i lay in bed last night, finding it very difficult to sleep. ironcially, stephen seemed to be having no trouble at all. we had just finished a discussion about something that john and i had discussed (with great seriousness) on Monday: opening my own business on Staten Island. i want to open a book store. not just any kind of book store; i want to open a Gay/Lesbian/Bi-Sexual/Transgender bookstore...on Staten Island. i'm crazy, right? the thing is, SI has only a handful of bookstores (actually, i can only think of three), none of which have a GLBT section bigger than 2 shelves. sadly, these pitiful sections are crammed with porn-lite: "erotica" and self-help books titled "Finding the Boyfriend Within" and "Golden Gays: Growing Old in the new Millenium". while non-fiction is definitely a valid form of writing, it's also very limited. i mean how many books on the Stonewall riots do we really need? if you're looking for fiction, you need to dig it out from amongst the Literature section (and if you don't know an author, well then it sucks to be you). all in all, it's frustrating to try and find new books by GLBT authors. you may recall, i ranted about this in a previous post.
anyway, it's my dream (literally) to open a book shop that has an actual selection of GLBT fiction, non-fiction, memoirs, magazines, newspapers, t-shirts, jewelry, movies and accessories. and no, there will be no porno, no dildos (dildoes? dildi?), no lube, no backroom (or "arcade"), no nipple-clamps, tassles, slings or whips. i will not sell kink or "smut". Mind you, i have no problem with porn or sex stuff; SI already has a porno shop, i don't think that it requires another. nope, all i want is a small shop that all the fags, dykes and trannies can come to without judgement; a spot where the staff (of 2, maybe 3) can actually spell Armistead Maupin and know the difference between Gerald Ford, Colton Ford and Michael Thomas Ford.
well, i told Stephen this dream and (as is his custom) he gave voice to (almost) all the negative thoughts i was having (is there a demand? is there a market? are there really enough fags/dykes/trannies/closet-cases on SI? is there a location on SI that i won't get lynched?) leaving out my concerns about start-up-capital and inexperience in running a business. actually, he was very positive about my inexperience, telling me that there were numerous books at the library that could walk me through the process of Opening a Small Business. by the end of our discussion, i was so exhausted (trying to think positively), that i couldn't sleep. mind you, he never said it wouldn't work, just that he'd be surprised if it did.
in his mind he wasn't being negative, he was being realistic; and (as is my custom), i recognize that he's right. it would be an uphill climb, attempting to open any kind of business on Staten Island, let alone one that would be in direct competition with a monolith like Barnes and Noble's. all i kept thinking of was You've Got Mail, that terrible movie with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks about the smallish "ma and pa" bookstore that is completely swallowed up by the B & N-type corporation. forget about the uphill climb it would take to secure the money necessary to start a business; that would like trying to find a straight girl at a Melissa Etheridge concert. however, these two hurdles would pale in comparison to trying to do anything "Gay" on Staten Island, the reddest/rightest borough in all 5. SI's gay population is so terribly underground, even though we all seem to know each other; there's very little "Pride". how would i expect to scrape a living from people who hide behind wives, girlfriends and AOL screen-names?
it left me more than a little depressed: depressed that i wouldn't be able to work for myself, doing something that i'd love; depressed that i wouldn't be able to own something; depressed that i wouldn't be able to share something that i truly love with other people.
"If this is something you want SO bad, nothing can stand in your way. While we may not need book 3,636 about the Stonewall riots, what did it teach us about? Overcoming opposition. Hopefully WE won't need a drag queen and a brick to do it."~DJ John Michael
3 comments:
We need to evolve the dream/concept until it works. Don't give up.
I support your dream.
But realistically, (aside from what your bf has already told you) the Internet is killing even the huge bookstores. So that's a hurdle that the death of many retail stores. Keep that in mind.
Maybe if you joined it with a coffee house or something?
I could sure use a Stonewall book. Got one?
What this all boils down to is one thing: Are you committed enough to do this? You can speculate all you want, you'll never know if you don't try. You know we'll all be around to help you in any way we can, but if you don't try, you'll go mad with what if's.
If this is something you want SO bad, nothing can stand in your way. While we may not need book 3,636 about the Stonewall riots, what did it teach us about? Overcoming opposition. Hopefully WE won't need a drag queen and a brick to do it.
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