the "Long Awaited" (and Excruciatingly Long and Dull) "2nd Wedding" Post

As most of you know, stephen and i had a commitment ceremony last year. It was, without a doubt, the happiest day of my life, to declare my love for him, with john and jenn at my side, in front of our friends and family. Afterward, my heart was filled with immense joy and sense of completion. This was the man I waited my entire life to meet and spend the rest of my life with. The only downside was that the ceremony was largely symbolic. Yes, in our hearts and minds we were married, but in the eyes of the state and the nation, we were just another couple of gay guys going through the motions. Then, a few months later, NY state announced that “they” would now recognize any same sex marriage or civil union performed in any other state or country. We started considering heading back to San Francisco (where we had honeymooned a few months before,) or up to Canada to get everything “formalized”. The more we talked about it, over the next few months, the more Canada seemed like the best idea and so plans were made.

Fast forward to the weekend of October 11th.

John, Justin (both of whom agreed to be our legal witnesses), Stephen and I drove from Staten Island (and Budd Lake, NJ) up to Canada and spent one of the best long weekends I’ve ever had. The drive up was fantastically long, lending itself to periods of silence and storytelling and laughter. There is nothing like traveling with friends and we really couldn’t have found two better people to travel with. The more time i spend with Justin, the more i like him. his Sahara dry sense of humor and glib remarks are a fuckin hoot. he and john compliment each other like stephen and i; it's also great for stephen to have somebody to roll his eyes with while john and i engage ourselves in a 20 minute Steel Magnolias medley.

We arrived early on Friday afternoon, dropped John and Justin off at the hotel and made our way to the Toronto County Clerk’s office to get our license. The entire procedure took 15 minutes and nobody batted an eye. The clerk was amazingly solicitous and congratulatory, proving that our 1st experience with Canadians proved to be the lasting impression I’ll take with me forever: friendly, open minded, warm and kind. We returned to the room, and had lunch at Tony Roma’s next door with J & J. There we met the 2nd friendliest person in Canada, our blonde and bubbly waitress who (with little prompting from John), directed us to “the best gay bar in town”: the Vous (formerly The Rendezvous).

Hours later, after some relaxation, some minor drama involving my “wedding clothes” which were still hanging in Staten Island, we headed to the Vous.

Let me say that having spent way too much time in NY and NJ gay bars, I was blown away by this one. Long story short, it was someone’s house turned into a bar and it was packed to the rafters. Whereas most gay bars are very…specific (Bear Bars, Twink Bars, Leather Bars, Lezzie Bars, etc), this one was the bar and was filled with all walks of gay life. We found out later that it was the only gay bar in a 100 mile or meter (whatever) radius, so naturally the place was hopping. The music was awful, the people were strange and the drinks were terrible, but somehow we had a great time. Everybody was so happy and friendly and infectiously excited to be there. it would’ve been impossible not to have a good time.

The next day, we hit the Falls and did some shopping before the ceremony. The Falls were single handedly the most awe inspiring thing I’d ever seen. I’m used to big buildings and bridges and statues, but to see something created by nature, so immense and furious, was an amazing experience. The pictures here could never do it justice.

After the falls, Justin and Stephen went on a tour of the power plant (i'm sure by that point they'd had enough of club music and Soapdish), while john and I engaged in some truly quality relaxation/John & David time (read: we went to the hotel bar and talked about our significant others) and it was fabulous. Nothing makes me miss him more than spending time together, “like we used to”. Our boys joined us later and then we all retired back to the room to prepare and wait for the celebrant (this fabulously little chubby lesbian, whose teenage son waited outside our hotel, looking at the Falls).

This ceremony was markedly different from our 1st one: it was simple and straightforward, and short. While preparing for it and planning it with the woman who married us, I thought it was going to be a “wham-bam-thank you ma’am” affair and that I’d be completely cool throughout; I mean, hey, we’d done it once, right? Wrong. I was hit with and overcome by the same level of emotions and feelings that I had a year before when I recited the same vows I’d written. I cried. He cried. John cried. The celebrant cried. in a departure from lighting the “unity candle” again, we participated in a “sand ceremony”, symbolically uniting our lives…again…into an intricate and original pattern….you get the idea. Anyway, the ceremony lasted less than a half an hour, and afterward we went out for a fantastic steak dinner.

The next day we left Canada and had an equally fun, albeit incredibly long, drive home. Stopping off at the Anchor Bar, in Buffalo (the undisputed birthplace of the Buffalo Wing).
While our 1st ceremony left me feeling immensely happy and complete, the Canadian ceremony left me with an equally immense feeling of relief. i was relieved that in the eyes of NY state and our employers w were now LEGALLY married and now retained all the rights and privileges thereof.
Last week, when i 1st heard that prop h8 was passed, i felt sick to my stomach....i cannot imagine what all those californian couples must be feeling after having the legal rug ripped out from under them. i feel like all the fanfare and brightness surrounding the recent election are completely eclipsed by this travesty of justice and humanity. I’m also incredibly glad we chose Canada over San Francisco…
"I used to run/I used to hide from love/But now, I'm satisfied/'Cause you showed me/That love could be/So good, so real and oh so right/So many things I used to let get in my way/Now I open up my arms and say hey/Lovin You/It's all I wanna do/For the rest of my life/This feels so right I'm/Lovin You/It's all I wanna do/For the rest of my days/'Cause I like the way I'm/Lovin You"~ Lovin You (Kristine W