"Do you hear that sound? That's your yarn...it's crying"~ Magenta Sequins

Friday, June 16, 2006

On Family (Part 2)



My side of the "church" would be empty indeed if i had to rely on my family alone to fill the pews. that's why i feel so completely and totally blessed that god made me gay as the proverbial goose.
Growing up in Brooklyn, the son of an NYPD cop and CCD teacher, was not as easy as one would think for a fledgling homo. Don't get me wrong, i never lacked for parental love; my mom is the prototypical Italian Mama, as many of you can attest: exuding love and food. My dad, while a truly wonderful man, pretty much stopped showing affection and emotion towards me the day i started shaving (i was about 14); i always knew he loved me, i just rarely heard it. i guess that's just how guys act **shrug**
anyway, add to this a 14 year (that's 1 year in nursery school + 1 year in Kindergarten + 8 years of grammar school + 4 years of High School) stint in the Catholic School/Penal system. suffice to say i was not a particularly happy and well adjusted teenager. Now, grammar school hadn't been a picnic: i was not like the other boys in any way and they knew it; i had very few friends. High School was better. i hooked up with the Speech and Debate team, and found a niche with other kids "like me" (it wasn't until a few years ago that i found out how many were truly like me). i wasn't expected to be good at sports because i was good at that. it was hear that i made friends that would have until today (N'il and Magenta). it was here that i realized that i really could choose the people that i would love; people i could talk to and tell all the stuff i couldn't talk about at home. it was here that i started to make my own family.
i would continue to do this all throughout college and beyond: Jenn, John, Chris, Erin etc. i found people like me, going through the same things i was; people i could confide in and learn from. i poured all the love i had into those relationships and, more often than not, got twice as much love back in return. as uncomfortable as i felt at home (pre-coming out) was as comfortable a i felt with my friends. they became a support system without whom i would not be the person i am today. it was their strength and support that helped me come out to my family; they let me know that no matter what my mom or dad's reactions would be, they were there for me and with them i had a home.

so, even though my side of the church will be relatively free of relatives, i know that i'll be lucky enough to look out and see the people that i will always consider my family.

i love you guys.


"You'll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart" ~George Michael

3 comments:

N'il said...

I love you too, Darling.

Anonymous said...

You know I love you more than life itself, but you couldn't find a better picture of me??? LOL Where/when is that from?

CawfeeGuy said...

sorry kids
those pictures were on my phone, they're the only ones i have of any of you. if you want me to post a better picture, please e-mail one to me :)

Get Free Shots from Snap.com .