growing up, i didn't have alot of friends...actually...to be quite honest, all through grammar school, i was friends with only one other boy whom i lost touch with when we entered high school. i know, it's not really uncommon; i wasn't "like" the other boys and i was very self conscious about it. add to that my juvenile weight problem (i was "the fat kid"), my natural shyness and an awkward phase that just ended about a year ago, and it's not hard to see why i wasn't mister popularity. that didn't change the fact that i wanted, more than anything, to be one of the cool kids; one of the kids whom everyone wanted to be friends with and got invited to all the birthday parties. i wasn't though. nope, i was the kid who was, usually, alone on the school yard, drawing or reading.
anyway, i grew up and learned how to make friends. now there's different people from different parts of my life: current work friends, high school friends, college friends, past work friends, neighbors, online friends, etc. it helped that i somehow befriended very gregarious people whom "everybody" knew and was friends with; y'know...people with friends. slowly, i also shed my shyness (and baby fat), and became slightly less awkward looking. i learned the art of sarcasm and dry humor. i learned to tell a story and make people laugh. i also learned to be content as part of a team; i'm never the Alpha homo or the Mary, but forever the Beta homo or the Rhoda. i work better when it's ______ & David; i enjoy being the sidekick.
So, back to the party...
the Campbell's Soup version is this: more people at my party means more popular. more popular means i'm not the fat kid with the fucked up hair and unibrow i was in 1987. it means that people want to be around me and that means that i'm an OK person.
yeah...i know...it's a really fucked up and shallow train of though, but that's how it is. i try my damnedest not to care about things like that, and just be happy that i did have friends there, but it's just no use. i'm so happy for the people that came, we had a wonderful time, but i couldn't help but feel that (with the exception of Dr & Mrs Pie Guy) the ones that weren't just didn't think
2 comments:
AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
You're far too sassy to have this pity party. I told you, I couldn't come because I had already purchased ticktes to see the B-52's at Hammerstein Ballroom for that night. I'm sure it would have been a screem, especailly since I'm known to run around in my underware after 2 drinks. Eat some candy.
You're in good company. John McCain says he isn't Mr. Popularity either. Comrades, you are!
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