the other night, at the wedding, i asked Stephen to slow dance and he turned me down. his reasoning was simple: he doesn't like to dance because he feels like everyone is staring; if i really wanted him to, he would, but i shouldn't wait for him to ask me, 'cuz it wasn't gonna happen.now, let's not get into the fact that the initial "rejection" totally brought back memories of when i was single and would get rebuffed left and right at clubs on the rare occasions i was drunk enough to ask someone to dance, or when i was in grammar school and asked Alyson to dance at our "prom" and was laughed at by her and her clique; of these things we shan't speak. i was generally surprised and more than a little let down. it's deffinitely not the 1st time i've asked him to dance, but it was the 1st time he ever turned me down.
don't get me wrong, i'm a terrible dancer, but i find a certain comfort and intimacy in slow dancing with someone. for whatever reason (let's blame hollywood), i've always seen slow dancing as one of the most romantic things a couple could do together. dim lighting, romantic music, close proximity; it all adds up to classic wooing. i'm a sucker for good wooing, lemme tell ya.
i can't fault him for not wanting to be The Gay Guys in the room, sometimes being The Gay Guys is alot of pressure and alot more trouble than it's worth. it seems like whatever we do, as a couple, in public, is a "political statement" or at the very least has to be strongly considered prior to acting. do you follow me? we can't just walk down the street holding hands, we need to really consider where we are before we do. ditto dancing. granted, we weren't in deepest reddest Arkansas, but we were at a wedding with a smattering of drunk Irish firemen and Brooklyn Italians and while the bride, groom and quite a few of their friends are open-minded and liberal in their thinking, you never know whose senibilities you might be offending; not that this usually matters to me. i'm usually in the if you don't like it, fuck off and the if it bothered the bride or groom then they wouldn't have invited us, so you should shut yer yap camp.
usually. sometimes, though, i don't wanna fight and i don't want to think before i act. i don't wanna be stared at because i'm one of The Gay Guys. i don't want to make a statement (political or otherwise) or worry about other people's sensibilities.
i just want to live and occasionally dance with my boyfriend. i'm not holding my breath, though.
"I know a place where you can get away/It's called a dance floor"~Vogue (Madonna)
5 comments:
Love it! I am a terrible dancer also, but somehow I feel dancing skills are not a requirement for slow dancing, right? anyhow I loved your post, very insightful.
I am with you...the frustration of having to weigh the consequences of our every action that other couples get to take for granted...for the record, I would have danced with you, anywhere, anytime you asked. I couldn't have always said that, but when Jeffrey and I got married, we decided it was all or nothing. Sure, we get stared at, but we don't let it stop us-usually. (See my Valentine's Day post on Gay Men Rule...you could have written it based on your feelings in this post...)Someday, perhaps we will dance beside our husbands side by side, and neither of us will have to worry about being "the gay Couple in the room." My heart goes out to you both, for the desire and the hesitation. You are always welcome to come to Albany and dance with us!
i feel ya buddy. When I was dating Hope (2 years plus) we attended a series of weddings, and everytime it was time to dance (slow-dance) i was always scared of what people might say. I hated when people's eyes were glued to us and so I most often denied the dance eventhough I loved to dance with her. It all had to do with the environment we were in.
I have never slowed dance with a man, yet. Well, sorta, but not really...no...I haven't. Goal in life: Slow dance with a man.
I say fuck the rest of the world and dance like no one is watching.... Sometimes you have to live your life knowing that people are going to talk regardless. I say to hell with them. Everyone deserves a little romance. Besides, sometimes it is fun to get atention, be it positive or negative.
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