Test Day: I Want Candy

What Your Love of Snickers Says About You

You are a very popular person. People can always find something about you to like. You are friendly and approachable. It's easy to feel comfortable around you. You are lively, playful, and sweet. But you are also substantial too. No matter what the situation is, you are good company... and the ideal best friend.

What Does Your Favorite Candy Say About You?

Test Day: Witch Ever

You Are 25% Witch

It's unlikely that you're a witch. At least, no one thinks you are. You may still be interested in witchcraft, but you're by no means a stereotypical witch. While you don't seem all that witchy, people may think you're a bit weird. You're definitely a little offbeat. No one really knows what to make of you sometimes.

Are You a Witch?

Test Day: Jack Off

What Your Jack-o-Lantern Says

You tend to be a goofy, optimistic person.You enjoy Halloween more than anyone else you know. This Halloween be as silly as you can - dress up as a giant version of a small objectThe candy you should give out: laffy taffy

The Jack-o-Lantern Quiz

And To Think, We Were Worried About Rufus Spending the Weekend at Grandma's...Pt 4 (It's Just Not Natural for Anything to Be That Cute)

CawfeeGuy: **squeal**We have the CUTEST f'n dogs in creation!
MagentSequins: right?! It's almost not fair to other people with dogs

That's Just Super Pt 2

think back...way back to the early days of my blog, and you may recall a post about underwear. well, i'm not gonna lie, i still google and amazon-search "superhero underwear" every now and again, and lookee what i found!

they'll never be Underoos...nothing will ever be Underoos...but they're pretty damn cool, at least to me...but then again i've got a thing for underwear and superheroes.

Copy Catty (or An Open Letter to My Co-Workers)

Assholes,
we live in an age where almost everything we do is idiot proof. technology has evolved to include interactive instructions and error messages on almost every piece of office equipment; specifically the fax machine, copy machine and printer. in fact, all three of these machines have basically the same error message/instructions which pop up with a certain amount of regularity: "i'm outta paper", "i'm outta toner", and "i'm jammed dammit" and (i know for a fact) the copier and the printer have animated instructions on how to replace the paper and toner and where the jam is and how to fix it. remedying "problems" could not be made simpler without the addition of a "technician" (read: trained monkey with the ability to read and follow directions) sitting next chained to the machine.
yet, still, i find myself at the printer/fax/copy machine following the prompts and fixing messes left behind by you (all), on an almost hourly basis, only to discover that there is a backlog of prints/faxes/copies waiting in queue for someone to feed or burp the printer/copier/fax machine.

contrary to popular belief, i did not graduate from Apex Tech, i'm not in IT nor am i the Magical Office Hardware Repair Fairie. all i can do is read and follow a pictogram...that's the extent of my magical powers; consider my myth debunked.

i strongly suggest you teach your lazy selves to read and follow instructions. because, starting today, after i fix the printer/fax/copier i am throwing away all the stuff that isn't mine...consider yourselves warned.

Pop Quiz: Gayer Than Thou (If Thou Ain't Breen Lantern)

You Are 73% Stereotypically Gay

You are quite the stereotypical gay person, my friend. You're practically a Carson Kressley queer, but not quite. A few slow people don't know you're gay yet, but everyone else does. Might as well flaunt it.

How Stereotypically Gay Are You?
Take More Quizzes

thanks, again, to BL at Idle Eyes!

the Terrible Tuesdays

ok..."terrible" is way too strong a word, but i wanted a catchy title.
at the moment, brooklyn is completely dark; it looks like 9pm here, no exaggeration. i'm completely unmotivated to do...anything...and what little work i'm doing is being done on auto-pilot. i'm tired, i'm muscle-achey (yes Virginia, even a weekend of shopping at Costco and gay nookie can be considered an aerobic workout when you're completely out-of-shape).
i just wanna go back to bed...

"... there is no such thing as a straight man with visible abdominal muscles. It comes with the sucking cock... but it doesn't work for women. You know I tried, okay"~Margaret Cho

Pop Quiz: In a Word

TYPE ONLY 1 WORD. IT'S HARDER THAN YOU THINK!!!
1. Where is your cell phone? desktop
2. Your significant other? stephen
3. Your hair? buzzed
4. Your mother? nuts
5. Your father? funny
6. Your favorite thing? music
7. Your dream last night? forgotten
8. Your favorite drink? cawfee
9. Your dream/goal? bookstore
10. The room you're in? huge
11. Your fear? abandonment
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? 'Frisco
13. Where were you last night? party
14. What you're not? awake
15. Muffins? fattening
16. One of your wish list items? mustang
17. Where you grew up? Brooklyn
18. The last thing you did? commute
19. What are you wearing? purple
20. Your TV? enormous
21. Your pet? Rufus :)
22 Your computer? work
23. Your life? frenetic
24. Your mood? undetermined
25. Missing someone? Jenn
26. Your car? blue
27. Something you're not wearing? watch
28. Favorite Store? target
29. Your summer? indistinguishable
30. Your favorite color? blue
31. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
32. Last time you cried? Saturday
33. Who will/would re-post this? nobody

Work Me Goddammit II: E-Mail Vollies

stephen's been working with his hospital's computer system for the last few months, so i now get e-mails from him throughout the day...

-----Original Message-----From: Guy, Cawfee
[mailto:Cawfee.Guy@whereheworks.com]Sent: Friday, October 24, 2008 8:50 AMTo: STEPHEN L_____A
Subject: Convo of the Day

Me: …I like most flowers, except for carnations.
K____: yeah…they remind me of funerals.
Me: and Baby’s Breath…I can’t stand Baby’s Breath.
K____y: oh yeah! it’s the smell of the old formula…it’s just nasty…
-------------------------------------
From: STEPHEN L_____A [mailto:SL___A@SomeHospital.org] Sent: Friday, October 24, 2008 11:13 AM
To: Guy, Cawfee
Subject: RE: Convo of the Day

Thats great!
my favorite quote today was from a danbury mint commercial on TV this morning.
Advertizing uncirculated coin collection.
"ACT NOW! Get your piece of history before its gone FOREVER!"

I find that this is the problem with history, Its never really gone. Just ask X-Gov. McGreevey!

Test Day: To the Left...To the Right...

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 40% Conservative, 60% Liberal Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

blatantly pilfered from BL at Idle Eyes.

And To Think, We Were Worried About Rufus Spending the Weekend at Grandma's...Pt 3 (the Weiner Takes it All)

it's a new picture every day from MS:

i've asked rufus if there are any other pictures/costumes that i should know about, but he's remaining suspiciously mum, which leads me to believe there are. i'm sure they'll surface in time...

i'm beginning to feel like the wife of a philanderer getting anonymous photos from "a friend". all that's missing are hastily collaged notes saying "I KnOW whAt YOuR PuPPy DID LasT WeeKenD".

Diamonds Are a Bottom's Best Friend

CawfeeGuy (via e-mail): Do you happen to know how many carats my engagement ring is?
(we’re talking diamonds and I want to have a reference point on size)

Stephen (via e-mail): I DO. IT IS 25 POINTS OR ONE QUARTER CARAT
(OFF STATEN ISLAND) YOU RARELY SEE MEN’S RINGS MORE THAN A QUARTER.
IT’S KINDA GAUDY AND UNMASCULINE.

CG: Ok…’cuz I think it’s pretty damn big. C____y’s talking about 2 carat rings…which, when I look at mine, sounds ENORMOUS and, yes, gaudy.Thanks babycakes.

S: There comes a point where it is unpractical.
But that is the status of it. If you can walk around with a 2.5 carat hanging off the end of your arm,You obviously are kept and don’t actually do anything like work, clean your own house, laundry, Cooking, etc.

wise man, that husband of mine is.

Tuesday Morning Revelation (for Those of Us Who Are Behind the Times)

Wikipedia has printable versions!

now i have something(s) to read on the bus (which has been taking 2 hours, lately, to get from Midtown to Staten Island).

Weekend Wonderland

OMG how much am i loving this cold snap? it's been, like, 50 degrees here all weekend! The trees are shedding leaves like crazy, people are stoking their fireplaces; it's fabulous, i tell you! great weather to cuddle with The Huz under the blankets, pre-dawn.

i'll readily admit, this was not an eventful weekend, but it was pretty fun nonetheless.

Friday night we watched a terribly fascinating documentary on Jim Jones and a few episodes of the Closer, ordered a pizza from a local joint that Chef Stephen approves of and opened a fantastic bottle of wine we got from Woot. the puppy snoozed between us, rapturously.

Saturday we took the car to be serviced and hit the Gap on the way home; originally i was looking for a denim jacket to replace the one i've been wearing forever, but walked out with black corduroys, which i haven't worn since i'm, seven, and the most gorgeous silk/cotton v-neck sweater in a shade of purple that can only be described as Grimace, with a pale pink button down to go underneath. none of this is sigificant in any way except for the fact that, upon leaving the dresssing room, i felt thinner and more fabulous than i have in almost a year! there are no numbers to back up the feeling, but who cares! right? afterward we went home and just chilled; Stephen studying and doing homework while i made serious headway in a castle in Zelda. the puppy spent equal time on both of our laps, jumping from chair to couch, whenever the mood hit him.

Sunday, i got back to my roots and, to stephen's utter delight*, put up a pot of gravy** with meatballs. it's amazing how long it's been since i made meatballs; i had to call my mom for the "recipe", but they turned out absolutely fantastic. while the gravy simmered, i knocked out some more Zelda and stephen made some italian bread, for his special Roasted Garlic bread. the result was penne rigati with meatballs that would've made my mom very proud; a good time was had by all!

* i almost never make red sauce when we have macaroni; we ate so much of it, growing up that i only look for it once in a while. stephen, on the other hand, loves red sauce and flips whenever i deign to make it.
**some people call it gravy, some people (red) sauce. in my house, growing up, the minute a meatball or sausage or a braciole hit a pot of tomato sauce, it instantly became gravy and it's the subject of much debate between italians and "white folks". i say, call it whatever you want as long as i get a taste on a piece of italian bread, sprinkled with grated cheese...

Test Day: Throw 'em a fake and a finagle, They'll Never Know You're Just a Bagel

You Are a Plain Bagel

You are hardworking, honest, and down to earth. You don't like surprises, and you need security to feel happy. Of all the types, you're the most likely to eat for comfort. You tend to have the same thing for breakfast every day. Why change what works?

What Kind of Bagel Are You?

.

"That's my problem, i'm a bagel on a plate of onion rolls"~ Fanny Brice (Funny Girl)

Silently Judging You Pt 4: One Last Fling

we're gonna try this shit again.
why?, i hear you ask.
because, i say. blogger has somehting new and shiny and free and enough time has passed that they probably worked out the bugs.
oh...and...it's my fucking blog, and i'll do what i want.
game on, kids.

Thursday Morning DVD Review: Jesus Camp

the 1st time i heard about this documentary was when it was nominated for an Oscar, a couple of years ago and i'll admit, i was intrigued. i find Crazy Christers funny/sad in the same way i cringe while watching reruns of He-Haw and Jerry Springer; why would you want to put yourself out there and show the world your backwoods ignorance? i dunno . Anyway, for some reason, NetFlix recommended it the other day and so i added it to our queue.

i can honestly say i've not been so moved by a documentary since the Laramie Project, which (though, i guess not technically a documentary) left me feeling sad and angry. Jesus Camp, though, left me feeling profoundly disturbed. seeing kids, as young as five, screaming and wailing for Jesus to overturn Roe vs Wade, speaking "in tongues", and denouncing their "lack of faith" is just scary; listening to doe-eyed little girls proselytize*, denounce dancing as "sinful", talk about "hearing god" and their "gift of prophecy" was almost as frightening as those kids in the Grudge, the Shining, & the Ring.

growing up Roman Catholic, faith was something i kinda took for granted: you believe in God. everybody believes in god. he's everywhere (like the CIA), so don't piss him off or you go to hell (which is like Florida, but without air conditioning or Disney World); all kids go to heaven, because they're kids and how much sinning could they possibly do (before puberty kicks in). the devil existed only in cartoons where he sat on Donald Duck's shoulder, wearing red pajamas and carrying a pitchfork; he wasn't disguised as Harry Potter (not that we had Harry Potter, in those days, but you get the idea).

it's apparent that the Evangelical Christians view the US as the current battleground of a holy war; us versus them, the damned versus the saved, and they're enlisting early; out of the womb and into the pews. if this movie is any indication, the next wave of the Faithful are being spoon fed doctrine and politics with side orders of shame and hate and seasoned with a heavy dose of anger and fear. i recommend this movie, if for no other reason than to have a peak at the next generation of GW Bush's, Pat Robertson's and Ann Coulter's and the subculture in which they're being reared (which is filled with Bizarro world versions of Sesame Street where the evils of the evolutionary theory are preached against and Metallica sings about lovin' the lord, and ordinarily product placment t-shirts proclaim Jesus as the King).

the best thing about it is that i'm sure the Evangelicals and Right Wing Crazy Christers view it as a love letter; an honest portrayal of their movement which is fueled by manifest destiny and armed with the word of the almighty. i can imagine them watching it and thinking how fantastic it is to watch the next generation being shaped in their own image, before unleashing them on a world that's rotting and pustulating with sin and corruption. they find it as moving as the Left finds the warping and twisting of kids disturbing and unsettling...

*don't think, for a minute, that the irony of the Crazy Christers going out on "recruitment drives" is lost on this faggot.

And To Think, We Were Worried About Rufus Spending the Weekend at Grandma's...Pt 2 (America's Next Top Puppy Model)

ok. so maybe i was a little bit harsh. the camera loves this little guy and (i'm not gonna lie) i love seeing him in "outfits":

i dunno how MS gets him to look so angelic or get him to stand so still (and i'm sure i don't wanna know, since i'm pretty sure it involves snacks) but that girl is magical. i won't question her methods.

"Well, there were mermaid pics - and when you see these costumes, you will see - they were mermaids - the 2 of them - Doug actually bought 2 mermaid costumes with the idea that we would get them both in a pic together - I have a thing for the mermaid parade - and well, the 2 together was a recipe for disaster and I got fed up - also the costume was much better in theory than reality and I'm not sure it looks like they are even mermaids or MEN, but more like sequined disco mini elvises"~ Magenta Sequins

And To Think, We Were Worried About Rufus Spending the Weekend at Grandma's...

thanks, MS for completely mortifying my dog.

(he does look kinda cute though, and i am dressing as the Devil for Halloween...)

So...Um...Yeah...

i e-mailed the Canada pics to myself, this morning, before running out the door to the bus. strangely enough, my box was empty when i got here. how...queer.

in lieu of my pictures, i strongly suggest you go here and check out some much more interesting entertaining subject matter than the Natural Splendor of Niagara Falls. Or you can go here for a far more photogenic subject than the Northeastern Domesticated Bears Engaged in Their Marriage Rites.

Yes, America...

we're back.
we're hitched.
we're exhausted.

here's a pic of the Falls from our hotel.
many more to follow.

I'm Not Changing My Blog's Title

Regardless of this terribly fabulous website.

thanks to Byron for finding it 1st.

Can of Duh

things are fairly quiet around these parts. my diseased co-worker was off the last two days, leaving me little time to blog (not that i had tales to tell or anything). we're gearing up for our trip to canada, this weekend, which sounds like it's going to be boat loads of fun! i've never really did the "road trip" thing, and i can't think of a better couple of homos to do it with than Stephen, John and Justin. if ever there were three people i wouldn't mind being trapped in a car with for 8 hours, it's them (they?).

rufus is all excited about spending a couple of days with Tia Magenta and Chew-Chew, and had an appointment at the mobile puppy beauty parlor, yesterday. it was rumored he was getting a full-on "puppy cut" (ie. short n' sassy). but it turns out his other daddy chickened out at the last minute and opted for "just a trim". so now, gorgeous locks in tact, he's ready for a weekend of little sleep and psychotic amounts of exercise.

Re-Cap

5 years ago today, i told you i loved you for the very 1st time.

4 years ago today, we went back to that little restaurant in Chelsea and re-enacted out very 1st date.

3 years ago, i was out of work, on unemployment and had no direction, but you loved me anyway...

2 years ago we came back to the house at midnight, after our our annual "date" at Riazor, to find the house filled with gas, and we had to open all the windows and call the gas company (who shut the main valve for three days). it wasn't till much later on that we discovered you'd accidentally left the stove burner on, but not lit...

1 year ago today, i told you, in front of most of our friends and family, that you were the only man for me, and would be, forever.

happy anniversary, Stephen; thank you for the best 5 years of my life.

I don't remember what day it was
I didn't notice what time it was
All I know is that I fell in love with you
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you

Every day's a new day in love with you
With each day comes a new way of loving you
Every time I kiss your lips my mind starts to wander
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you

Oh, I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
I love you more today than yesterday
But, darling, not as much as tomorrow
Tomorrow's date means springtime's just a day away

Cupid, we don't need ya now, be on your way
I thank the lord for love like ours that grows ever stronger
And I always will be trueI know you feel the same way too
Oh, I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
I love you more today than yesterday
But only half as much as tomorrow

I Love You More Today (Than Yesterday)~ Spiral Starecase

the Absolute Best News I've Heard All Week Pt 2: Weekend Edition

we finally got out to go see Dr. & Mrs Bri-the-Pie-Guy and their absolutely adorable baby boy (and my soon-to-be Godson), Benjamin Michael! i can't tell you how cute this kid is, in person! The pics, below, will have to suffice...

on top of getting to see and hold the baby, it was just wonderful to spend time with Jenn and Brian; i miss them so much and the few hours we get to spend together are always so fantastic.

Test Day: "They Call You Mr Personality 'Cuz You're So Ugly"

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have low conscientiousness. Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously. Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions. Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism. It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed. You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully. You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great admirer of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

At a Loss

i thought i lost my wallet yesterday.

when i realized it wasn't in my back pocket, i was totally fine; i figured i simply hadn't taken it off the credenza when i was getting ready to leave for work. see, i'm infamous for forgetting things, but, as a rule, i don't lose things. i temporarily misplace them, sure, but i know i'll find them fairly soon. like most humans, i'm a creature of habit. every day i walk in, kick off my shoes, kiss my husband and then leave my jacket and bag on the chair, and put my wedding and engagement rings, my wallet, cell phone and work ID on the credenza. every day; almost without fail. when stephen got home from work, though, he told me that it wasn't on the credenza. that's when i panicked.

it took me 5 minutes to devise an entire scenario where our trip to canada would be cancelled, because there is no way i'd be able to get a duplicate driver's license or a new debit card in a week; i'd have to cancel my bottomless starbuck's card (which i registered, like 5 years ago, and refill weekly) and try and get new insurance cards, to replace the ones i just received last week. i thought i lost one of my favorite pictures of stephen, from when we 1st started dating, and to which i'd attached our very 1st fortune cookie fortune "stop searching forever, happiness is right next to you". i lost my Social Security card, my voter registration card and a couple of reward certificates from Best Buy. now somebody could steal my identity, vote for Mc Cain and buy a wii game for nothing.

it wasn't until i thought it was gone that i'd realized how much i keep in that "deck of cards sized brick" in my back pocket; it wasn't until it was gone that i realized how much i'd lost. naturally i freaked and looked all around my desk, called the bus company and my office's security team to see if it was turned into either of their lost and found, and even went to the men's room to see if it dropped out. nothing.

luckily, stephen called me 15 minutes later and told me that it was in my pants pocket from the day before.

an Open Letter to...?

as you know, we've been taking the same bus from Manhattan to Staten Island, for the last 3 years; it's true that we don't see each other every day, but usually once a week, at least. whenever you see me you're incredibly chatty; you've told me about your own children (the cop and the teacher) and your ailing husband's failing kidneys. last march, and this past week, you seemed genuinely concerned about my job. you always ask after my husband and our dog; last year, you were so very interested in the plans for our wedding and offered tons of advice (about everything from the favors to the menu) and your own supportive opinions on gay marriage; in fact i'll admit i was moved by your outrage, on monday, when i told you that we were going up to canada to get married "for real" and then explained that last year's affair was not recognized by the state/federal government. you're pushy but delightful, in a very Jewish Mother (for that is what you are) kinda way.

oddly enough, despite the discussions we've had and the hours we've spent together, standing on line and then riding the bus, i have absolutely no idea what the hell your name is.

you told me once, three years ago, and i promptly forgot it (not realizing that we'd talk more often than i talk to my own mother) and now i feel like an absolute idiot because you know my name and my husband's name and even my dog's name. i've come to think of you and refer to you (to my friends and family) as the Big Haired Blonde Lady from the Bus (you're something of a low-level celeb in my small circle) or sometimes Maude or Stella (since those names seem to fit).

So, i hope i don't offend when i just say Hi or Howyadoin when i see you; it just seems more appropriate than calling you by the name i think you should have.