Yes, You've Returned (Now Go Away Again So We Can Go Back to Missing You)

Hello, darlings! this is one of my ultra-rare weekend posts (i've got a three day weekend planned), and since i know you all wait with bated breath for my scribblings, i'd hate to let you down; consider this Monday's post.

Stephen and i just got back from seeing, you guessed it, Superman Returns. to be quite blunt, i just want him to return my $9 for the movie and $6 for the bridge to get out to New Brunswick, since it's already out of both the Staten Island theaters. as far as i'm concerned, this movie was truly one of the biggest disappointments ever to come out of Hollywood since Glitter. the plot was thinner than well sliced prosciutto, the acting was more wooden than Howdy Doody and the special effects seemed to come straight from the video game which is probably more exciting. there was absolutely zero in the way of character development and if you had to quantify the amount of emotional depth displayed by any of the actors, you'd be looking at negative numbers. i'm not going to bother spoiling any of the plot points for you, since i'm sure it'll probably be out on DVD by the end of September.

the biggest problem, by far, was that neither Superman/Clark (i don't recall the actor's name) nor Lois (Kate Bosworth?) really seemed to care about anything that was going on at any given moment. their interactions were so lackluster and plastic that it was like watching mannequins (one of which, with a nice sized package, by the way) in pretty clothes. only Kevin Spacey and the ever fabulous Parker Posey had any emotion at all: they were evil and stupid (respectively) and they were loving every minute of it.

i can't quite imagine what the writer, director or producers were thinking when they greenlighted this movie for production. i guess with the success of Batman Begins and all the other comic book movies, they thought it was time ressurect Superman, but they should've waited for a good script to come along. it was like watching a really bad episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Smallville (like the Preying Mantis episode of the former or Kryptonite Tattoo episode of the latter) only with a bigger budget. strangely enough, having watched both shows (we're actually in the midst of Buffy: Season 2), they're much better acted and written.
Incidentally, we own the full series of Buffy, Angel and Smallville on DVD, if you wanna borrow them. we won't charge you $9, and i'll guarantee you'll be immensely more entertained.

"Well, I don't think I can handle this/A cloudy day in Metropolis/I think I'll talk to my analyst"~Jimmy Olsen's Blues (the Spin Doctor's)