An Open Letter to the New York Metro and A.M New York Newspapers

To Whom It May Concern:
I’d like to bring to your attention, what I believe is, a disturbing phenomenon that I’ve come to associate with your respective newspapers.

Every day I commute from Staten Island to Manhattan and then to Downtown Brooklyn. Every day, without fail, I’m accosted (literally) by some scary, dirty, muppet-eyed, quasi-homeless looking person, wearing a smock emblazoned with either of your logos, attempting to give me a free copy of your publications. Said representatives are extraordinarily pushy and often stand at the exit for the express bus, brandishing your newspapers. Once past these periodical wielding harpies, I encounter and additional set, inside the subway station and then, again, when I exit the train in Brooklyn. By the time I reach my office I feel like a b-list celebrity, having just left rehab, dodging the paparazzi. My morning commute is stressful enough, without having to worry about jackals descending on me like a wounded gazelle.

To be honest, I don’t think I’d mind saying “no thanks” as much if your paper-pushers didn’t look quite so much like the homeless people that I had just declined while on the train. Call me old fashioned or classist, but I prefer to accept things easier from people who don’t look like they’ll be sleeping under the newspapers they don’t give out that day.

Because of this, I don’t think I’ll ever accept a copy of either of your newspapers, despite their being free. Perhaps you should reconsider your marketing/distribution policies. Perhaps you should rethink whom you give your smocks to.

sincerely,
Cawfeeguy