Aye Aye Aye

I wasn’t completely honest when I wrote about Pride this year. Yes, it was really nice to be amongst “boys like us”, etc, but there was a hidden agenda for going to Pride this year and why we’re sure to go again next year. I love burritos.
You’re probably asking yourself what burritos have to do with Pride, well I’m gonna tell you.

Every year, for the last three, Chipotle has had a float in the parade. Every year for the last three, Chipotle (bless their hearts) has had the most wonderful young people handing out coupons for FREE burritos. Uh-huh, That’s right, FREE BURRITOS. Let it sink in. feels good doesn’t it? I’ll wait here while you have a cigarette.

For those unwashed masses that have never been to a Chipotle, let me explain why this is significant: THEY ARE THE BEST BURRITOS IN NEW YORK (second only to those which WBBF makes in our little kitchen). They make them right in front of you with wonderfully fresh and fabulous ingredients. You can put whatever you want in your burrito (Chicken, Beef, Steak, Veggies, Pork) or have them make it into a quesadilla or on a salad. They also have the most outstanding nachos and guacamole to DIE for, but (in case you missed it the 1st time): THEY ARE THE BEST BURRITOS IN NEW YORK. Granted, I don’t have a lot of burrito eatin’ experience to base this on, but Stephen has: before I met him, my man was practically Livin La Vida Latino out in Queens; hanging out with the Cha-Cha queens at Escualita, dating men named Carlos, Eduardo and Israel. Till he met me he hadn’t cooked Italian food in about 5 years. Believe me when I say that my man knows a good burrito when he eats one.
To be honest and fair, until the 1st year that we got the FREE BURRITO COUPONS, I’d never heard of them. Prior to Chipotle, I was limited to SI’s Burrito Bar in college, or **shudder** Taco Bell. We stopped in only because of the coupon. Holy cow am I glad we did. Now, they’re the burrito I crave on those cold winter nights and hot summer days. If god ate burritos, this is where he would get them.

Yesterday I was on the F train, to Manhattan from Brooklyn. At one point I put down my book and saw a FREE BURRITO COUPON under a girl’s foot. It was the same coupon that they hand out at Pride (the coupon is significant because these burritos are, like, $10 a pop. Heaven don’t come cheap, kids). No matter how I looked at it, I am saddened to say there was absolutely no way I could’ve gotten that coupon without looking like a total dirtbag. It gave me physical pain to get off at 34th street while it sat under some Un-Burrito-Loving whore’s Payless sandal.

We got 4 coupons at Pride this year, we better space them out to savor the thrill, it’s gonna be a long year.

"Consistancy is the last resort of the unimaginative"~Oscar Wilde