Fit to be Tied Pt 1

Wii Fit. I'll be honest, i never thought i'd see one of those bathroom scale sized...things...in my home. Sure Stephen thought it looked really cool (from the perspective of a Physical Therapist and occasional Wii fan) and was very excited about the "possibilities" available for more interactive games (surfing and snowboarding being his fantasy games of choice), but i thought i was safe when all the murmurs i've heard about it, over the last year, were that it was sold out everywhere. Then came Christmas morning.

a suspiciously large and reasonably heavy rectangular box lay under the tree in brightly colored striped foil paper. the tag said it was from "Rufus Claus" (or "Santa Paws", i can't remember). my 1st thought was that it was the Mac Book Pro i'd asked Santa for and part of me was nervous. i'd put it on my Amazon wishlist as a lark, after being pressured by he and my mom. did he really spend that much on me for Christmas!?! where did the money come from?!? has he been selling his homemade olive or spinach breads on the side of the highway? i ripped the paper with trepidation and gleeful abandon (i'm a very complex person) to reveal...the dreaded Wii Fit. i was both let down, relieved and frightened, all at the same time...

later that night, after a day spent with my in-laws, i returned from my evenings ablutions to find Stephen sitting on the couch smirking, the coffee table pushed to one side and the Wii Fit Platform sitting menacingly in the middle of the rug. "G'head...give it a go", he said, with more than a touch of glee. so i did. Up popped my fabulously accurate Mii, now dressed in strangely unflattering white running pants; We both listened and nodded as the now anthropomophosized Wii Fit Platform lectured us on proper posture. then came the tests.

the 1st test was the weight/BMI. i was relieved and horrified as the BMI Thermometer inched up to "Overweight" making my once cartoonishly box shaped Mii into a terribly more accurate pot-bellied one. the relief is only over the fact that i was not "obese". small victories, folks. i'll spare you the minutiae of the rest of the tests, but will wind up telling you that according to the vicious, hateful, soulless robot now living under my roof my "Wii Age" is 48. Forty-fucking-Eight. I'm 32 folks! very upsetting. naturally stephen was laughing maniacally during the entire affair. i then was forced to choose from the two poorly postured androgynous mannequin/trainers...choosing the male for no other reason than that i couldn't bear the idea of sweating with a woman.

two days later (saturday) after i'd nursed my bruised ego (Friday's antics with Jenn and Bri-the-Pie Guy's fabulous sister definitely helped) and discussed my various exercise options with stephen*, i started my 1st official day of Wii Fitness with a lecture by the Wii Fit for missing a day, followed by 30 minutes of yoga with my new "trainer" whom i'm naming Aryan Aaron since he has the plastic, cornfed, twink look i come to associate with men from the midwest with heavy mormon leanings and biblical names. I can tell right away that AA and i will not be friends. He's way too excited about my ability to maintain the Lightning Bolt in the middle of the Sun Salutation and way too Droopy Dog when i fall over during the Tree pose.

An interesting facet of the Wii Fit is that the more time you spend, the more exercises you unlock, so I'm hoping that eventually i'll log enough time with AA to unlock a new trainer who looks like Tom Katt, Bruce Willis or Colton Ford. Hell, i'll even settle for Bob Hoskins...

*my Stephen Approved program will be 20 to 30 minutes of Aerobic/Strength Training, 5 days a week and 20 to 30 minutes of Yoga on weekends. Other balance activities are encouraged since the Wii Fit seems to think i'm spastic and asked if i fall down alot.