 37% Venom 36% Mystique 35% Green Goblin 35% Apocalypse 32% Poison Ivy 31% Kingpin 30%

Riddle me that, riddle me this, who is obsessed with having a battle of wits??

Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test
(pilfered from Thomas at Can't Never Could Do Nothing)

Shirt Woot Knows

Say My Name, Bitch

CawfeeGuy (answering the phone): ____ _______, this is David speaking...
Caller: this is Rich from _____ _____; can you look at an account for me, Dave?
CG: it's actually David.
C: does it matter?
CG: it must, if i corrected you.

Regrets, I've Had a Few

so i did it.
i saw Lisa Ann, my hairdresser, on Thursday of last week and told her to buzz me.
i'm still torn as to whether or not i feel like an ex-con or a chemo patient like it.

eh. it'll grow.

Notes on a Playlist (updated throughout the day)

here's what i came up with, last night. they're the songs that i distinctly remember from my childhood; music i either chose to listen to ("Dear Santa, for Christmas, please bring me Samantha Fox's I Wanna Have Some Fun on cassette") or just remember enjoying from the radio which was never off in our house...

1. Rio (Duran Duran): it was all about the video; Duran Duran always had such great videos.
2. Gloria (Laura Branigan): c'mon, who didn't love this song?
3. All Through the Night (Cyndi Lauper): when She's So Unusual 1st came out, Cyndi was everywhere. she had like 5 singles from that one album but this one was my absolute favorite; the video made me so sad when i was a kid...
4. Iko Iko (Cyndi Lauper): i had such a vivid imagination when i was a kid and this song was so visual to me; i saw the flagboys and the kings and the fire and i'll admit it...i was fascinated by this song because of the line "he ain't a man/he's a lovin machine", when i was a kid...i didn't know what it meant but i liked how it sounded.
5. Miss Me Blind (Culture Club): my brother got Colour By Numbers, on vinyl, for Christmas one year. that was an album that never really got old, 'cuz every song on it was so fun.
6. Little Red Corvette (Prince):
7. Sugar Walls (Sheena Easton): one of the 1st albums i ever asked for, Sheena Easton's Private Heaven, this song was my second favorite. i knew it was about something i didn't understand but i loved the music and Sheena's sultry, smoky vocals.
8. Naughty Girls Need Love Too (Samantha Fox):
9. Rock This Town (the Stray Cats):
10. Your House or My House (Samantha Fox):
11. Time (Culture Club)
12. Jump (the Pointer Sisters): the Pointer Sisters were the ultimate 80's "girl group"; they had such a great sound for the time.
13. Thriller (Michael Jackson): this song hit me hard; the video scared the living shit out of me for years (it was the zombie/cat-people thing coupled with Vincent FUCKING Price at the end), but i always loved the song. it's only the last couple of years that i can listen to and enjoy it without having flashbacks to the video.
14: the Stray Cat Strut (the Stray Cats)
15. Let's Go Crazy (Prince): perhaps my absolute favorite Prince song
16: Mr. Telephone Man (New Edition): i played this cassette till it snapped. their music and lyrics were so simple and accessible to a kid, plus i was able to hit those obscenely high notes...
17: It's a Miracle (Culture Club):
18: Goody Two Shoes (Adam Ant): this song has such a great hook and incredibly repetitive lyrics which are sure to stick with you for the rest of your life...
19. Manic Monday (the Bangles): i just adored the Bangles when i was a kid; talk about catchy lyrics...
20. When You Were Mine (Cyndi Lauper): another song which fascinated me, as a kid, because it sounded like she was singing to a guy...who wore her clothes...it wasn't until much later on that i learned it was written by Prince and that Cyndi never bothered to change the words.
21. Venus (Bananarama): again...all about the video...hot men writhing around half naked, being treated like meat. oh yeah...the song is terribly catchy too.
22. 1999 (Prince)
23. Magic (the Cars): loved the video...loved the song.
24. She Blinded Me With Science (Thomas Dolby): so campy and fabulous. plus the old guy barking out "science" was a hoot!
25. Oposites Attract (Paula Abdul): so...um..yeah...i really thought the cat could sing.
26. She Bop (Cyndi Lauper): can you think of anything cuter than a kid singing a song with veiled references to masturbation? me neither.
27. the Reflex (Duran Duran): they really epitomized the 80's power-pop sound.
28: Take On Me (A-Ha!): i have no idea why, but the 1st time i heard this song was when i saw the video and it made bawl. i thought it was so poignant that the two lovers were trying to get back together even though they were from different worlds; he looked so sad and so hot...
29. the Way That You Love Me (Paula Abdul)
30: Karma Chameleon (Culture Club)
31. Toy Soldiers (Martika)
32. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go (Wham!)
33. You Got It (the New Kids on the Block)

there are about 75 more, but i'm too busy to keep updating....you get the idea, though.
now if only i could find Matthew Wilder's Break My Stride.

Today's Flashback Brought to You By...

thank you iTunes for helping me find such integral pieces of my 80's pop past; my most recent acquisitions: Cool it Now and Mr. Telephone Man by New Edition. g'head....laugh, scoff, poke fun, i don't care. both these gems are cornerstones in the mighty tower that is my life. i'm devoting a whole playlist to the music which i found and downloaded without even the smallest amount of hesitation:

Toy Soldiers~ Martika
Batdance~ Prince
One Night in Bangkok~ Murray Head
Girls~ the Beastie Boys
Don't Go~ Yaz

ok...it's a small list for now, but i'm also adding songs from the CD's i've accumulated over the years, some which friends have found at yard sales and in bargain bins all over the country: Stacey Q's Better then Heaven, Sheena Easton's Private Heaven, the Flashdance soundtrack, Cyndi Lauper's She's So Unusual, etc. albums with songs i played over and over and over and over, much to my mother's annoyance.

This is gonna be big, people, and when i'm done, i'll put my headband on and rock out at my desk...

Test Day: Trippin'

The Road Trip of Your Life

You see romantic love as what's most important in life. A deep connection with someone else is the primary thing you crave. You live life at a fairly leisurely pace. You take time to enjoy the sweeter parts of life, even when you're busy. You're willing to take a few risks in life. You may not take the road no one travels, but you're happy to take the road less traveled. You tend to be a workaholic. You overwork yourself without ever realizing it and sometimes suffer the consequences later. In another life, you could have been a great artist. You trust your creative instincts enough to let them lead you.

The Road Trip Test

On the Road to Pride Pt.1: All About Eavesdropping

Sunday, walking down 6th avenue, toward 54th street. a man wearing a sandwich board with alot of impossibly small writing around a picture of Adam & Eve, cuts steps in front of two adorably handsome Bears walking hand-in-hand.

Adorably Handsome Bear #1: i heard this year, in addition to the moment of silence, they're going to have a special exhibition during the parade...
Adorably Handsome Bear #2: oh?
AHB1: yeah...halfway through the parade they're going to light effigies of Jesus, the Pope and the President on fire!
AHB2: that's great! i hope it's near our float!
Sandwich Board Man: did you say they're going to light effigies of Jesus on fire?
AHB1: yes...but honestly, i was joking.
SBM: (looking terribly crestfallen) oh...that's a shame...i'd be all for that...the church needs to be taught a lesson...

apparently, the impossibly small writing was all about the church's antiquated teachings on creationism and outdated policies on homophobia.
OOPS.

Scenes From an Elevator

interior: Staten Island University Hospital
Two trashy "Staten Island" women and a man dressed obviously like a doctor, board a downward elevator already occupied by an adorably handsome Bear couple.

Trashy Staten Island Woman #1 (to Trashy Staten Island Woman #2): did you press "2"?
Trashy Staten Island Woman #2: i thought you did!
Doctor: i got it. (presses button)
TSIW#1: you did that very well.
Dr: Um...thanks..?
TSIW#1: (with undisguised sincerity) you would've made an excellent elevator operator.
Dr: uh..um...
Adorably Handsome Bear #1: well...in case this whole "doctor thing" doesn't work out, you've got something to fall back on.
TSIW#1: i really think you missed your calling.
the elevator stops, the doors open, and both women exit.
the Doctor stares at the women in amazement. the doors close.
Adorably Handsome Bear #2: think of all those sleepless nights you wasted, studying.
all three men laugh.